caution..if you're against marijuana, dont read this entry..im warning you.
i dont know why. why is it that once things are pretty cool and going good, you find out something happened, and it ruins everything you had going. this world sucks ass let me tell you..
i just spent a lovely night with my love and we watched s.w.a.t. and went to the bees and stuff with kelly ann, jenny ferrari, her boytoy louis, and diannaaa. it was good. i met jenny for the first time and we had a lot of fun at the bees. eating. and whatnot. we saw erin locasio, tyler, mike milillo, and other people. it was wonderful. and then me and lauren went to my house and hung out and then went to her house and talked and such. shes under a lot of stress and i dont know, i just want to help her out and stuff. shes worried about college, and work, and school, and me, and drivers ed, etc etc. its too much for her to handle, but i told her to not give up because i have faith in her. i really do. i believe that shes a strong ass bitch and she can do anything. nothings too much for her to handle. but anyway, i love her so much and we have plans and everything for next year and when we grow up and everything. =) its amazing..
oh frigin man. saturday night. oh wow. i dont think i was ever that fucked up in my liiiiife. me, kristen, lauren and evan got driven to this kid steve's party so none of us would have to drive home. as soon as we got there, we whipped out the coronas and buds and carried them to the back. there were a lot of people there. me and lauren followed danny and blazed a bit. his stuff kept making me cough, my stuff was better. totally. so yea me and lauren did that and then went in the back and drank a bit. then heather showed up and we blazed with her a bit. and then we all got tired so we slept in danny's van until he woke us home bc he wanted to go home. lol we slept like 2 or three hours. well anyways, we went in the backyard and chilled with kristen and people. we were kinda bored. kristen and erin dabe made up so theyre friends now. a little while later brigid showed up with steph ryan. and then frigin alyssa kinney showed up. i was like HOLY FUCK ALYSSA KINNEY IS HERE. i went up to her and we hugged and talked and stuff. then we all went out to the front yard again bc alyssa wanted to smoke. so we did and got reaaaaaaally messed up. steph ryan was on the phone and shes like "dammit i want a hit" and we teased her and shit and were like "steeeeeeeph you know you waaaaaaaannnt itttttt". it was such a funny night. i only remember some major things like that and stuff. but i dont remember anything else. lol it was hysterical. alyssa kept doing cartwheels in the road. her and her friend brooke were smoking and pissing themselves. it was awesome. and brigid was just there. i also got to hang with mcintee who i havent seen in a while. i miss that kid and his crazy antics. he said that "after tonight i quit drinking" LMAO. yea. sure mike. so yea we got picked up and went home. lauren slept over and we went to bed and woke up and we were stilllll fucked up from the night before. i walked around work not even knowing where i was. it was insane. wow that night was great. good luck in the army steve, youre a cool guy..
well, things started to suck once i got home tonight. i started looking at peoples away messages to see where they were and i looked at danielles and my mouth dropped. this girl amy from centereach died tonight at about 6.30 pm of cancer. i didnt know amy, but i heard all about her. i read jessee's journal all the time because she was always updating on amy's condition. and i read it tonight when i got home. and i broke down in tears. i couldnt believe it. this girl who stayed so strong for this long, finally passed on. it got me so upset like you wouldnt believe. i kept crying to lauren and then she cried and it was a catastrophy. i know it sounds wierd when someone gets so emotional about someone they dont even know, but it hit me hard. im not sure why. it upset me and scared me and made me so angry all at once. heather called me too and we talked about it. the girl was so young, and she endured so much pain. she held on for as long as she could, and then she just couldnt hold on any longer. the first person i thought of when i heard about it was jessee. i kept thinking of how distraut she much be. im glad i got to talk to her though. and danielle too. danielle is doing worse, or seemed like she was doing worse, than jessee was. i dont know, danielle is a confused girl who needs to figure herself out. i made up a quote that heather stole from me. "live your life like death is a hypocrisy". i think im going to try and follow it, because life is really too short to waste if you think about it..
well im going to go to bed. its gonna be hard to sleep. the past few nights ive been taking soma, but tonight im on my own. bowling in the morning, and then bonnie, and then public speaking. then work. I HATE THAT GOD FORSAKEN PLACE. im gonna be a bartender at the bees when im 18. =) speaking of, the countdown is 11 days till my 18th birthday, and 8 days until our 6 month. :o* i love my baby so much. shes my bandaid. <333 goodnight everyone.
almost 6 months, and i still haev a crush on you. ;)
i love you babygirl. i cant say it enough. <3 -3.21.04-
i just spent a lovely night with my love and we watched s.w.a.t. and went to the bees and stuff with kelly ann, jenny ferrari, her boytoy louis, and diannaaa. it was good. i met jenny for the first time and we had a lot of fun at the bees. eating. and whatnot. we saw erin locasio, tyler, mike milillo, and other people. it was wonderful. and then me and lauren went to my house and hung out and then went to her house and talked and such. shes under a lot of stress and i dont know, i just want to help her out and stuff. shes worried about college, and work, and school, and me, and drivers ed, etc etc. its too much for her to handle, but i told her to not give up because i have faith in her. i really do. i believe that shes a strong ass bitch and she can do anything. nothings too much for her to handle. but anyway, i love her so much and we have plans and everything for next year and when we grow up and everything. =) its amazing..
oh frigin man. saturday night. oh wow. i dont think i was ever that fucked up in my liiiiife. me, kristen, lauren and evan got driven to this kid steve's party so none of us would have to drive home. as soon as we got there, we whipped out the coronas and buds and carried them to the back. there were a lot of people there. me and lauren followed danny and blazed a bit. his stuff kept making me cough, my stuff was better. totally. so yea me and lauren did that and then went in the back and drank a bit. then heather showed up and we blazed with her a bit. and then we all got tired so we slept in danny's van until he woke us home bc he wanted to go home. lol we slept like 2 or three hours. well anyways, we went in the backyard and chilled with kristen and people. we were kinda bored. kristen and erin dabe made up so theyre friends now. a little while later brigid showed up with steph ryan. and then frigin alyssa kinney showed up. i was like HOLY FUCK ALYSSA KINNEY IS HERE. i went up to her and we hugged and talked and stuff. then we all went out to the front yard again bc alyssa wanted to smoke. so we did and got reaaaaaaally messed up. steph ryan was on the phone and shes like "dammit i want a hit" and we teased her and shit and were like "steeeeeeeph you know you waaaaaaaannnt itttttt". it was such a funny night. i only remember some major things like that and stuff. but i dont remember anything else. lol it was hysterical. alyssa kept doing cartwheels in the road. her and her friend brooke were smoking and pissing themselves. it was awesome. and brigid was just there. i also got to hang with mcintee who i havent seen in a while. i miss that kid and his crazy antics. he said that "after tonight i quit drinking" LMAO. yea. sure mike. so yea we got picked up and went home. lauren slept over and we went to bed and woke up and we were stilllll fucked up from the night before. i walked around work not even knowing where i was. it was insane. wow that night was great. good luck in the army steve, youre a cool guy..
well, things started to suck once i got home tonight. i started looking at peoples away messages to see where they were and i looked at danielles and my mouth dropped. this girl amy from centereach died tonight at about 6.30 pm of cancer. i didnt know amy, but i heard all about her. i read jessee's journal all the time because she was always updating on amy's condition. and i read it tonight when i got home. and i broke down in tears. i couldnt believe it. this girl who stayed so strong for this long, finally passed on. it got me so upset like you wouldnt believe. i kept crying to lauren and then she cried and it was a catastrophy. i know it sounds wierd when someone gets so emotional about someone they dont even know, but it hit me hard. im not sure why. it upset me and scared me and made me so angry all at once. heather called me too and we talked about it. the girl was so young, and she endured so much pain. she held on for as long as she could, and then she just couldnt hold on any longer. the first person i thought of when i heard about it was jessee. i kept thinking of how distraut she much be. im glad i got to talk to her though. and danielle too. danielle is doing worse, or seemed like she was doing worse, than jessee was. i dont know, danielle is a confused girl who needs to figure herself out. i made up a quote that heather stole from me. "live your life like death is a hypocrisy". i think im going to try and follow it, because life is really too short to waste if you think about it..
well im going to go to bed. its gonna be hard to sleep. the past few nights ive been taking soma, but tonight im on my own. bowling in the morning, and then bonnie, and then public speaking. then work. I HATE THAT GOD FORSAKEN PLACE. im gonna be a bartender at the bees when im 18. =) speaking of, the countdown is 11 days till my 18th birthday, and 8 days until our 6 month. :o* i love my baby so much. shes my bandaid. <333 goodnight everyone.
almost 6 months, and i still haev a crush on you. ;)
i love you babygirl. i cant say it enough. <3 -3.21.04-