ThOuGhTs!
well i dont know about yall but today is a great day for me!....lol
that prolly just bc i get to go hang out with chris when he gets off of work and today is our one month but hey i deserve to be happy every once in a while
so yea so meeh! hurrah! i love me!...i really do i love my life right about now...i dont think to much could happen today to dampen my spirits.......
im datin the most wonderful awesome person i know and it just cant get better than that!
so yea...enough about my great life...heres a peak at the sadder situation im havin to deal with....
well my mom went to the doctor yesterday and they told her her kidneys were failin her and that she is gonna have to go through dialysis...so yea that is the sux and im scared for her...i always get scared when she goes to the hospital...she really kills me how she continues not to take care of herself and doesnt try harder to get better......
we dont exactly always help the situation with all the stress from the hurricane and bills and shit it just really gets to her and she always tries to be wonderwoman...but she just cant be...she just needs to sit back and relax and not worry about ne thing
the doctors are makin her sit in bed for a couple of days...they told her she shouldnt be drivin ne where or goin ne where at all...she never really listens and always does stuff ne way...but she is just stubborn like that...and i hate it...cuz honestly i dont know what i would do without her
she use to scare me so bad when we had first found out that she had diabetes and then always havin seizures and stuff...
i remember when we first found out my mom might have cancer on top of her diabetes...we were livin out in woolmarket then and i can remember not wantin to talk to ne one at all...i ran down to the bridge down the road from my house and sat there all night...not knowin what i was gonna do...i was so scared...i think i was maybe 11 or 12 at the time....and just didnt want to talk about it at all
my mom use to be a heavy smoker...that is where she got the cancer from...she quick back in 98 cold turkey on new years eve....for us...and i feel bad cuz i smoke and so does my sister and to know that she quit so we wouldnt start...but we did ne way
i havent smoked in a few days...everyone wants me to stop so i think i will...im done with it...im not goin to ne more...not just for my friends but for my mom...she strives so hard to do whats best for me, my bro, and my sis...she wants nothin but the best for us in our lives ahead...i just wanna make her proud...i think sometimes she sees me as somewhat her last hope...considering i have a 23 year old brother livin at home doin nothin with his life and a 20 year old sister that dropped out and has no plans for her future...it use to make me made that they always have such high expectations for me and are always pushin me but its just bc they want the best for their last one...they wanna be able to look back and say i raised her and did it well...thats y i dont mind it ne more and will do my best to make them proud...
so yea ne ways....well those are my thoughts and i dont have much more...i think a lot actually i think a lot about my dad too...he struggles and i talk about a lot about my mom and her wantin the best for us...dont misunderstand me and think that my dad doesnt give a shit...he does...he sometimes pushes harder than he does...my mom is just around more while my dad is at work....but i know he would be hurt had i decided to follow either one of my siblings paths...and i would never do that....i do plan on goin to college after i graduate...i do plan on makin somethin out of myself...then finding the love of my life...the person i want to spend the rest of my life with...and having a family it is most important to me...but also is my career... i can honestly say i do love chris...and i do see a future with us...i dont know what he really sees cuz we never really get to talk about that kinda stuff...most of the time that is my fault thou...how do u really talk about the future with someone u have been dating for a month...not that jut bc we have only been dating for a month means we dont have a future...bc i think we do...chris makes me feel different...feel more like i can be me and not ne one else...bc he loves me and not somethin he wants me to be or thinks i am...its great...but yea ne ways...rawr!...this is long i wouldnt expect ne one to read all of this but if u do i know u love me...lol...and cherish every word i have to say...which means i prolly love you too!
~*raquael*~
that prolly just bc i get to go hang out with chris when he gets off of work and today is our one month but hey i deserve to be happy every once in a while
so yea so meeh! hurrah! i love me!...i really do i love my life right about now...i dont think to much could happen today to dampen my spirits.......
im datin the most wonderful awesome person i know and it just cant get better than that!
so yea...enough about my great life...heres a peak at the sadder situation im havin to deal with....
well my mom went to the doctor yesterday and they told her her kidneys were failin her and that she is gonna have to go through dialysis...so yea that is the sux and im scared for her...i always get scared when she goes to the hospital...she really kills me how she continues not to take care of herself and doesnt try harder to get better......
we dont exactly always help the situation with all the stress from the hurricane and bills and shit it just really gets to her and she always tries to be wonderwoman...but she just cant be...she just needs to sit back and relax and not worry about ne thing
the doctors are makin her sit in bed for a couple of days...they told her she shouldnt be drivin ne where or goin ne where at all...she never really listens and always does stuff ne way...but she is just stubborn like that...and i hate it...cuz honestly i dont know what i would do without her
she use to scare me so bad when we had first found out that she had diabetes and then always havin seizures and stuff...
i remember when we first found out my mom might have cancer on top of her diabetes...we were livin out in woolmarket then and i can remember not wantin to talk to ne one at all...i ran down to the bridge down the road from my house and sat there all night...not knowin what i was gonna do...i was so scared...i think i was maybe 11 or 12 at the time....and just didnt want to talk about it at all
my mom use to be a heavy smoker...that is where she got the cancer from...she quick back in 98 cold turkey on new years eve....for us...and i feel bad cuz i smoke and so does my sister and to know that she quit so we wouldnt start...but we did ne way
i havent smoked in a few days...everyone wants me to stop so i think i will...im done with it...im not goin to ne more...not just for my friends but for my mom...she strives so hard to do whats best for me, my bro, and my sis...she wants nothin but the best for us in our lives ahead...i just wanna make her proud...i think sometimes she sees me as somewhat her last hope...considering i have a 23 year old brother livin at home doin nothin with his life and a 20 year old sister that dropped out and has no plans for her future...it use to make me made that they always have such high expectations for me and are always pushin me but its just bc they want the best for their last one...they wanna be able to look back and say i raised her and did it well...thats y i dont mind it ne more and will do my best to make them proud...
so yea ne ways....well those are my thoughts and i dont have much more...i think a lot actually i think a lot about my dad too...he struggles and i talk about a lot about my mom and her wantin the best for us...dont misunderstand me and think that my dad doesnt give a shit...he does...he sometimes pushes harder than he does...my mom is just around more while my dad is at work....but i know he would be hurt had i decided to follow either one of my siblings paths...and i would never do that....i do plan on goin to college after i graduate...i do plan on makin somethin out of myself...then finding the love of my life...the person i want to spend the rest of my life with...and having a family it is most important to me...but also is my career... i can honestly say i do love chris...and i do see a future with us...i dont know what he really sees cuz we never really get to talk about that kinda stuff...most of the time that is my fault thou...how do u really talk about the future with someone u have been dating for a month...not that jut bc we have only been dating for a month means we dont have a future...bc i think we do...chris makes me feel different...feel more like i can be me and not ne one else...bc he loves me and not somethin he wants me to be or thinks i am...its great...but yea ne ways...rawr!...this is long i wouldnt expect ne one to read all of this but if u do i know u love me...lol...and cherish every word i have to say...which means i prolly love you too!
~*raquael*~