Who's gay? Me?
Apparently I'm not as gay as I think I am. One of my friends told me that another female friend had claimed to have had some sort of relationship with me in order to charge for the curtains that were in the room that I had previously occupied at the apartment. I just kinda stared at her, slack-jawed.
Why didn't anyone tell me while we were still in this "relationship"?
Also have my abridged coming out story that I posted in response to Shakesville's Question of the Day: How was your coming out? Got a good, bad, or otherwise interesting tale to share?
Oh geez. Coming out is still an on-going process for me.
I first knew I was gay when I was around twelve, I think. I was looking at the male body on an underwear package, and there was something that felt completely different from what I felt when I saw straight porn. (My brother exposed me to straight porn when I was somewhere between 10-11. It always struck me as funny rather than hot.) However, I was raised conservative Christian and was taught that being gay is WRONG. Plus, there was that girlfriend I had in the third through fourth grade and WE KISSED OMG and there was that girlfriend-who-wasn't-really-my-girlfriend-but-demanded-that-she-was-the-one-I-choose. Come to think of it, I had a weird childhood.
My first brush with coming out came when I was in high school. I started looking into some gay porn sites on the family computer, and my parents caught the sites in the browser history and confronted me about them. I freaked and said that a friend had visited them. My mom then treated me to a story about her first boyfriend who came out to her, got with someone else, and then later tried to marry her. That experience was horrible for her, but she blamed him for it rather than society's attitude about homosexuality. My connection to my mother and desire not to hurt her with my own coming out made me try even harder not to let her know.
In the coming years, I would identify myself as bi, and that's how I first came out. I was working at Disneyland, which seems to hire a lot of gay men, and one of my friends there sent me a text asking me what orientation I was because she and some others were talking. I told her I was bi, and it kind of just traveled around as gossip among Disney employees is wont to do. However, I still didn't want to come out to my family or friends outside Disneyland.
A few years later I started hanging out with a more liberal-minded crowd, and I started to be more comfortable in my bi identity so I started to come out to them and some of my other non-church friends. Then I moved out of my parents' house and started to come to grips with the fact that I really wasn't bi but that I had a strong gay preference.
When I moved back into my parents' house and after my grandpa had nearly died, I decided to come out to my mom. She cried for a while and sort of accepted it. However, she had this weird spiteful "Why did you have to tell me and only me?" thing later. She was visibly upset for a while, so my dad finally called me, figuring it had something to do with me. I didn't want to have to come out to him, especially because I was in the office at the time where I work for him and my mom, but I did. I told him I didn't want an hour-long lecture, and guess what I got! An hour-long lecture on how yes, we all have attraction to the same sex, but those attractions are caused by the DEVIL and are meant to be resisted. Shortly after I hung up, I came out to my brother, who was more accepting than either of my parents.
As it stands, I'm out and open to most everyone. I wrote a note on my Facebook about it and changed my info to reflect my accepted identity. My uncle found about it through this and talked to my mother, saying that he was praying for me. She then proceeded to lose her shit at me via email, telling me that it's not okay for me to just unload this burden on anyone and everyone. I basically told her, "I'm sorry, but whose burden?"
I still haven't come out to certain family members, but it's not like I'm hiding it from them either. I also just joined my campus's OutList, which is a list of out GLBT and straight-ally students and faculty.
I also have a habit of coming out to my classmates whenever discussions hit on an area where it's relevant. Heh. So I'm mostly out, but I've still got a little ways to go.
Why didn't anyone tell me while we were still in this "relationship"?
Also have my abridged coming out story that I posted in response to Shakesville's Question of the Day: How was your coming out? Got a good, bad, or otherwise interesting tale to share?
Oh geez. Coming out is still an on-going process for me.
I first knew I was gay when I was around twelve, I think. I was looking at the male body on an underwear package, and there was something that felt completely different from what I felt when I saw straight porn. (My brother exposed me to straight porn when I was somewhere between 10-11. It always struck me as funny rather than hot.) However, I was raised conservative Christian and was taught that being gay is WRONG. Plus, there was that girlfriend I had in the third through fourth grade and WE KISSED OMG and there was that girlfriend-who-wasn't-really-my-girlfriend-but-demanded-that-she-was-the-one-I-choose. Come to think of it, I had a weird childhood.
My first brush with coming out came when I was in high school. I started looking into some gay porn sites on the family computer, and my parents caught the sites in the browser history and confronted me about them. I freaked and said that a friend had visited them. My mom then treated me to a story about her first boyfriend who came out to her, got with someone else, and then later tried to marry her. That experience was horrible for her, but she blamed him for it rather than society's attitude about homosexuality. My connection to my mother and desire not to hurt her with my own coming out made me try even harder not to let her know.
In the coming years, I would identify myself as bi, and that's how I first came out. I was working at Disneyland, which seems to hire a lot of gay men, and one of my friends there sent me a text asking me what orientation I was because she and some others were talking. I told her I was bi, and it kind of just traveled around as gossip among Disney employees is wont to do. However, I still didn't want to come out to my family or friends outside Disneyland.
A few years later I started hanging out with a more liberal-minded crowd, and I started to be more comfortable in my bi identity so I started to come out to them and some of my other non-church friends. Then I moved out of my parents' house and started to come to grips with the fact that I really wasn't bi but that I had a strong gay preference.
When I moved back into my parents' house and after my grandpa had nearly died, I decided to come out to my mom. She cried for a while and sort of accepted it. However, she had this weird spiteful "Why did you have to tell me and only me?" thing later. She was visibly upset for a while, so my dad finally called me, figuring it had something to do with me. I didn't want to have to come out to him, especially because I was in the office at the time where I work for him and my mom, but I did. I told him I didn't want an hour-long lecture, and guess what I got! An hour-long lecture on how yes, we all have attraction to the same sex, but those attractions are caused by the DEVIL and are meant to be resisted. Shortly after I hung up, I came out to my brother, who was more accepting than either of my parents.
As it stands, I'm out and open to most everyone. I wrote a note on my Facebook about it and changed my info to reflect my accepted identity. My uncle found about it through this and talked to my mother, saying that he was praying for me. She then proceeded to lose her shit at me via email, telling me that it's not okay for me to just unload this burden on anyone and everyone. I basically told her, "I'm sorry, but whose burden?"
I still haven't come out to certain family members, but it's not like I'm hiding it from them either. I also just joined my campus's OutList, which is a list of out GLBT and straight-ally students and faculty.
I also have a habit of coming out to my classmates whenever discussions hit on an area where it's relevant. Heh. So I'm mostly out, but I've still got a little ways to go.