(no subject)
I was just going to put this as a private entry, or write it down somewhere to vent.. but fuck it, it's what I'm feeling and thats why I have an LJ account... to complain about my life.
Holy shit I am such a fucking loser. I break up with my boyfriend, thinking that when I come down to Miami, my days will be filled to the brim with working out, drinking with friends, casual lunches and fun nights... Well fuck that noise. It is Saturday night... and I am here... I am ALONE.. well, scratch that, I'm not alone... I'm with my aunt and I'm about to down a bottle of White Zinfandel with her. When the fuck did I become like this... by this, I mean, yet again, a loser? It's like, if I'm not with a guy, I am miserable and lonely. When I get with a guy, I drop from existence and cut off all my friends. Then, when we break up (which is always bound to happen apparently, because I'll never be in a relationship where mutual love and respect is involved.. but that's a whole other entry.. so whatev trev...) I expect those same people I dismissed to be there and take me out and invite me here to do this and that so I can forget about my shit life. I am here in Miami, not working, little to no friends... and as stated, I am alone. I try to make plans but people are too busy with their real lives.. and I completely get that, I do... I'm an intruder. I don't know what to do anymore...
I just want to get the fuck out of here...and by here.. I mean my life, my skin, my misery.
Okay... I'm done.. and no, I'm not drunk... yet.
Holy shit I am such a fucking loser. I break up with my boyfriend, thinking that when I come down to Miami, my days will be filled to the brim with working out, drinking with friends, casual lunches and fun nights... Well fuck that noise. It is Saturday night... and I am here... I am ALONE.. well, scratch that, I'm not alone... I'm with my aunt and I'm about to down a bottle of White Zinfandel with her. When the fuck did I become like this... by this, I mean, yet again, a loser? It's like, if I'm not with a guy, I am miserable and lonely. When I get with a guy, I drop from existence and cut off all my friends. Then, when we break up (which is always bound to happen apparently, because I'll never be in a relationship where mutual love and respect is involved.. but that's a whole other entry.. so whatev trev...) I expect those same people I dismissed to be there and take me out and invite me here to do this and that so I can forget about my shit life. I am here in Miami, not working, little to no friends... and as stated, I am alone. I try to make plans but people are too busy with their real lives.. and I completely get that, I do... I'm an intruder. I don't know what to do anymore...
I just want to get the fuck out of here...and by here.. I mean my life, my skin, my misery.
Okay... I'm done.. and no, I'm not drunk... yet.