HoMin Secret Santa Fic Exchange
Title: A Fairy's Tears
Author(s): Lolistar73
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: HoMin
Warnings: Character Death, failed attempt at angst, horrible grammar.
Summary: He didn't want to say goodbye, it wasn't supposed to be like this, not this year. Why did this happen?
A/N: forrainutopia for Secret Santa! I'm terribly sorry that you had to get a first time writer as your draw, but I really hope that you like the fic.
Prompt:Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy-Fantasia
Things I'd Like to See: Angst, 3rd person
Things I Def DNW: NC-17, 1st person
Hi there! So its my first time writing a fic, so I hope you all can forgive me for the grevious grammar errors you *will* find in here. I'm a native English speaker too so I really have no excuse T__T.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8At8zfh_o3E <--- the link to the song. I have to be honest, it was my first time seeing/hearing that beautiful music and in my honest opinion I think I was way off the ball. I'm not sure how my fic fits into the theme, but I swear I tried really hard to write as true to it as I could.
Anyways please enjoy while I go off to read some fluffy HoMin :D
0~0~0~0~0
“Yunho!? Hyung, where the fuck are you!?” screamed an irritated Changmin.
Scratch that. A cold, wet and highly irritated Changmin.
Changmin cursed as another large drop of rain landed squarely on his head, dosing the already drenched boy into further wetness. Changmin barely supressed a whimper as another dollop crashed into his overly sensitive wings, putting further strain on the already burdened gossamer protrusions.
Shaking off as much wetness as he could, the boy continued on with his search, despite the fact that the forest had now turned pitch black from the orange hue it had been when Changmin first started his search.
It was dark, really dark. The moon and stars were covered by black clouds and not much else produced light this deep in the Great Forest. Changmin’s own red aura around his body provided only the barest light to allow him to see what was only a foot in front of him and no further.
“Idiot, that stupid, stupid idiot! Is he trying to kill himself? I swear I’m going to do it for him when I find him!” Changmin muttered rapidly under his breath, annoyed that he could visibly see in puffs of wispy white coming out of his mouth every time he breathed.
Navigating through tall bushes of flowers and grass, Changmin was flying as fast as his tired wings would allow and that coupled with the curtain of water blocking off his vision, was not very fast at all.
He was tired and hungry and despite how angry he was, there was also a deep lingering worry etched deep inside him, a testament as to why he was outside in the freezing rain rather than inside his warm tree house underneath a warm flower petal with his lover snuggled beside him.
The problem with that situation being, it was his lover he was currently searching for.
Exhaling shakily, Changmin furiously rubbed water out of his stinging eyes and called out once more for Yunho, despite the fact that he knew it was unlikely anyone could hear him because of the deafening downpour.
Finally when the ache in his shoulders and wings grew too much, Changmin put the last of his energy in to flying up onto one of the branches of the plethora of trees around him. His landing was less than graceful as the fairy promptly collapsed onto the wet bark, sprawled on its itchy surface only thankful that the canopy of leaves kept the worst of the rain away.
Shivering uncontrollably, Changmin slowly sat up and started rubbing his arms furiously to get some warmth back into them. Slowly, now that he was no longer worried about collapsing mid-flight, his thoughts started catching up to him and Changmin could feel anxiety starting to take over.
“I s-should have waited. T-they could have h-helped me.” He whispered to himself out loud. His teeth were chattering violently and Changmin was feeling down right miserable. If he had waited until after the rain cleared like leader Leeteuk had suggested, then the entire coven could have aided in his search. But Changmin had been too caught up in worry for his hours missing lover to wait and had hoped to catch Yunho before the downpour began.
Now where was he? He was alone in the deep forest, exhausted, wet and cold and had no idea where his missing lover could be let alone how to get back to his home in these conditions.
Curling into a ball, Changmin allowed only a moment of misery to take him. He let a shuddered sigh escape his lips and wished with all his heart that Yunho was with him.
Yunho was so strong and confident, never letting anything bring him down. Yunho never cried, never felt self-pity and would never give up. Yunho would hold Changmin when he felt he was at his breaking point and calmly kissed away Changmin’s tears.
He wanted Yunho’s strong arms around him most right now. But the entire reason he was out here was to make sure his lover was okay.
Disappearing like this was not entirely uncommon for Yunho. Changmin knew, despite how strong Yunho always appeared in front of his kin, the fairy needed moments alone to cry and let out the negative emotions as he would never, as he called it, burden others with his problems.
However, normally the other fairy was only gone for an hour or two at most, and never did he leave when he knew conditions such as this were coming.
While the period of time he was missing and the looming weather would have had Changmin worried sick, they were not enough to make him search frantically like a loon in this weather as he was now.
No, he was worried out of his mind because Yunho was sick, very sick.
When Changmin had last left him, the other fairy had been nursing a fever so high, his fairy glow was literally burning to any whom touched him. He was lying still in the bed, looking as if nothing could give him the strength to get up, even if the tree house was on fire.
And this was not just a passing fever, Yunho had been sick for months.
Right after the Summer Solstice, what felt like eons ago, Changmin noticed Yunho withdrawing. From his family, his friends and even Changmin. The other fairy started to get sick constantly a result of not taking care of his body the way it needed. He talked very little and his movements, when he got out of bed, where mechanical, as if there was no life in them.
It was with a feeling of helplessness Changmin watched his lover, his best friend for years, wither away in front of him. Countless doctors took a look at the sickened fairy and all diagnosed the same thing - Yunho was in deep depression.
When he had first heard the news, Changmin had brushed it off. Yunho couldn’t be in depression, the other fairy did not know how not to smile. But as days passed and Yunho would lay bedridden, eyes blank and unapproachable, no matter how much Changmin cried out for him, he was forced to admit that it was as the doctors said.
Changmin had thought long and hard as to why. When his brethren had left the coven in search of something greater, it had been a hard time for both of them, but Changmin had truly believed that they had pulled themselves together after the first few months. They had even Danced as a duo in the previous Winter Solstice instead of the five they had since they came of age.
So why?
He begged and pleaded and threatened Yunho to answer his questions, but Yunho, from his better days to his worst days remained tight lipped on the subject. They would fight, Yunho screaming and when Changmin backed him into corners he would lash out hurtful words like, “Leave me alone to die,” and “I don’t want to live anymore,” but he never said why.
Changmin had been excited for this year’s Dance, determined to do better, to be better than they ever had before. He had believed, as he whispered to Yunho after fights or after Yunho finished throwing up, that the two of them would make the most beautiful music this year, better than any others.
When Yunho was feeling better, he would smile and nod and kiss Changmin’s cheek and say, “We will do our best, Min-ah, the two of us.”
When he was at his worst, not even Changmin could coax a word from him.
It was feelings of failure that overtook him during these times. The question of why he couldn’t help his lover, why he couldn’t put the smile back on those beautiful lips and why he couldn’t get Yunho to be luminescent in his fairy glow as he had before. Instead, he had to watch the glow dim day by day and cry to himself wondering if he was going to lose his lover, his brother and best friend.
It was a large rain dollop that penetrated the barrier of leaves and dropped right next to where Changmin sat that jolted him out of his thoughts.
He couldn’t afford to wallow in self-pity, Yunho was waiting for him.
Feeling the moment of self-depreciation pass, Changmin stood back up on shaky feet, determined to find his lover.
Taking a few steps back, Changmin prepared himself, breaking into a sprint and making a running leap off the branch. Spreading his wings, he ignored to sore pain and dove back into the pouring rain.
Still pitch dark, Changmin could only hope he was flying in the direction of forward instead of retracing his steps.
“Please, oh please Great Forest, let me find him,” he prayed under his breath mustering all the sincerity he could into his voice. He needed all the help he could get.
Changmin had just narrowly dodged a protruding tree branch minutes later, when he finally caught his break.
Elation filled him, his heart leaping to his throat in sheer relief as spotted a faint, very faint, red glow a few meters away from the place he was hovering.
Changmin would never figure out where he got his strength from, but finally spotting a hope his wings worked double time, taking him across the far expanse of foliage to the red dot in a less than a minute despite the rain never letting up.
His large doe eyes were fixed solely on the red dot, narrowed in concentration and never blinking despite the howling wind and rain making them sting. He would not lose focus. Not when his lover was so close.
As he reached closer to the red dot, he felt something was wrong.
Feeling his stomach bottoming out all of sudden, Changmin flew even faster, trying to get to the red dot he just knew was Yunho.
Some was really, really wrong.
“Yunho!? Yunho!” Changmin screamed again, this time not in irritation but worry. Reaching the leaf the other fairy was perched on he finally realized why the glow of red had not gotten any bigger as he got closer.
If anything, Yunho’s glow had dimmed so dull it was a wonder Changmin spotted Yunho at all.
Yunho, the leader of the once great Gods, sat withering away on the edge of the leaf of an, aptly metaphoric, dying flower. His once strong, dependable leader had faded away into nothing, into this ball that seemed to wish for the world to swallow him whole
Changmin felt the icy clench of his heart, swift and violent, as he finally reached the leaf, all but crashing on top of the other fairy in his haste.
“Yunho!? Oh, Great Forest, Yunho, please! Hyung, please, wake up!” furiously shaking the curled ball of his leader, Changmin could only feel his heart skipping beats and racing furiously against his ribs as he felt how icy cold Yunho was.
“Hyung, please, please,” Changmin knew he was crying, any and all anger or frustration replaced rapidly with fear because Yunho just wasn’t waking up.
Changmin knew, right then, that Yunho was dying.
Changmin cried harder, breath shuddering and snot making way down his nose unattractively. Trying to shield the ice cold ball of his lover with his own body, Changmin didn’t even care that the large raindrops were crashing furiously onto his unprotected wings.
Changmin had been out for only two and a half hours at most. Yunho had been missing the entire day. The dying flower offered only a withered petal as a means of protection from the rain, pathetic in its attempts to shield against raging Mother Nature.
Changmin crouched low, his entire body over Yunho, placing his entire ear next to the fairy’s mouth, praying for a hint of breath.
There.
He saw more than felt the breath, white and wispy in Yunho’s exhale.
Changmin couldn’t even spare the time to be relieved, pushing away any thoughts that he was too late, Yunho’s gone.
Changmin reached down and pulled Yunho up bodily with all his might. His worry only deepened when he noticed how easy it was. Yunho truly was wasting away into nothing. Taking a good look at his lover, Changmin noticed just how much Yunho had worsened with the coming of the season. The extra glow that all fairies at their peak possessed at the coming of the Winter Solstice was absent on his love. Yunho instead looked pale and gaunt. The skin around his cheeks had sunken in to a point where it looked ghastly. The area around his eyes was hollow and black and spoke volumes about how tired the other truly was. Changmin didn’t want to think about the fact that his hand could now fully go around Yunho’s skinny bicep where bulging muscle had been not a year before.
In short, Yunho looked like death was only a step away.
Changmin wanted to scream and cry and shake Yunho until sense seeped into his pores. He had done that though, when Yunho started exhibiting the first signs of depression. But nothing went through to the other fairy man. Yunho, the stubborn headed idiot, Changmin thought, was killing himself slowly through depression but wouldn’t tell him why.
“You idiot!” Changmin finally screamed when Yunho was laying limp in his arms. “You stupid, idiotic, moron!” he screamed even as cried, making the sound come out more as pathetic sobs.
Arms coming around Yunho’s unresponsive body, he hauled Yunho’s body as close as possible to his own. Changmin placed an arm around Yunho’s back and the other underneath his knees, only to collapse onto his own knees as it proved that Yunho was too heavy to carry in his exhausted state.
He let out a raged sob, failure seeping back into his core, feeling useless.
If Changmin didn’t get Yunho back home right now, the other would die. So why couldn’t he summon the strength necessary to save his loved one?
Hugging Yunho tight, he cried loudly into his lover’s neck, desperation finally reaching him.
“Yunho, wake up, please wake up,”
Rocking Yunho’s body slowly back and forth, Changmin felt his heart breaking as he realized how long it was taking for Yunho to inhale between his breaths.
Looking around desperately, for anything that could help him, Changmin saw nothing but pitch black and rain. The combined glow of Changmin and Yunho only had enough light to give a haunting shine to the dead flower.
About to turn his head away to look for anything that could give them shelter, Changmin quickly whipped his head back as he realized where they were.
“T-this, h-here? You c-came back, here!?” it was almost hysterical the tone Changmin donned, speaking to his unconscious lover.
The flower, Changmin was sure, was their flower - the very first flower the five of them had Danced upon all those years ago. It was where they returned when they wanted to be alone, where they went to talk or laugh or to get away.
He should have known. It was so obvious his sentimental lover would come here.
“Changmin!” and apparently that revelation came none too soon as he whipped around to see a cloud of glowing fairies in different colors all reach towards him.
And at that point Changmin couldn’t remember what happened afterwards. Only the warm embrace of family as he finally let exhaustion overtake him, falling into the arms of his kin.
0~0~0~0~0~0~0
“Yunho!” gasped Changmin as he jolted out of bed from the deep slumber he had been in.
Beside him, Minho, a younger fairy, jumped in surprise from the light dose he had been in.
“Hyung! You’re finally awake!” Minho exclaimed with joy. Truthfully, the younger boy had been deeply worried. The older fairy had been asleep for nearly 30 hours straight with a high fever. There were moments when he watched Changmin struggle for breath that he thought his hyung wouldn’t wake up.
“Minho?” Changmin croaked, his voice incredibly hoarse from the screaming he had done before, “What? Wher--,” he spluttered into a fit of coughs.
Minho quickly gave the older man a cup of water, supporting his back as he swallowed eagerly.
Giving the cup back and easing down back onto the piles of pillows, Changmin stared at Minho, eyes troubled and struggling with what to say. The light from the fire place across the bed covered the entire room in a warm, yellow and orange glow, but only outlined the sunken and feverish look on Changmin’s body.
Minho knew that Changmin had a lot of questions, but was thankful that right now Changmin was not off the bed frantically searching for his lover.
“Wait! Yunho, where is Yunho!?” Changmin hoarsely screamed as he struggled to get the blankets that confined him off.
Apparently, Minho spoke to soon.
Leaping into action, the younger boy quickly placed his body on top of the older’s, attempting to pin the other down before he hurt himself, “Hyung, calm down!”
“NO! Take me to Yunho right now, or so help me...” A round of violent coughing forced Changmin to trail off.
Changmin was frantic, all he could remember the deathly cold of Yunho’s skin, the unresponsiveness of his limp body. Yunho had looked dead.
Oh Great Forest, what if he was dead?
The chilling thought brought an abrupt halt to his movements, as a wave of cold washed over his body.
Minho confused about the lack of fight, slowly backed away from Changmin, giving him a wary look and ready to jump back on at the first sign of the boy trying to get off his bed.
Changmin distantly noticed that he was in the Town Hospital, as the bedding was less comfortable than his own at home and coupled with the medical herbs lying next to the dresser by the bed.
“Y-Yunho,” Changmin whispered, looking up at Minho. He needed answers, but right now he was terrified of hearing the wrong one.
Minho, hearing the question in Changmin’s voice, had to quickly look away from the sheer heartbreak and terror in those eyes.
“I…I, um,” Minho figited nervously, unsure of how to approach the subject feeling a rush of fear and sadness come over him as he realized he couldn’t tell his beloved hyung what he wanted to hear.
Changmin taking his answer for the worst, seemed to collapse on himself.
Bringing his legs up, Changmin hunched into himself as a violent wave of nausea passed through him. His mind was blank for a moment before a slew of memories rushed to the forefront.
Memories of Yunho’s face as he smiled and laughed, as he pouted and scowled. When Yunho would sneak up behind Changmin for a surprise back hug, when he would kiss Changmin’s forehead before he went to bed. Memories of the thousands of casual and intimate touches between them and the light and happiness of Yunho’s eyes. He remembered Yunho teasing him when Changmin would scowl and blush when Yunho repeated ‘I love yous’ in public places or when Yunho’s eyes would soften tenderly when Changmin shyly whispered the words back in private.
He remembered nights curling into his lover, plans for a future laying before them. He remembered wiping away sweat from Yunho’s feverish skin and wrapping arms and willing love to transfer through to the ailing fairy. He remembered wishing and praying that Yunho would get better, that he would truly smile again.
With a chocked sob, Changmin leant over the edge of the bed to dry heave as nausea swept through him.
Minho, alarmed, quickly rang the bell placed next to Changmin’s bed, the high trill alerting whoever was on duty to come quick.
Not a minute later, Yesung, the resident doctor came barrelling through. Quickly taking in the situation, he pushed Changmin back up onto the bed after the fairy finished dry heaving, and quickly made the young man down an herbal concoction that would settle down Changmin’s stomach and make the other drowsy.
Right after Changmin, Heechul and Leeteuk, two of the oldest fairies in the coven and close friends of Yunho and Changmin burst in through the door.
Changmin, who had just managed to settle down, quickly sat back up despite Minho and Yesung urging him to lie back down.
Seeing the tired looks on both fairies faces and the dried tears on Heechul’s just seemed to further solidify that something had gone wrong.
“Yunho, he’s not, he can’t be, please, it’s not true,” Changmin rambled desperately as despair caught up to him.
Yesung, sensing Changmin was on the verge of hysteria, quickly injected a mild sedative onto the fairy’s upper arm.
Leeteuk quickly rushed over to the side of the bed, and Changmin noted that the older fairy looked ragged, like he had not slept for a long time. Taking hold of Changmin’s hand, the older fairy quietly shushed the sobbing boy.
Changmin only felt like he was detached from himself. He felt as if he was watching a scene unrelated to him as the fairy on the bed sobbed uncontrollably and the three older fairies desperately tried to calm him down while, Heechul starting to tear up again, Minho shrank into a corner scared at seeing his role model break down.
“He’s not! Tell me he’s not!” Changmin saw the boy on the bed thrash around, crying hysterically. He watched as the doctor took another syringe and plunged it into the boy’s arm, while desperately trying to hold down flailing arms and wings.
“I’m sorry,” he heard a faint whisper, and Changmin whipped around, seeing Yunho, a healthy Yunho floating behind him. He looked just as he had before this mess had started, skin a healthy tan, eyes a comforting brown and laugh lines etched on the sides of his lips.
“Yunho,” Changmin whispered back. He was dreaming wasn’t he? What was this? Why was Yunho like this now? Why was he apologizing?
Changmin didn’t know, but he launched himself at the ethereal projection as soon as Yunho opened his arms.
It felt real, it had to be real. The warmth of those arms, strong around him, the slightly damp nose buried into the crook of his neck, the love he could feel from the beating heart of the chest pressed tight to his own.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough. I’m sorry I left you,” came the soft words, voice deep and comforting despite the heavy negativity laced in the words.
“No, no please, you wouldn’t! Hyung, you wouldn’t leave me! You promised you’d always be with me! You promised we’d Dance together!” Changmin cried, knowing deep inside that this was Yunho saying good-bye.
“I love you,” he sobbed, clutching closer to the body. His arms reached across Yunho’s back and held tight.
When he didn’t meet the soft, silky touch of Yunho’s wings, Changmin hastily looked up. It was then that he noticed Yunho didn’t have the red aura around him that fairies possessed and nor did he have wings.
“N-no,” Changmin cried out again, latching on to Yunho’s lips and squeezing his eyes tight to avoid the reality that was facing him.
Yunho wasn’t a fairy anymore, Yunho was dead, Yunho was leaving him.
Yunho kissed back, soft and languid where Changmin’s was deep and pressing.
Yunho pulled away first to press small, soft pecks across the expanse of Changmin’s teared face.
“P-please, please d-don’t l-leave me! Y-you c-an’t! I love you, I love you!” Changmin hiccupped violently, struggling to get back to Yunho’s lips.
A large, warm hand came and cupped Changmin’s face. He felt Yunho’s forehead press against his, his other hand wiping away the tears steadily streaming down his face, wetting his nose and lips.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough in this life. I promise Min-ah, next time, the next life we meet I’ll be strong enough to carry both of us. So let me rest for now, and I promise we will meet again my love,” Yunho whispered with an achy voice, his own tears falling from his eyes unnoticed.
No, he didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want to lose Yunho. Shaking his head and tightening his grip, Changmin gave a scream in despair as the Yunho’s form started to turn translucent and slowly wisp away.
“I love you Changmin, I love you so much and I’m sorry,” was Yunho’s said as he gave a sad smile, slowly vanishing.
“No! Please!” Changmin sobbed out, desperately clutching at the air Yunho was leaving behind.
“Please Min-ah, Dance for me, Dance for the five of us, I’ll be watching,” were the final words Changmin heard from Yunho before finally, Changmin’s arms were wrapped around nothing but air.
And it was a shuddering sob that Changmin’s own vision started turning black until it faded to nothing.
0~0~0~0~0
Three weeks later Changmin was standing at the entrance to the tree house with his fellow kin, waiting for the Dance to begin.
The ache and loneliness was a constant presence during the past days, and Changmin felt like he was nothing more than a corpse with wings.
The Dance was in a fairy’s nature, it was something they felt a compulsion to do - to spread their fairy dust and magic across the reaches of the Great Forest, and bring it to life.
The purpose of the Fairies Dance was as much a necessity as it was festive. With the Winter Solstice finally dawning, fairies wings would grow that much bigger, their glow that much brighter, their voices that much sweeter as they prepared to douse the forest in fairy dust to preserve the life of the trees and flowers and wildlife for the coming winter. It was a large and important task, but also a task that fairies enjoyed insurmountably. It was a time of joy for all fairies, but Changmin couldn’t muster up the glee. He felt empty.
They waited on the edge of the tree’s mouth, the entrance to their coven. Changmin was lonely perched to the edge of the crowd, his kin giving him wide berth understanding that this would be a difficult task for him.
The crowd of fairies were beautiful, all glowing different colors and looking positively radiant as they shimmered. It was a beautiful sight to see, a sight that had given Changmin pride years before, but this year Changmin couldn’t muster up the will to care. He was doing this because Yunho asked him to, because no matter how depressed he was, his nature called to him.
Given a choice he would be sobbing into the bed Yunho left behind.
Changmin was shook out of his musings as almost as one the crowd fell silent. Changmin waited for the speech Leeteuk would say, wanting so badly to tune it out, already knowing what it would be about.
Leeteuk flew up and above, hovering in front of the crowd of his kin and allowing all to see his radiating sapphire blue glow.
With a cough for attention, unneeded as all eyes were on him, Leeteuk began.
“The time of year has come again, a joyous occasion…” and Changmin tuned the rest out, already knowing the words by heart since the day he first joined the Dance.
He thought back to how just last year it had been him and Yunho standing here, nervous and sad but excited to go and Dance. The year before that it had been with the five of them anxiously waiting about, groaning at Leeteuk’s speech and annoying each other with pushes and shoves until the Call was finally felt.
“…but we have another motive for Dancing tonight,” Changmin perked up slightly and jolted out of his thoughts, not quite knowing what to do when eyes started turning towards him.
“We lost a brother recently, a man loved by all. For those who knew him, or knew of him, his love for the Dance is comparable to no ones. Our Yunho was a fairy borne from the flower of Mother Nature herself, and it tonight that we Dance on his behalf as he would have wanted us to. Sing your song and Dance your steps but remember the reason you are doing it. Yes it is inside us, our nature to do so, but it an event we should cherish with ever note sung and every step danced.”
He saw other crying near him, Leeteuk himself had tears silently running down his face, Minho and his group crying openly, Heechul buried in the arms of Hankyung, his lover.
It was Changmin’s eyes that were dry, a determination filling him with Leeteuk’s words.
There was a moment of silence in remembrance, and Changmin could only look down with hands clenched at his side, willing the burning hot hurt to stay buried for a while longer.
And then a tingle swept through Changmin’s wings, as if a hand had stroked down them and across his back. Changmin didn’t look up, but he did give a sad smile knowing it was Yunho’s comfort.
A few seconds later a different tingle swept through Changmin and without having to look he knew the crowd was feeling the same thing. The glow lighting up the tree grew blindingly more radiant as dozens of fairies spread their wings and prepared to fly.
Changmin took a running leap from the mouth of the tree, wings spread wide, red aura glowing brightly as he flew. Song ready in his heart, and wings prepared to dance, Changmin knew exactly where he would head to first.
And as Changmin grew closer to the flower that had been dying weeks before, the same flower he Yunho and he had parted at, he spotted three red dots hovering near.
And as he felt another fleeting touch go across his wings, Changmin finally smiled.
0~0~0~0~0
Well that was that, please let me know what you think. I'm terribly sorry for the failed angst T__T and I'm *really* sorry I killed Yunho! T_____________________________T
Author(s): Lolistar73
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: HoMin
Warnings: Character Death, failed attempt at angst, horrible grammar.
Summary: He didn't want to say goodbye, it wasn't supposed to be like this, not this year. Why did this happen?
A/N: forrainutopia for Secret Santa! I'm terribly sorry that you had to get a first time writer as your draw, but I really hope that you like the fic.
Prompt:Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy-Fantasia
Things I'd Like to See: Angst, 3rd person
Things I Def DNW: NC-17, 1st person
Hi there! So its my first time writing a fic, so I hope you all can forgive me for the grevious grammar errors you *will* find in here. I'm a native English speaker too so I really have no excuse T__T.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8At8zfh_o3E <--- the link to the song. I have to be honest, it was my first time seeing/hearing that beautiful music and in my honest opinion I think I was way off the ball. I'm not sure how my fic fits into the theme, but I swear I tried really hard to write as true to it as I could.
Anyways please enjoy while I go off to read some fluffy HoMin :D
0~0~0~0~0
“Yunho!? Hyung, where the fuck are you!?” screamed an irritated Changmin.
Scratch that. A cold, wet and highly irritated Changmin.
Changmin cursed as another large drop of rain landed squarely on his head, dosing the already drenched boy into further wetness. Changmin barely supressed a whimper as another dollop crashed into his overly sensitive wings, putting further strain on the already burdened gossamer protrusions.
Shaking off as much wetness as he could, the boy continued on with his search, despite the fact that the forest had now turned pitch black from the orange hue it had been when Changmin first started his search.
It was dark, really dark. The moon and stars were covered by black clouds and not much else produced light this deep in the Great Forest. Changmin’s own red aura around his body provided only the barest light to allow him to see what was only a foot in front of him and no further.
“Idiot, that stupid, stupid idiot! Is he trying to kill himself? I swear I’m going to do it for him when I find him!” Changmin muttered rapidly under his breath, annoyed that he could visibly see in puffs of wispy white coming out of his mouth every time he breathed.
Navigating through tall bushes of flowers and grass, Changmin was flying as fast as his tired wings would allow and that coupled with the curtain of water blocking off his vision, was not very fast at all.
He was tired and hungry and despite how angry he was, there was also a deep lingering worry etched deep inside him, a testament as to why he was outside in the freezing rain rather than inside his warm tree house underneath a warm flower petal with his lover snuggled beside him.
The problem with that situation being, it was his lover he was currently searching for.
Exhaling shakily, Changmin furiously rubbed water out of his stinging eyes and called out once more for Yunho, despite the fact that he knew it was unlikely anyone could hear him because of the deafening downpour.
Finally when the ache in his shoulders and wings grew too much, Changmin put the last of his energy in to flying up onto one of the branches of the plethora of trees around him. His landing was less than graceful as the fairy promptly collapsed onto the wet bark, sprawled on its itchy surface only thankful that the canopy of leaves kept the worst of the rain away.
Shivering uncontrollably, Changmin slowly sat up and started rubbing his arms furiously to get some warmth back into them. Slowly, now that he was no longer worried about collapsing mid-flight, his thoughts started catching up to him and Changmin could feel anxiety starting to take over.
“I s-should have waited. T-they could have h-helped me.” He whispered to himself out loud. His teeth were chattering violently and Changmin was feeling down right miserable. If he had waited until after the rain cleared like leader Leeteuk had suggested, then the entire coven could have aided in his search. But Changmin had been too caught up in worry for his hours missing lover to wait and had hoped to catch Yunho before the downpour began.
Now where was he? He was alone in the deep forest, exhausted, wet and cold and had no idea where his missing lover could be let alone how to get back to his home in these conditions.
Curling into a ball, Changmin allowed only a moment of misery to take him. He let a shuddered sigh escape his lips and wished with all his heart that Yunho was with him.
Yunho was so strong and confident, never letting anything bring him down. Yunho never cried, never felt self-pity and would never give up. Yunho would hold Changmin when he felt he was at his breaking point and calmly kissed away Changmin’s tears.
He wanted Yunho’s strong arms around him most right now. But the entire reason he was out here was to make sure his lover was okay.
Disappearing like this was not entirely uncommon for Yunho. Changmin knew, despite how strong Yunho always appeared in front of his kin, the fairy needed moments alone to cry and let out the negative emotions as he would never, as he called it, burden others with his problems.
However, normally the other fairy was only gone for an hour or two at most, and never did he leave when he knew conditions such as this were coming.
While the period of time he was missing and the looming weather would have had Changmin worried sick, they were not enough to make him search frantically like a loon in this weather as he was now.
No, he was worried out of his mind because Yunho was sick, very sick.
When Changmin had last left him, the other fairy had been nursing a fever so high, his fairy glow was literally burning to any whom touched him. He was lying still in the bed, looking as if nothing could give him the strength to get up, even if the tree house was on fire.
And this was not just a passing fever, Yunho had been sick for months.
Right after the Summer Solstice, what felt like eons ago, Changmin noticed Yunho withdrawing. From his family, his friends and even Changmin. The other fairy started to get sick constantly a result of not taking care of his body the way it needed. He talked very little and his movements, when he got out of bed, where mechanical, as if there was no life in them.
It was with a feeling of helplessness Changmin watched his lover, his best friend for years, wither away in front of him. Countless doctors took a look at the sickened fairy and all diagnosed the same thing - Yunho was in deep depression.
When he had first heard the news, Changmin had brushed it off. Yunho couldn’t be in depression, the other fairy did not know how not to smile. But as days passed and Yunho would lay bedridden, eyes blank and unapproachable, no matter how much Changmin cried out for him, he was forced to admit that it was as the doctors said.
Changmin had thought long and hard as to why. When his brethren had left the coven in search of something greater, it had been a hard time for both of them, but Changmin had truly believed that they had pulled themselves together after the first few months. They had even Danced as a duo in the previous Winter Solstice instead of the five they had since they came of age.
So why?
He begged and pleaded and threatened Yunho to answer his questions, but Yunho, from his better days to his worst days remained tight lipped on the subject. They would fight, Yunho screaming and when Changmin backed him into corners he would lash out hurtful words like, “Leave me alone to die,” and “I don’t want to live anymore,” but he never said why.
Changmin had been excited for this year’s Dance, determined to do better, to be better than they ever had before. He had believed, as he whispered to Yunho after fights or after Yunho finished throwing up, that the two of them would make the most beautiful music this year, better than any others.
When Yunho was feeling better, he would smile and nod and kiss Changmin’s cheek and say, “We will do our best, Min-ah, the two of us.”
When he was at his worst, not even Changmin could coax a word from him.
It was feelings of failure that overtook him during these times. The question of why he couldn’t help his lover, why he couldn’t put the smile back on those beautiful lips and why he couldn’t get Yunho to be luminescent in his fairy glow as he had before. Instead, he had to watch the glow dim day by day and cry to himself wondering if he was going to lose his lover, his brother and best friend.
It was a large rain dollop that penetrated the barrier of leaves and dropped right next to where Changmin sat that jolted him out of his thoughts.
He couldn’t afford to wallow in self-pity, Yunho was waiting for him.
Feeling the moment of self-depreciation pass, Changmin stood back up on shaky feet, determined to find his lover.
Taking a few steps back, Changmin prepared himself, breaking into a sprint and making a running leap off the branch. Spreading his wings, he ignored to sore pain and dove back into the pouring rain.
Still pitch dark, Changmin could only hope he was flying in the direction of forward instead of retracing his steps.
“Please, oh please Great Forest, let me find him,” he prayed under his breath mustering all the sincerity he could into his voice. He needed all the help he could get.
Changmin had just narrowly dodged a protruding tree branch minutes later, when he finally caught his break.
Elation filled him, his heart leaping to his throat in sheer relief as spotted a faint, very faint, red glow a few meters away from the place he was hovering.
Changmin would never figure out where he got his strength from, but finally spotting a hope his wings worked double time, taking him across the far expanse of foliage to the red dot in a less than a minute despite the rain never letting up.
His large doe eyes were fixed solely on the red dot, narrowed in concentration and never blinking despite the howling wind and rain making them sting. He would not lose focus. Not when his lover was so close.
As he reached closer to the red dot, he felt something was wrong.
Feeling his stomach bottoming out all of sudden, Changmin flew even faster, trying to get to the red dot he just knew was Yunho.
Some was really, really wrong.
“Yunho!? Yunho!” Changmin screamed again, this time not in irritation but worry. Reaching the leaf the other fairy was perched on he finally realized why the glow of red had not gotten any bigger as he got closer.
If anything, Yunho’s glow had dimmed so dull it was a wonder Changmin spotted Yunho at all.
Yunho, the leader of the once great Gods, sat withering away on the edge of the leaf of an, aptly metaphoric, dying flower. His once strong, dependable leader had faded away into nothing, into this ball that seemed to wish for the world to swallow him whole
Changmin felt the icy clench of his heart, swift and violent, as he finally reached the leaf, all but crashing on top of the other fairy in his haste.
“Yunho!? Oh, Great Forest, Yunho, please! Hyung, please, wake up!” furiously shaking the curled ball of his leader, Changmin could only feel his heart skipping beats and racing furiously against his ribs as he felt how icy cold Yunho was.
“Hyung, please, please,” Changmin knew he was crying, any and all anger or frustration replaced rapidly with fear because Yunho just wasn’t waking up.
Changmin knew, right then, that Yunho was dying.
Changmin cried harder, breath shuddering and snot making way down his nose unattractively. Trying to shield the ice cold ball of his lover with his own body, Changmin didn’t even care that the large raindrops were crashing furiously onto his unprotected wings.
Changmin had been out for only two and a half hours at most. Yunho had been missing the entire day. The dying flower offered only a withered petal as a means of protection from the rain, pathetic in its attempts to shield against raging Mother Nature.
Changmin crouched low, his entire body over Yunho, placing his entire ear next to the fairy’s mouth, praying for a hint of breath.
There.
He saw more than felt the breath, white and wispy in Yunho’s exhale.
Changmin couldn’t even spare the time to be relieved, pushing away any thoughts that he was too late, Yunho’s gone.
Changmin reached down and pulled Yunho up bodily with all his might. His worry only deepened when he noticed how easy it was. Yunho truly was wasting away into nothing. Taking a good look at his lover, Changmin noticed just how much Yunho had worsened with the coming of the season. The extra glow that all fairies at their peak possessed at the coming of the Winter Solstice was absent on his love. Yunho instead looked pale and gaunt. The skin around his cheeks had sunken in to a point where it looked ghastly. The area around his eyes was hollow and black and spoke volumes about how tired the other truly was. Changmin didn’t want to think about the fact that his hand could now fully go around Yunho’s skinny bicep where bulging muscle had been not a year before.
In short, Yunho looked like death was only a step away.
Changmin wanted to scream and cry and shake Yunho until sense seeped into his pores. He had done that though, when Yunho started exhibiting the first signs of depression. But nothing went through to the other fairy man. Yunho, the stubborn headed idiot, Changmin thought, was killing himself slowly through depression but wouldn’t tell him why.
“You idiot!” Changmin finally screamed when Yunho was laying limp in his arms. “You stupid, idiotic, moron!” he screamed even as cried, making the sound come out more as pathetic sobs.
Arms coming around Yunho’s unresponsive body, he hauled Yunho’s body as close as possible to his own. Changmin placed an arm around Yunho’s back and the other underneath his knees, only to collapse onto his own knees as it proved that Yunho was too heavy to carry in his exhausted state.
He let out a raged sob, failure seeping back into his core, feeling useless.
If Changmin didn’t get Yunho back home right now, the other would die. So why couldn’t he summon the strength necessary to save his loved one?
Hugging Yunho tight, he cried loudly into his lover’s neck, desperation finally reaching him.
“Yunho, wake up, please wake up,”
Rocking Yunho’s body slowly back and forth, Changmin felt his heart breaking as he realized how long it was taking for Yunho to inhale between his breaths.
Looking around desperately, for anything that could help him, Changmin saw nothing but pitch black and rain. The combined glow of Changmin and Yunho only had enough light to give a haunting shine to the dead flower.
About to turn his head away to look for anything that could give them shelter, Changmin quickly whipped his head back as he realized where they were.
“T-this, h-here? You c-came back, here!?” it was almost hysterical the tone Changmin donned, speaking to his unconscious lover.
The flower, Changmin was sure, was their flower - the very first flower the five of them had Danced upon all those years ago. It was where they returned when they wanted to be alone, where they went to talk or laugh or to get away.
He should have known. It was so obvious his sentimental lover would come here.
“Changmin!” and apparently that revelation came none too soon as he whipped around to see a cloud of glowing fairies in different colors all reach towards him.
And at that point Changmin couldn’t remember what happened afterwards. Only the warm embrace of family as he finally let exhaustion overtake him, falling into the arms of his kin.
0~0~0~0~0~0~0
“Yunho!” gasped Changmin as he jolted out of bed from the deep slumber he had been in.
Beside him, Minho, a younger fairy, jumped in surprise from the light dose he had been in.
“Hyung! You’re finally awake!” Minho exclaimed with joy. Truthfully, the younger boy had been deeply worried. The older fairy had been asleep for nearly 30 hours straight with a high fever. There were moments when he watched Changmin struggle for breath that he thought his hyung wouldn’t wake up.
“Minho?” Changmin croaked, his voice incredibly hoarse from the screaming he had done before, “What? Wher--,” he spluttered into a fit of coughs.
Minho quickly gave the older man a cup of water, supporting his back as he swallowed eagerly.
Giving the cup back and easing down back onto the piles of pillows, Changmin stared at Minho, eyes troubled and struggling with what to say. The light from the fire place across the bed covered the entire room in a warm, yellow and orange glow, but only outlined the sunken and feverish look on Changmin’s body.
Minho knew that Changmin had a lot of questions, but was thankful that right now Changmin was not off the bed frantically searching for his lover.
“Wait! Yunho, where is Yunho!?” Changmin hoarsely screamed as he struggled to get the blankets that confined him off.
Apparently, Minho spoke to soon.
Leaping into action, the younger boy quickly placed his body on top of the older’s, attempting to pin the other down before he hurt himself, “Hyung, calm down!”
“NO! Take me to Yunho right now, or so help me...” A round of violent coughing forced Changmin to trail off.
Changmin was frantic, all he could remember the deathly cold of Yunho’s skin, the unresponsiveness of his limp body. Yunho had looked dead.
Oh Great Forest, what if he was dead?
The chilling thought brought an abrupt halt to his movements, as a wave of cold washed over his body.
Minho confused about the lack of fight, slowly backed away from Changmin, giving him a wary look and ready to jump back on at the first sign of the boy trying to get off his bed.
Changmin distantly noticed that he was in the Town Hospital, as the bedding was less comfortable than his own at home and coupled with the medical herbs lying next to the dresser by the bed.
“Y-Yunho,” Changmin whispered, looking up at Minho. He needed answers, but right now he was terrified of hearing the wrong one.
Minho, hearing the question in Changmin’s voice, had to quickly look away from the sheer heartbreak and terror in those eyes.
“I…I, um,” Minho figited nervously, unsure of how to approach the subject feeling a rush of fear and sadness come over him as he realized he couldn’t tell his beloved hyung what he wanted to hear.
Changmin taking his answer for the worst, seemed to collapse on himself.
Bringing his legs up, Changmin hunched into himself as a violent wave of nausea passed through him. His mind was blank for a moment before a slew of memories rushed to the forefront.
Memories of Yunho’s face as he smiled and laughed, as he pouted and scowled. When Yunho would sneak up behind Changmin for a surprise back hug, when he would kiss Changmin’s forehead before he went to bed. Memories of the thousands of casual and intimate touches between them and the light and happiness of Yunho’s eyes. He remembered Yunho teasing him when Changmin would scowl and blush when Yunho repeated ‘I love yous’ in public places or when Yunho’s eyes would soften tenderly when Changmin shyly whispered the words back in private.
He remembered nights curling into his lover, plans for a future laying before them. He remembered wiping away sweat from Yunho’s feverish skin and wrapping arms and willing love to transfer through to the ailing fairy. He remembered wishing and praying that Yunho would get better, that he would truly smile again.
With a chocked sob, Changmin leant over the edge of the bed to dry heave as nausea swept through him.
Minho, alarmed, quickly rang the bell placed next to Changmin’s bed, the high trill alerting whoever was on duty to come quick.
Not a minute later, Yesung, the resident doctor came barrelling through. Quickly taking in the situation, he pushed Changmin back up onto the bed after the fairy finished dry heaving, and quickly made the young man down an herbal concoction that would settle down Changmin’s stomach and make the other drowsy.
Right after Changmin, Heechul and Leeteuk, two of the oldest fairies in the coven and close friends of Yunho and Changmin burst in through the door.
Changmin, who had just managed to settle down, quickly sat back up despite Minho and Yesung urging him to lie back down.
Seeing the tired looks on both fairies faces and the dried tears on Heechul’s just seemed to further solidify that something had gone wrong.
“Yunho, he’s not, he can’t be, please, it’s not true,” Changmin rambled desperately as despair caught up to him.
Yesung, sensing Changmin was on the verge of hysteria, quickly injected a mild sedative onto the fairy’s upper arm.
Leeteuk quickly rushed over to the side of the bed, and Changmin noted that the older fairy looked ragged, like he had not slept for a long time. Taking hold of Changmin’s hand, the older fairy quietly shushed the sobbing boy.
Changmin only felt like he was detached from himself. He felt as if he was watching a scene unrelated to him as the fairy on the bed sobbed uncontrollably and the three older fairies desperately tried to calm him down while, Heechul starting to tear up again, Minho shrank into a corner scared at seeing his role model break down.
“He’s not! Tell me he’s not!” Changmin saw the boy on the bed thrash around, crying hysterically. He watched as the doctor took another syringe and plunged it into the boy’s arm, while desperately trying to hold down flailing arms and wings.
“I’m sorry,” he heard a faint whisper, and Changmin whipped around, seeing Yunho, a healthy Yunho floating behind him. He looked just as he had before this mess had started, skin a healthy tan, eyes a comforting brown and laugh lines etched on the sides of his lips.
“Yunho,” Changmin whispered back. He was dreaming wasn’t he? What was this? Why was Yunho like this now? Why was he apologizing?
Changmin didn’t know, but he launched himself at the ethereal projection as soon as Yunho opened his arms.
It felt real, it had to be real. The warmth of those arms, strong around him, the slightly damp nose buried into the crook of his neck, the love he could feel from the beating heart of the chest pressed tight to his own.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough. I’m sorry I left you,” came the soft words, voice deep and comforting despite the heavy negativity laced in the words.
“No, no please, you wouldn’t! Hyung, you wouldn’t leave me! You promised you’d always be with me! You promised we’d Dance together!” Changmin cried, knowing deep inside that this was Yunho saying good-bye.
“I love you,” he sobbed, clutching closer to the body. His arms reached across Yunho’s back and held tight.
When he didn’t meet the soft, silky touch of Yunho’s wings, Changmin hastily looked up. It was then that he noticed Yunho didn’t have the red aura around him that fairies possessed and nor did he have wings.
“N-no,” Changmin cried out again, latching on to Yunho’s lips and squeezing his eyes tight to avoid the reality that was facing him.
Yunho wasn’t a fairy anymore, Yunho was dead, Yunho was leaving him.
Yunho kissed back, soft and languid where Changmin’s was deep and pressing.
Yunho pulled away first to press small, soft pecks across the expanse of Changmin’s teared face.
“P-please, please d-don’t l-leave me! Y-you c-an’t! I love you, I love you!” Changmin hiccupped violently, struggling to get back to Yunho’s lips.
A large, warm hand came and cupped Changmin’s face. He felt Yunho’s forehead press against his, his other hand wiping away the tears steadily streaming down his face, wetting his nose and lips.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough in this life. I promise Min-ah, next time, the next life we meet I’ll be strong enough to carry both of us. So let me rest for now, and I promise we will meet again my love,” Yunho whispered with an achy voice, his own tears falling from his eyes unnoticed.
No, he didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want to lose Yunho. Shaking his head and tightening his grip, Changmin gave a scream in despair as the Yunho’s form started to turn translucent and slowly wisp away.
“I love you Changmin, I love you so much and I’m sorry,” was Yunho’s said as he gave a sad smile, slowly vanishing.
“No! Please!” Changmin sobbed out, desperately clutching at the air Yunho was leaving behind.
“Please Min-ah, Dance for me, Dance for the five of us, I’ll be watching,” were the final words Changmin heard from Yunho before finally, Changmin’s arms were wrapped around nothing but air.
And it was a shuddering sob that Changmin’s own vision started turning black until it faded to nothing.
0~0~0~0~0
Three weeks later Changmin was standing at the entrance to the tree house with his fellow kin, waiting for the Dance to begin.
The ache and loneliness was a constant presence during the past days, and Changmin felt like he was nothing more than a corpse with wings.
The Dance was in a fairy’s nature, it was something they felt a compulsion to do - to spread their fairy dust and magic across the reaches of the Great Forest, and bring it to life.
The purpose of the Fairies Dance was as much a necessity as it was festive. With the Winter Solstice finally dawning, fairies wings would grow that much bigger, their glow that much brighter, their voices that much sweeter as they prepared to douse the forest in fairy dust to preserve the life of the trees and flowers and wildlife for the coming winter. It was a large and important task, but also a task that fairies enjoyed insurmountably. It was a time of joy for all fairies, but Changmin couldn’t muster up the glee. He felt empty.
They waited on the edge of the tree’s mouth, the entrance to their coven. Changmin was lonely perched to the edge of the crowd, his kin giving him wide berth understanding that this would be a difficult task for him.
The crowd of fairies were beautiful, all glowing different colors and looking positively radiant as they shimmered. It was a beautiful sight to see, a sight that had given Changmin pride years before, but this year Changmin couldn’t muster up the will to care. He was doing this because Yunho asked him to, because no matter how depressed he was, his nature called to him.
Given a choice he would be sobbing into the bed Yunho left behind.
Changmin was shook out of his musings as almost as one the crowd fell silent. Changmin waited for the speech Leeteuk would say, wanting so badly to tune it out, already knowing what it would be about.
Leeteuk flew up and above, hovering in front of the crowd of his kin and allowing all to see his radiating sapphire blue glow.
With a cough for attention, unneeded as all eyes were on him, Leeteuk began.
“The time of year has come again, a joyous occasion…” and Changmin tuned the rest out, already knowing the words by heart since the day he first joined the Dance.
He thought back to how just last year it had been him and Yunho standing here, nervous and sad but excited to go and Dance. The year before that it had been with the five of them anxiously waiting about, groaning at Leeteuk’s speech and annoying each other with pushes and shoves until the Call was finally felt.
“…but we have another motive for Dancing tonight,” Changmin perked up slightly and jolted out of his thoughts, not quite knowing what to do when eyes started turning towards him.
“We lost a brother recently, a man loved by all. For those who knew him, or knew of him, his love for the Dance is comparable to no ones. Our Yunho was a fairy borne from the flower of Mother Nature herself, and it tonight that we Dance on his behalf as he would have wanted us to. Sing your song and Dance your steps but remember the reason you are doing it. Yes it is inside us, our nature to do so, but it an event we should cherish with ever note sung and every step danced.”
He saw other crying near him, Leeteuk himself had tears silently running down his face, Minho and his group crying openly, Heechul buried in the arms of Hankyung, his lover.
It was Changmin’s eyes that were dry, a determination filling him with Leeteuk’s words.
There was a moment of silence in remembrance, and Changmin could only look down with hands clenched at his side, willing the burning hot hurt to stay buried for a while longer.
And then a tingle swept through Changmin’s wings, as if a hand had stroked down them and across his back. Changmin didn’t look up, but he did give a sad smile knowing it was Yunho’s comfort.
A few seconds later a different tingle swept through Changmin and without having to look he knew the crowd was feeling the same thing. The glow lighting up the tree grew blindingly more radiant as dozens of fairies spread their wings and prepared to fly.
Changmin took a running leap from the mouth of the tree, wings spread wide, red aura glowing brightly as he flew. Song ready in his heart, and wings prepared to dance, Changmin knew exactly where he would head to first.
And as Changmin grew closer to the flower that had been dying weeks before, the same flower he Yunho and he had parted at, he spotted three red dots hovering near.
And as he felt another fleeting touch go across his wings, Changmin finally smiled.
0~0~0~0~0
Well that was that, please let me know what you think. I'm terribly sorry for the failed angst T__T and I'm *really* sorry I killed Yunho! T_____________________________T