Dec 16, 2008 23:14
Because I'm leavin' on a jet plane in about 6 hours, which means less than four hours of sleep, which might as well be about six minutes.
Because of anticipation of not enough sleep, crabby me, crowded airport, senseless bureaucracy, lines of staggering fools, badly packed bags and forgotten items.
Because the last several days have been a whoosh of last-minute errands, cleaning, finals, bill-paying, work argle-bargle, dental appointments, and general junk health.
Because of the dread of cold, and no-indoor-cigarettes for the next two weeks.
Because of unaddressed tensions, inevitable family misunderstandings, worn nerves, and disrupted routine to the point of insanity.
It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas, that's for damned sure.
OK now positive thinking:
- done all this before; it'll go like clockwork; catch up on sleep tomorrow; cozy family moments; being taken care of; sleeping late and no work; mischievous niece-uncle giggles; freedom from want; all the liquor I can drink; consistent internet access; only seeing relatives I love; reunion with old mates; clean sheets; plenty of accoutrements; did i mention liquor.
Honestly I love my family. I'm lucky beyond words that they're as wonderful, loving and supportive as they are, and most importantly I can be utterly, entirely myself with them and there's no judgment, no criticism, and no nagging. Mostly we get along splendidly and when we don't, it's only as bad as it ever is with anyone I spend too much time with all at once. It's rarely personal.
By this time tomorrow, all the crappy stuff (well, most of it) will be behind me, and the rest of the time I can just enjoy. My goal is the same as always: stay present, stay appreciative, stay me.
the night before,
calm blue ocean,
holding on,
anticipation