shitshitshitshit
Sitting on my floor, I'm trying on every sock and pair of nylons that I own in order to make sure they're clean and hole-free.
I know that a big part of this transition is going to be remembering that it's time to put on my youthful adventurer hat. No whimpering, no what-ifs, and especially no hesitation.
Of course, I can take a moment or two to mourn the things I'll be putting on hold (not losing, mind you).
But like I said, it's time to put on my youthful adventurer hat. The enormity of this hits me in waves. The simpleness of this hits me in other waves. Fortunately, the youthful adventurer hat is a hat I own, which isn't true for everyone. Essentially, this job is a free pass to jump into me-ness and to start from the ground up in an interesting new place. This is that thing I've been dreaming of for at least 6 years. This is that thing I didn't think was possible until last October. This is the thing I refused to let myself daydream about from November to April while I was waiting to hear back. This is the thing I've been mentally preparing for for months. Kind of hard to believe it's actually happening now.
The last 1-2 years has been a steady stream of important/time consuming events and without fail I have stayed up all night the night before, doing the things I should've been doing for quite some time beforehand. I am a master procrastinator. Personally, I think I have a problem with perspective. Current = no problem. Far, far, off = no problem.
Far off = problem. I should not have just begun packing 36 hours before I need to be a Chicago. So what did I do all day today? I read from Sookie Stackhouse Novel #6 and slept. Poor choice, indeed, but it was rainy and I didn't know where to start. I know I'm going to suffer for this later, no matter how actively I planned to make this time different.
But I've kept the nightmares of being unprepared at bay (the count is up to 3 in the last week, which is far better than Thailand or leaving high school - God forbid I ever get married or run for president) and when push comes to shove I think my tranquility comes from the fact that no matter what I don't finish before I leave, I know I'm still going to succeed.
I know that a big part of this transition is going to be remembering that it's time to put on my youthful adventurer hat. No whimpering, no what-ifs, and especially no hesitation.
Of course, I can take a moment or two to mourn the things I'll be putting on hold (not losing, mind you).
But like I said, it's time to put on my youthful adventurer hat. The enormity of this hits me in waves. The simpleness of this hits me in other waves. Fortunately, the youthful adventurer hat is a hat I own, which isn't true for everyone. Essentially, this job is a free pass to jump into me-ness and to start from the ground up in an interesting new place. This is that thing I've been dreaming of for at least 6 years. This is that thing I didn't think was possible until last October. This is the thing I refused to let myself daydream about from November to April while I was waiting to hear back. This is the thing I've been mentally preparing for for months. Kind of hard to believe it's actually happening now.
The last 1-2 years has been a steady stream of important/time consuming events and without fail I have stayed up all night the night before, doing the things I should've been doing for quite some time beforehand. I am a master procrastinator. Personally, I think I have a problem with perspective. Current = no problem. Far, far, off = no problem.
Far off = problem. I should not have just begun packing 36 hours before I need to be a Chicago. So what did I do all day today? I read from Sookie Stackhouse Novel #6 and slept. Poor choice, indeed, but it was rainy and I didn't know where to start. I know I'm going to suffer for this later, no matter how actively I planned to make this time different.
But I've kept the nightmares of being unprepared at bay (the count is up to 3 in the last week, which is far better than Thailand or leaving high school - God forbid I ever get married or run for president) and when push comes to shove I think my tranquility comes from the fact that no matter what I don't finish before I leave, I know I'm still going to succeed.