i ripped a hole in my pants
today was so weird, we had philosophy class outside... snow was next to me, but it was so flippin hot, then my teacher complimented me on my work. yes, he did. this is the same philosophy class that i miss every once in ahwile and the work was all things i just though after missing two weeks of class and really making stuff up. on to home i played video games and then went to tag. i had every intention of pulling jack aside and having "a talk" tonight, but at the leaders meeting brent talked about how we first need to look inside of ourselves before we can confront others about things. so i began searching. i was walking around _tag and thats all i could think about. what in me is wrong... i thought of a few things, but i also need to hear from others... after two songs of worship i went to go pee, in the bathroom i saw travis, who isnt a christian, and he said he was depressed and so we sat down and began to talk. this then turned into a debate about different world issues such as the war in iraq and abortion and slavery, yeah. eventually we moved upstairs, on our way i see jack and rajeev walk out... hmm this lasted until the end of the service, and afterward i was tired, physically, spiritually and emotionally. all i wanted to do afterward was hang out. don and liberty kids were going to ihop, and the boys and girls were going to wendys. i really only wanted to hang out with one person, but i'll get to that later. so people ask if i can help tear down speakers and i said if i found 6 people to take my spot if i could get out of it. after searching for 6 people i decided to go find out what everyone was doing. i ask dee where rajeev and jack had gone "maggie moos", it's funny how the name of an ice cream place can evoke such emotion... i still cant think of a word to describe my feelings from last week. rajeev josh elijah and i had all planned on going to marble slab after the service, rajeev went to invite more people and as we went to leave the plan changed to red robin. crap. one of the only reasons i had wanted to go was to talk with elijah and he couldnt go all the way up to red robin... grr, fne i'll go, as i fly down powers i see rajeev turning at a familiar spot, to go to jacks house. wha?! he calls and says that we're going to jacks hose and not red robin... well considering at the time jack and i hadnt talked for a month or so, i didnt really want to go... everyone drops by king soopers to get food and i walk up to jaimie, jacks roomate to see whats happening. (i really just wanted jaime to invite me so i wouldnt feel awkward just showing up, but he didnt) i drop by anyway and things go fine... anyway, back to tongiht.. dee's parents were in denver or something and things were being weird so i went to go find her. i cant. then i look outside to see her rajeev and others walking to cars. i make a loud grunt and she turns and says bye chris. i cant make a sound, i dont know why... i duck back inside and look for a friendly face, i see a few, i talk with a few, i hug a few. as i leave i feel sad, no dee...i got to ihop and the group of libertah is split into two, i spend my time inbetween the two and meet some cool kids, one from satellite beach... so... why all the emotion tonight. i was extremly fired up talking to travis, and finding out that rajeev and jack went for ice cream touched something inside me. its weird, i can in know way question them, i dont know whats going on, but they are both leaders at tag, they have a commitment to be their and help out, i dunno, and going for ice cream just was like ugh. i can easily say i was actually pissed off about what happened last week, but i kept it inside. i dont think i'm mad about this its just weird... and then with dee leaving, i totally would have hung out with dee and any combo of others than with any combo of people and no dee. but i had no defense. i think this weekend im going to take a break from people, yeah, no talking for me...