(no subject)
i've regained that feeling i thought i had lost, and i'm going to admit that it was dancing in the house to deerhunter or peeking my head out of the car window to giggle. and horrible remixes.
i don't want to write about giving up, or pulling away, because i don't have it in me any more to be negative. but it feels good to shoulder making plans, and simply tell someone i'm kinda just wanting to sleep, and ending a monotonous, unfulfilling friendship. save for those moments when i want to drive until the sun chases me, and be anywhere but here. especially now: i want to dance and drink energy drinks. i miss aaron really bad right now, i think because of that. ummm?
better than most anything, i can drum up quite the fantasized reality, especially ones i want to live in for a little bit. imagining Someone's here when i pull that bottle of wine off the rack on the wall and sit on my front porch and we share a pack of cigarettes. the rest isn't planned: let's get lost. setting suns and rising suns.
i want to make really huge things, and i want to talk and respond with "i know right!" and take stupid pictures on 35mm film.
i'm not going to have expectations though, and i'm not going to wallow in what i want versus what i will probably attain. it's still a wonder that at 6:30pm it's still pretty much daylight out, though, and so it's hard to not sit around and think about what could happen.
the fuck is this about anyhow? i've been in a write-it-down-but-erase-a-few-hours-later habit as of late, so how long do i give myself this entry to last? haha
i don't want to write about giving up, or pulling away, because i don't have it in me any more to be negative. but it feels good to shoulder making plans, and simply tell someone i'm kinda just wanting to sleep, and ending a monotonous, unfulfilling friendship. save for those moments when i want to drive until the sun chases me, and be anywhere but here. especially now: i want to dance and drink energy drinks. i miss aaron really bad right now, i think because of that. ummm?
better than most anything, i can drum up quite the fantasized reality, especially ones i want to live in for a little bit. imagining Someone's here when i pull that bottle of wine off the rack on the wall and sit on my front porch and we share a pack of cigarettes. the rest isn't planned: let's get lost. setting suns and rising suns.
i want to make really huge things, and i want to talk and respond with "i know right!" and take stupid pictures on 35mm film.
i'm not going to have expectations though, and i'm not going to wallow in what i want versus what i will probably attain. it's still a wonder that at 6:30pm it's still pretty much daylight out, though, and so it's hard to not sit around and think about what could happen.
the fuck is this about anyhow? i've been in a write-it-down-but-erase-a-few-hours-later habit as of late, so how long do i give myself this entry to last? haha