(no subject)
Hey,
Not much is happening here. Im doin ok. Im listening to a Rihanna song on repeat at the moment. It is really making me think. Strange hey.
Im speaking to Chrissy at the moment. She is in Turkey. Im so proud of her, and so happy for her. She saved and saved for ages just so she could do this!!! Im so impressed! - Ok shes gone now.
Im so envious of her. She was so determined to take off and go and see this guy in Europe that she met over here...even though he has a gf now, she didnt let that stop her, she put in many additions on her trip. She went to Greece, she is now in Turkey. Was living in Leeds. It kinda makes me feel down because thats what I was meant to be doing. But i cant because my life is different I guess. I think its because i kinda think im afraid. I think im afraid in a way that I will be leaving behind responsibilities here..eg. Work! That shouldnt be an issue. I think im also afraid that i wouldnt be able to please everyone. Felipe was talking to me about that the other day, and hes completely right. He said that I have an issue trying to keep everyone happy. I dont know why I do that. I should be trying to keep me happy. I think thats why i have had a really bad headache today & the sniffles. I think i have been caring too much about everyone else & not having time to look after or care about me. Maybe its right, Maybe its wrong. But i just get the feeling that it will just cause problems between me and other people if i dont do what is needed to keep everyone happy. Whatever! I dont know anymore. ALl i know is that i am so jealous of Chrissy right now because taking off and travelling is something I have wanted to do my whole life. If its not Aydrian holding me back its work, if its not work its money, if its not money its the need to keep everyone happy. Actually Its not Aydrian, I told him a few months ago that I wanted to head to the states in December to go visit Justin for his Birthday - he was kool with that. Maybe it is work...im in my ideal career now, and maybe just scared of leaving....Or maybe there is nothing to blame but me...for holding back!!!
I need to do what I need to do to please me. No need to be scared at all. I am going to go on after this journal entry with the attitude that i need to stop being so concerned and worried about others because it is stressing me out and making me sick. I cant do that.
I used to be the person to say "fuck that" or "fuck them" or "if u dont like me for who i am & what i do, fuck off" thats the way i used to be. I used to be strong & nothing could get me down! GOD WHAT HAPPENED? Thats ok, things will get back to there. *smiles*
A trillion people could say to me what i have just written, and it would mean absolutley nothing. But now that I have realised it...it means something... :D
I read a quote sometime last year....and i dont know why, on gods given earth, i didnt remember it...i used to have it at my computer at work, and i used to think of it everytime before i decided whether to get the shits or not....."Every minute im angry/sad is a minute of happiness I'll never get back!" *huge smiles*
Goodnight and Adios Romeo's & Juliettes!!!!
Not much is happening here. Im doin ok. Im listening to a Rihanna song on repeat at the moment. It is really making me think. Strange hey.
Im speaking to Chrissy at the moment. She is in Turkey. Im so proud of her, and so happy for her. She saved and saved for ages just so she could do this!!! Im so impressed! - Ok shes gone now.
Im so envious of her. She was so determined to take off and go and see this guy in Europe that she met over here...even though he has a gf now, she didnt let that stop her, she put in many additions on her trip. She went to Greece, she is now in Turkey. Was living in Leeds. It kinda makes me feel down because thats what I was meant to be doing. But i cant because my life is different I guess. I think its because i kinda think im afraid. I think im afraid in a way that I will be leaving behind responsibilities here..eg. Work! That shouldnt be an issue. I think im also afraid that i wouldnt be able to please everyone. Felipe was talking to me about that the other day, and hes completely right. He said that I have an issue trying to keep everyone happy. I dont know why I do that. I should be trying to keep me happy. I think thats why i have had a really bad headache today & the sniffles. I think i have been caring too much about everyone else & not having time to look after or care about me. Maybe its right, Maybe its wrong. But i just get the feeling that it will just cause problems between me and other people if i dont do what is needed to keep everyone happy. Whatever! I dont know anymore. ALl i know is that i am so jealous of Chrissy right now because taking off and travelling is something I have wanted to do my whole life. If its not Aydrian holding me back its work, if its not work its money, if its not money its the need to keep everyone happy. Actually Its not Aydrian, I told him a few months ago that I wanted to head to the states in December to go visit Justin for his Birthday - he was kool with that. Maybe it is work...im in my ideal career now, and maybe just scared of leaving....Or maybe there is nothing to blame but me...for holding back!!!
I need to do what I need to do to please me. No need to be scared at all. I am going to go on after this journal entry with the attitude that i need to stop being so concerned and worried about others because it is stressing me out and making me sick. I cant do that.
I used to be the person to say "fuck that" or "fuck them" or "if u dont like me for who i am & what i do, fuck off" thats the way i used to be. I used to be strong & nothing could get me down! GOD WHAT HAPPENED? Thats ok, things will get back to there. *smiles*
A trillion people could say to me what i have just written, and it would mean absolutley nothing. But now that I have realised it...it means something... :D
I read a quote sometime last year....and i dont know why, on gods given earth, i didnt remember it...i used to have it at my computer at work, and i used to think of it everytime before i decided whether to get the shits or not....."Every minute im angry/sad is a minute of happiness I'll never get back!" *huge smiles*
Goodnight and Adios Romeo's & Juliettes!!!!