If I Do It, I Maybe Dissapointed - If I Don't Do It, I May Regret It!
So this is what it feels like to sit here with a bottle of wine, get drunk & read though my journal. Gosh. I never imagined this day would come! I had a fight with Felipe on the phone, called him back, said sorry, still had the shits, im over them now. I attempted to call Paul though. Thank God he didnt answer! I only wanted to call and see how everything was going with him. Nothing Major. I've just finished the bottle...ehheh it was nice. It was the one that Matteh gave me for hookin him up with the cruise. Thats so nice.
I think im gunna do this whole "go to america trip". My nickname on MSN at the moment is my subject for this post...it makes sense. I would much prefer to be dissapointed by being let down when staying with people (if my accommodation falls through), or not being able to find Justin as opposed to never ever having the chance to trip over there by myself again & Regret it. I can always get over a disapointment....I will regret it for the rest of my life if i dont go! I cant have that! I WILL FIND U JUSTIN! IM NOT GOING TO LANCASTER AND NOT FINDING U! I HAVE TO FIND U! U KNOW THAT! (Even though u dont quite know im coming yet) I WILL STILL FIND U! hehehe
Im sick of being miserable & fighting with people all the time. It seems constant. Its not me! Its SO not me! Im a happy person in general. I dont understand. Is it so hard to be happy? Once all the shit is dealt with, then I will be fine! I dont have shit with Aydrian....why do i have shit with everyone else! I dont know. I cant figure it out.
Im gunna speak to Dawn on Monday morning again about my trip - see what she says - then i'll decide whether or not to go to the states by myself!
Ok headache is kickin in more now - must sleep! I will be happy soon!!!! xoox M
I think im gunna do this whole "go to america trip". My nickname on MSN at the moment is my subject for this post...it makes sense. I would much prefer to be dissapointed by being let down when staying with people (if my accommodation falls through), or not being able to find Justin as opposed to never ever having the chance to trip over there by myself again & Regret it. I can always get over a disapointment....I will regret it for the rest of my life if i dont go! I cant have that! I WILL FIND U JUSTIN! IM NOT GOING TO LANCASTER AND NOT FINDING U! I HAVE TO FIND U! U KNOW THAT! (Even though u dont quite know im coming yet) I WILL STILL FIND U! hehehe
Im sick of being miserable & fighting with people all the time. It seems constant. Its not me! Its SO not me! Im a happy person in general. I dont understand. Is it so hard to be happy? Once all the shit is dealt with, then I will be fine! I dont have shit with Aydrian....why do i have shit with everyone else! I dont know. I cant figure it out.
Im gunna speak to Dawn on Monday morning again about my trip - see what she says - then i'll decide whether or not to go to the states by myself!
Ok headache is kickin in more now - must sleep! I will be happy soon!!!! xoox M