(no subject)
i think some friends may be appalled at my vehemence in none but One. as friends, it is understandable that they should be worried about me. after all that jazz, i still remain immovable from One. remaining subject to many negative impacts.
i know i dont have to explain, but i feel like i should. even worse, i dont think i can explain, but still i will try.
though i always treated them well, my life had been full of meaningless, brief frivolities. but i grew tired of it. aching for something more meaningful. to have someone and share the little and big things in life that we would not share with any others. and yet, thinking it was a flaw of mine, i could not bring myself to settle down with anyone, not knowing it was merely because they werent compatible. i grew to resent being in relationships and so did away with it altogether. i said a last prayer and consequently completely gave up hope on finding someone. it seemed like there was no one around who could understand my expectations and ideals of a relationship.
and then bam! a near miracle occurs. when our eyes first met, i was struck by a jolt that i did not understand. i know it sounds melodramatic but i swear, it was a real jolt. of course i did not know who this person would be to me so i did not put much thought into it. as time went by and discoveries of each other were made, i did not even notice feelings creeping into me and i think neither did the other.
so, someone with the same ideals and expectations, matching the criteria of what i had prayed for in my last prayer, come stumbling into my life.. and i give up? someone who has same RARE major outlook in life and of relationships as me, and i let go? when i had lost all hope and i surrendered to fate and fate slaps hope right back to my face, i turn my back on it? no, i stay and hope.
yes, it may be detrimental to me, especially in the long run. but what IF this turns out to be the greatest thing for the rest of my life to have happened to me? what IF im dying tmr and regret not being able to know the 'what could have been'? most importantly, what IF there's still hope? and you know what? there still is. cos the only thing that's holding us back is circumstances. and circumstances can change. that im sure of.
i may not be sensible in your eyes, but tts cos im on the extreme side of romantic ideals and ur probably somewhere in the middle or the other extreme. but i implore a recognition of this differing views, so we'll agree to disagree. i love my friends around me. all are concerned for me and i hope this will not be seen as a rejection of your concern. i fully recognize it and appreciate it and am touched for ppl looking out for me. so that does not mean that a reminder once in awhile is not welcomed. its in fact essential for keeping me from flying off the scale of romantic ideals. some others however, are nearer on the romantic ideals scale to me. and it comforts me to know that at least somewhere someone knows how it is to not be able to help being like this.
i am idealistic as to what i expect in my partner and idealistic in my outlook on relationships to the extent some may call me a fool. and to that, i agree. im a fool. and there's nothing worse than a fool in love. but at least this fool is not stupid or cowardly to let what she wants get away.
i can see it in your eyes
you feel the same about us as i
there is no way the truth can be disguised
you're still in love with me