This is my story..
The night was July 19th, 2000.. at 3:30:24 AM. Things in DarkCastle were as usual, busy and conversive. We were all havin' a good time. with our immature stupidity.. and it was about time for me to go to bed. But before I did, as I usually like to see what people look like.. I asked a new-comer from DarkCastle, introduced to us by my best friend Seth.. for her picture.
Kefka> ok, night kids
Kefka> dont tease the octopus
Kefka> or he will kick ur ass
AXIX hugs vroom 100 times so shell see it
Crimsonpyre strokes the suction cup
Kefka> *ink*
Crimsonpyre> Thanks aero
Kefka> mmm!! seafood soup!
Kefka> *tenticle*
Crimsonpyre> o fuk
Crimsonpyre> Aaaahh slurpee everywhere!
Kefka> carly, u got any pics?
Crimsonpyre> Yes.
Kefka> ill trade ya
Crimsonpyre> You really dun wanna see what I look like!
Kefka> likeiwse
Kefka> now send
Crimsonpyre> BS. Send me yours.
Kefka> ok
Kefka> here, have the whole damned photo album
Crimsonpyre> Woooooo
^Ryan^Christ> hey carly i'll trade you pics
Kefka> 15 pics in it
AXIX> hey KARLEIGH
AXIX> i feel like your from talkcity!@
AXIX looks at pj and noel
Kefka> suck my balls
Upon exchanging pictures, we conversed in private message.. commented on eachothers looks, both of us were most impressed and attracted. We then spent the next 10 hours getting to know eachother, accumulating information both general and personal. We realized we had a lot in common, dispite a few skin deep differences...
Kefka> OMG
Crimsonpyre> Catch me on a good day and I just might be ;)
Kefka> ull hate me
Crimsonpyre> Why?
Kefka> i smell like peaches.. its the shampoo i use
Kefka> im on a diet and i fuckin eat icecream all the time
Kefka> and im getting my license on thrussday
Kefka> and im 17
Crimsonpyre> I'm 17 and I don't have my learners. That was a joke on myself. And with the food thing..
Crimsonpyre> Oh well.Only live once! *woot*
Young and stupid, I overlooked the path that my heart was trying to guide me in.. I was currently in a relationship in real life, but for some reason this girl made me feel good.. I was interested in her after finding out about some of her personal life, her lifestyle.. I felt almost immediately that she was the one for me...
Crimsonpyre> All he diagnosed me with was Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Crimsonpyre> but he said that he was worried about me and wanted to ask further questions
Crimsonpyre> our "session" was over, but he said I carried high signs of depression that isn't "considered normal"
Crimsonpyre> I didn't go back
Crimsonpyre> I don't need to pay no fucking doctor to tell me how fucked up I am
Crimsonpyre> to tell me that crying 5 times a day isn't normal.. itisn't the "teenage blues"
Crimsonpyre> That staying up until 7am isn't normal.
Crimsonpyre> until finally getting some sleep.
Nonetheless, I tried my hardest to put my romantic feelings towards her away, when I discovered that she had once been romantic with my best friend, Seth. They had broken up a year or so ago, and she was regretting losing him.. so I did the best that I could to possibly bring these two back together...
Kefka> would you honestly be happier if you and seth were together?
Kefka> you probably ask that yourself
Crimsonpyre> I do ask...
Kefka> hell
Kefka> id pay for his fuckin tickets to go see you
Crimsonpyre> i have a hard time getting passed the "will he go out with me again?" aspect...
Kefka> he will
This perhaps was a great mistake on my part - putting away my real feelings, sacraficing my happiness for someone I *really* didn't know that well. I was there for her as much as I could be, sacraficing my own happiness, sleep.. and almost a friendship with Seth.
I took matters into my own hand, I paniced and went to Seth, telling him about Carly and how she felt.. and told him I felt that he should give her another chance. He seemed fishy about the idea..
I took this too far, when a friend of Seth's came in one day, looking for him. She was female, and quite interested in him.. I didn't realise at the time that the feelings were mutual. I told her off, told her that he was interested in someone else right now.. and ultimately drove her out of the chat channel. I smiled, thinking I did the right thing...
Galapogos> seth....... aahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Galapogos> :p
Kefka> shut up about him
Kefka> holy fuck
Galapogos> lol
Kefka> its not funny
Galapogos> ahh ,,..
Kefka> back the fuck off
Kefka> im fucking serious
Galapogos> he so hotttttt
Galapogos> do you like him to?
Galapogos> aww. how cute.
Kefka> im his best friend
Kefka> and right now hes going through alot of shit
Galapogos> Ohh, I'm so sorry.
Kefka> that doesnt deal with you
Galapogos> .......................
Galapogos> why?...
Kefka> because he is
Galapogos> why do you seem so striking to me....
Galapogos> did I do you harm?
Kefka> because im protective
I proudly went to Seth about this, thinking he would cheer me on.. it seems I lacked knowledge about him in that area.. instead I cut a rope on an already fragile friendship, perhaps severing it for a long while.
Eventually, though, he did get back with her for a week at most.. and then he decided that he didn't want to be with Crimsonpyre (Carly) and that I stop calling the cards in his life, and let him deal his own. However, this didn't mean he was over Carly yet from the large past they had.
I felt drained, defeated.. and after telling Carly the bad news, decided to let myself go.. and told her how I felt about her, disregarding my best friend's feelings yet again...
Kefka> i have.. good news
Crimsonpyre> good news?
Kefka> and bad news
Kefka> call me
Kefka> please
Crimsonpyre> I can't
Crimsonpyre> Tell me here?
Kefka> ok
Crimsonpyre> Please?
Kefka> pick, good or bad
Crimsonpyre> bad
Kefka> I sprained my thumb, punctured it and its bleeding. i fell down the stairs
Kefka> good news
Kefka> I broke up with Kat.. she's cool with it.
Crimsonpyre> Fuck :(
Kefka> <---- is now officially yours
Crimsonpyre> How do you feel?
Kefka> i feel like
Kefka> im going to have a great life.
Kefka> with you.
Crimsonpyre smiles softly
Kefka hugs you tightly
So, it was official. I was stupidly blinded by what really mattered. The hard part was keeping this news from the public, mainly Seth who I knew wouldn't have a gentle repercussion to it all. He didn't.. and we spent a long long time at war with eachother.. until it finally ended...
Azrael> I admit, I may have over reacted.
Azrael> For now that the dust as settled, I see things were not entirely handled with the up most maturity.
* Kefka nods, and moves a lone pawn on the right, up 2 "I can see this going 3 ways. 1, you will obtain your own g/f, and this will die quickly.. your grudge. 2, our friendship breaks off. and 3, we let time take its course, let the wheel weave and spin its web."
Kefka> Personally, I like option 1 the best. As it seems to be the most common solution to everyone's problems
Azrael> ... For now, option 3 seems the best.
Azrael> Only when a find a Girlfriend
Azrael> Can option one even take place.
Kefka> Agreed.
Azrael> ... *sighs, perhaps for the first time since they spoke*... Even now, I am sceptical of that even happening.
Kefka> Mind you, I did not date Carly for the sheer joy of knowing it would piss you off. I knew it would, in the beginning.. but I took the risk because I needed to be happy, for once. Too many times have i looked out for others.. I saught a chance for myself.
Kefka> I doubt it
Kefka> It will
Azrael> ... Doubt what you will, old friend.
Kefka> It pains me to see another person in the title of best man walking down the isle with me, unless it is you. It pains me to see years of memories, which can be looked back on and smiled upon.. turned into to sad memories, and threatened because of 1 girl.
One thing Seth told me was that if she ever hurt me, he would not be there for me, because I took it in my own interest to be with her. He even warned me of the things she put him through.. but I was happy, ignored it all.
Christmas was quickly drawing near, and I was baffled by the news that my mew love had given me...
Crimsonpyre> my mom managed to tell me that she got my call on the answering machine about the requested plane ticket
Kefka> which ticket?
Kefka> the one u snagged today online?
Crimsonpyre> 17th-5th
Crimsonpyre> And I think she's going to get it...
Kefka> sweet
Crimsonpyre> jsut to see my happiness
Kefka smiles
Kefka> well, she's insuring 2 ppls happiness
Kefka> 2 birds with 1 ticket!
Kefka snorts and shuts up
She was coming to see me for Christmas and New Years. I was so excited, happy................... and stupid.
The night that she was arriving at my house, I was so nervous.. I was scared and shy. I never fell in love before, I've never been loved before.. this was all new to me. To make my nervousness worse, my mom called me from her cell phone while she picked Carly up from her relatives house (where she stayed before she came to my house) saying that Carly didn't show up. Then she gave the phone to Carly, and she told me to look outside.. to my avail, she was outside in the car. I didn't even know what to say.. but I quickly hung up and went downstairs to collect myself.
The first time I saw her.. was in my kitchen, where I brought her bags to what would be her room for the stay. My mom forced us to hug, in hopes to break the shy tension I had.
I felt uncomfortable with people around, sO i lead her downstairs and into my room.. showed her around, and then we stood face to face. She could barely keep her eyes on mine.. looking away every second, nervous and shy just like me. And then, it happened.. our lips met, and I felt like I was in Elysium. It was incredible, as was the hug that followed afterwards which lasted for what seemed to be.. long.
We spent all our time together, never letting the other out of our sight. Making love became regular, as it was very beautiful.. we went out a lot, I introduced her to my friends. She seemed to get along with my sister really well. Everything seemed perfect, especially on Christmas day when someone I loved was right there beside me - something I dreamed of having.
In all good, some bad must come too. We faught a few times, over stupid things.. I really forget what happened, but we hurt eachothers feelings once or twice, both ended up crying. There was one point where she called her mom, which made me feel as if I was doing something severely wrong..
Regardless of these unfortunate occurances, things were otherwise perfect.
The day came where she had to catch her plane home.. I can't say how painful that was. She took a plane-cab to the airport, after we said our goodbyes. We both cried, her staring out at me from the cabs window.. me looking out waving to her from my front door. I felt for sure I made a bad impression, that I would lose her..
Not more than an hour after she left, my mom came home.. and began to tell me how much she disliked Carly, with very little evidence of justifying her hatred.
this tore me apart...
Kefka> You will not believe the shit my mom said after u left
Kefka> my god carly
Kefka> I almost ran away
Crimsonpyre> uh oh...
Crimsonpyre> What did she say..
Kefka> Stuff that i didnt understand
Kefka> I'll let you know when we talk on the phone
Crimsonpyre sighs
Crimsonpyre> I'm sorry.
Kefka> I nearly threw up i was crying so hard
Crimsonpyre> Jesus...
Crimsonpyre> Just tell me what she said here because she won't get off the phone.
Kefka> well
Kefka> supposedly you left a mess in the house or something
Kefka> like
Kefka> towels or some shit
Crimsonpyre> ?
Kefka> on your bed
Kefka> and plates
Kefka> stuff that my mom has no proof you did
Crimsonpyre frowns
Kefka> because i always leave towles and shit laying around
Crimsonpyre> plates?
Kefka> so shes mad cuz u didnt clean it up
Crimsonpyre> I'm sorry...
Crimsonpyre> .. I didn't mean it.. cleaning just wasn't on my mind and I didnt think I left a mess but if I did..
Kefka> she called u lazy, and immature because of it
Crimsonpyre> now your mom hates me... great...
Kefka> and to top it off
Kefka> I quote
Kefka> "Im glad she's gone"
I felt like the distance and my mom's hatred towards her would for sure tear us apart.. but it didn't. We stuck together, stayed strong. However.. a lot of fights were soon to come our way.
We became somewhat bored some nights, not sure what to talk about.. so she introduced me to EverQuest, an online game that she had in the past, been addicted to. I told her no for awhile, because I wasn't interested in it and couldn't afford it.
pyre`brb`10minOrSo> I thought you were gunno by EQ?
Kefka> i will when im not so worried about money
But as I became more and more bored, I decided to go out and get it. When I told her I had it, she warned against it because she felt I too would become addicted. I assured her that I wouldn't. But, I did.. not badly, but I did. I was on it a lot, enjoyed the freedom of a 3d environment, the interaction with new people. I loved it, but never for once neglected her. Our fights revolved around this game, small petty avoidable arguements. It happened nearly every day, usually ending both of our conversations in tears. I was just as guilty as she. Things were for sure looking downhill..
I told her I felt like we should get together again, save a dying relationship by renewing it face to face.. reminding the both of us why we were so much in love and purify the anger.
So, I got a 1 way plane ticket to Alberta for my birthday to see her.. hoping it would make everything better...
Pyre{AFK}> everything will get better in the summer, ok?
Kefka> i know babe..
* Kefka kisses back gently..
Pyre{AFK}> :) I love you..
Kefka> I love you.
1 way you ask..? We planned on her to move back with me.. take a care home together in time for my mom's wedding...
Kefka> i want you to move here
Kefka> and its killing me thinking about you NOT
Crimsonpyre> I am..
Kefka> no, like, in the summer
Crimsonpyre> I am baby
The day came where I went to visit her. I got on the plane, confident that everything was going to be alright. When I got off the plane, it took a few minutes for her and her brother, and his girlfriend to find me. When they did, I didnt waste any time and gave Carly a big hug. She smiled, and we then went and threw my bags in the car and drove off to her appartment.
I got aquainted with her brother and his girlfriend pretty quick. They were nice people, and I felt comfortable around them.
A few days before I got there, Carly had taken a birth control needle that would prevent her from getting pregnant for 3 months, but the side effects were unknown.
The first 2 weeks that I was there, everything seemed to be perfect. We did a lot together.. one such occasion that will stand out in my heart always will be our trip to Jasper, a small tourist attracted-town up in the mountains. Was a 2 hour drive, but it was very scenic and memorable. We stopped a few times, enjoying the scenery.. we even saw a deer on the side of the road, something you won't see here in Ontario.
The adventure itself in Jasper was interesting. The city was filled with tourism shops with lots of momentos, so I enjoyed my time here with her. Before we drove back, she wanted to show me the place where her graduation took place. I was more than happy to see it, but before we got out of the car.. I felt extremely sick. I felt if I stood up I was going to vomit. So I told her I didn't want to get up, I wasn't feeling well. This insulted her, and rightfully so.. but I really didn't feel good at all.
So, the entire trip home.. she gave me the cold shoulder, she didn't talk to me.. didn't reach to my squeezing her on the leg affectionately.
So we got home, and she seemed to have changed.. she was more and more becoming less affectionate, sweet.. when we went to the mall, she would walk ahead of me instead of beside me holding my hand. She wouldn't kiss me, hug me.. and spent all of her time on her computer playing EverQuest while I watched TV in the living room and cried.
From that day forward, crying became a habit.
The next day, she decided she wanted to go see her Dad, and her dog Rexy.. whom was at the time becomming ill with heart break.
So we went. He lived in a beautiful house, surrounded by fields and animals. She introduced me to Rexy, and her horses. All in all, I got to know her childhood more.
We then went into the house to relax, she was a little nervous about telling her dad who I was.. so we decided to keep it a secret and she told him I was a friend from school.
She became even more distant at this point.. at one time she refused to sit next to me on the same couch, using the excuse that she was afraid of what her dad would think.. but I really knew that she was upset with me in some way.
I felt torn away from this girl, the sex stopped, the cuddling stopped, everything stopped.. and it seemed like the only one of us both it was killing was me.
When we got back to her real home, I took a walk with Amanda, Carly's brother's girlfriend. She seemed to think that Carly was acting this way due to the birth control needle because Amanda was once on it too. Assured that that was the problem, I went inside and went to bed (you guessed it.. she didn't sleep close to me at all).
The next 2 days would be ones that will have left a scar on my soul, my heart.. my mind.
She approached me after one of our small fights, and told me she no longer wanted to move in with me because she would miss her family and friends. I told her I understood, and she started to cry. I went to wrap my arms around her, and she to my surprise, shoved me away. She was fed up with the fighting, and I felt horrible.. She didn't want anything to do with me.. so for the rest of the day I sat watching TV yet again and cried until it was time to sleep..
The next day, I was getting a little angry that she was always on the computer playing EverQuest. I went into her room and asked nicely, if we could spend a little bit of time together before I went home. She gave me the most evil glare one could think of.. and said "Fine, let me shower and we can go to the mall".
So, she sat her EQ character down in a zone where people sell things, and went into the shower. I went into her room, sat down at the computer and looked to see if anyone was selling something that maybe my character could use. So I scrolled up, looked around.. and what I saw scared the hell out of me. A guy going by the name of Wynter was sending her sexual tells, saying he wanted to go into the shower with her, wash her body, etc. I figured she would have told him to back off.. but, upon further inspection.. she didn't.
She told him she wanted it too, she giggled, agreed with it. I felt like a nuclear bomb had just blew my heart out of existance, and I immediately fell to the ground and cried profusely.
When she came out of the shower, she asked me in a very uncaring tone, why I was crying.. I managed to squeek out "how could you do this to me.." and she played stupid, as if I didn't know what was going on. After I told her what I saw, she claimed that he was just a friend and that it was harmless. I didn't move, I didn't say anything.. I just layed there crying, until finally she got up and left.. but before she left the room.. she said something to me that will always be stuck in my head.. "Noel, he filled a place in my heart that you never did.."
I got up and without her knowing, I left the appartment and took refuge alone under a tree outfront near the parking lot, where I sat and contemplated my current situation, my life.. everything. Things looked grim, the cup was half empty, and time was growing short for my sanity.
The night before this happened, a small car accident occured right where I was sitting. Sprawling all over the road were shards of glass. I was alone, I felt cheated on.. betrayed. I had no way home.. I was in the middle of Alberta, 1800 miles from home.. with no one to go to. I picked up a shard of glass, lifted up my white sweater sleeve.. and began to cut at the soft flesh on my wrist. It hurt, but anything was better than the emotional and mental pain I was suffering. So I cut deep, unfortunately not deep enough. It hurt too much, and I stopped.. but I was bleeding moderately bad.
it was near midnight, and her brother pulled into the parkinglot just after I cut myself. He saw me under the tree, and went inside and told Carly I was out there. She had no idea I even left, go figure.. so she came out, saw me sitting under a tree illuminated by the light of a street lamp.
She asked me why I was out there, said she had no idea I left. I quickly tried to hide my wrists in my white shirt.. but my white shirt was long sleeve.. and well, white. The blood easily seeped through and she saw instantly. She demanded I show her, so I did.. she then began to yell at me, told me to get inside before she locked the doors on me.
I went inside.. cleaned up.. hoped to God to save my sanity, and went to sleep.
The next day, I called my mother. I couldn't speak, I was crying so hard.. so I muffled out that I was coming home early.
Carly's mom got me a ticket home, due to leave for the next day.. this was my last night I would be here. I spent the day alone, curled up by myself on the couch.. completely ignored by the girl I loved.
What happened that night was confusing.. she came out while I was crying, and gave me a hug.. asked me what was wrong. I told her I would miss her.. she was supportive of me, being so nice.. and that night we made love. It wasn't just sex.. it was making love.. it just happened. I felt like everything was going to be okay..
I fell asleep, and the morning came too soon..
Carly drove me to the airport, where we would say our last goodbyes before I went into the passenger waiting room where she wasn't allowed to wait with me. We kissed, she assured me everything was going to be okay.. that she was very sorry and that she loved me.. most of all, she said we would see eachother most likely in December for christmas again.
I got on the plane, happier than I had been for awhile. The plane ride was about 3 hours, and the drive from Hamilton to my house was another 2 hours. So about 5-6 hours after I left, I came home and my phone rang almost instantly. It was Carly.. we talked for a bit, I told her how the ride home was.. and then I said "I felt like I was going to lose you for sure.. I'm glad I'm not." she fell silent.. and I said "I'm not.. am I..?" she didn't reply.. then after a minute, she said.. crying.. "Noel.. I'm sorry.." and hung up. She had just broken up with me.. after filling my heart and soul with hope. She ripped apart any trust I had for anyone, after that day.
I was so depressed, that I stopped eating, stopped going to school except for maybe 1 day of the week. Not even Seth was there for me, as he said he wouldn't be.. I had no one.
An aquaintance of mine who was playing EQ and knew her, was in one of my computer classes. He was on a message board by one of the guilds on Everquest. He showed me a post made by Wynter, the guy who tore Carly from me. He was declaring a wedding between him and her.. before I vomited infront of everyone I ran out of the class into the washroom, followed by going home..
I felt alone, I felt dead.
I don't know what else to say.. but this event has changed my life, has fucked me up in so many ways.. I am afraid to trust anyone..
God, help me..
Kefka> ok, night kids
Kefka> dont tease the octopus
Kefka> or he will kick ur ass
AXIX hugs vroom 100 times so shell see it
Crimsonpyre strokes the suction cup
Kefka> *ink*
Crimsonpyre> Thanks aero
Kefka> mmm!! seafood soup!
Kefka> *tenticle*
Crimsonpyre> o fuk
Crimsonpyre> Aaaahh slurpee everywhere!
Kefka> carly, u got any pics?
Crimsonpyre> Yes.
Kefka> ill trade ya
Crimsonpyre> You really dun wanna see what I look like!
Kefka> likeiwse
Kefka> now send
Crimsonpyre> BS. Send me yours.
Kefka> ok
Kefka> here, have the whole damned photo album
Crimsonpyre> Woooooo
^Ryan^Christ> hey carly i'll trade you pics
Kefka> 15 pics in it
AXIX> hey KARLEIGH
AXIX> i feel like your from talkcity!@
AXIX looks at pj and noel
Kefka> suck my balls
Upon exchanging pictures, we conversed in private message.. commented on eachothers looks, both of us were most impressed and attracted. We then spent the next 10 hours getting to know eachother, accumulating information both general and personal. We realized we had a lot in common, dispite a few skin deep differences...
Kefka> OMG
Crimsonpyre> Catch me on a good day and I just might be ;)
Kefka> ull hate me
Crimsonpyre> Why?
Kefka> i smell like peaches.. its the shampoo i use
Kefka> im on a diet and i fuckin eat icecream all the time
Kefka> and im getting my license on thrussday
Kefka> and im 17
Crimsonpyre> I'm 17 and I don't have my learners. That was a joke on myself. And with the food thing..
Crimsonpyre> Oh well.Only live once! *woot*
Young and stupid, I overlooked the path that my heart was trying to guide me in.. I was currently in a relationship in real life, but for some reason this girl made me feel good.. I was interested in her after finding out about some of her personal life, her lifestyle.. I felt almost immediately that she was the one for me...
Crimsonpyre> All he diagnosed me with was Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Crimsonpyre> but he said that he was worried about me and wanted to ask further questions
Crimsonpyre> our "session" was over, but he said I carried high signs of depression that isn't "considered normal"
Crimsonpyre> I didn't go back
Crimsonpyre> I don't need to pay no fucking doctor to tell me how fucked up I am
Crimsonpyre> to tell me that crying 5 times a day isn't normal.. itisn't the "teenage blues"
Crimsonpyre> That staying up until 7am isn't normal.
Crimsonpyre> until finally getting some sleep.
Nonetheless, I tried my hardest to put my romantic feelings towards her away, when I discovered that she had once been romantic with my best friend, Seth. They had broken up a year or so ago, and she was regretting losing him.. so I did the best that I could to possibly bring these two back together...
Kefka> would you honestly be happier if you and seth were together?
Kefka> you probably ask that yourself
Crimsonpyre> I do ask...
Kefka> hell
Kefka> id pay for his fuckin tickets to go see you
Crimsonpyre> i have a hard time getting passed the "will he go out with me again?" aspect...
Kefka> he will
This perhaps was a great mistake on my part - putting away my real feelings, sacraficing my happiness for someone I *really* didn't know that well. I was there for her as much as I could be, sacraficing my own happiness, sleep.. and almost a friendship with Seth.
I took matters into my own hand, I paniced and went to Seth, telling him about Carly and how she felt.. and told him I felt that he should give her another chance. He seemed fishy about the idea..
I took this too far, when a friend of Seth's came in one day, looking for him. She was female, and quite interested in him.. I didn't realise at the time that the feelings were mutual. I told her off, told her that he was interested in someone else right now.. and ultimately drove her out of the chat channel. I smiled, thinking I did the right thing...
Galapogos> seth....... aahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Galapogos> :p
Kefka> shut up about him
Kefka> holy fuck
Galapogos> lol
Kefka> its not funny
Galapogos> ahh ,,..
Kefka> back the fuck off
Kefka> im fucking serious
Galapogos> he so hotttttt
Galapogos> do you like him to?
Galapogos> aww. how cute.
Kefka> im his best friend
Kefka> and right now hes going through alot of shit
Galapogos> Ohh, I'm so sorry.
Kefka> that doesnt deal with you
Galapogos> .......................
Galapogos> why?...
Kefka> because he is
Galapogos> why do you seem so striking to me....
Galapogos> did I do you harm?
Kefka> because im protective
I proudly went to Seth about this, thinking he would cheer me on.. it seems I lacked knowledge about him in that area.. instead I cut a rope on an already fragile friendship, perhaps severing it for a long while.
Eventually, though, he did get back with her for a week at most.. and then he decided that he didn't want to be with Crimsonpyre (Carly) and that I stop calling the cards in his life, and let him deal his own. However, this didn't mean he was over Carly yet from the large past they had.
I felt drained, defeated.. and after telling Carly the bad news, decided to let myself go.. and told her how I felt about her, disregarding my best friend's feelings yet again...
Kefka> i have.. good news
Crimsonpyre> good news?
Kefka> and bad news
Kefka> call me
Kefka> please
Crimsonpyre> I can't
Crimsonpyre> Tell me here?
Kefka> ok
Crimsonpyre> Please?
Kefka> pick, good or bad
Crimsonpyre> bad
Kefka> I sprained my thumb, punctured it and its bleeding. i fell down the stairs
Kefka> good news
Kefka> I broke up with Kat.. she's cool with it.
Crimsonpyre> Fuck :(
Kefka> <---- is now officially yours
Crimsonpyre> How do you feel?
Kefka> i feel like
Kefka> im going to have a great life.
Kefka> with you.
Crimsonpyre smiles softly
Kefka hugs you tightly
So, it was official. I was stupidly blinded by what really mattered. The hard part was keeping this news from the public, mainly Seth who I knew wouldn't have a gentle repercussion to it all. He didn't.. and we spent a long long time at war with eachother.. until it finally ended...
Azrael> I admit, I may have over reacted.
Azrael> For now that the dust as settled, I see things were not entirely handled with the up most maturity.
* Kefka nods, and moves a lone pawn on the right, up 2 "I can see this going 3 ways. 1, you will obtain your own g/f, and this will die quickly.. your grudge. 2, our friendship breaks off. and 3, we let time take its course, let the wheel weave and spin its web."
Kefka> Personally, I like option 1 the best. As it seems to be the most common solution to everyone's problems
Azrael> ... For now, option 3 seems the best.
Azrael> Only when a find a Girlfriend
Azrael> Can option one even take place.
Kefka> Agreed.
Azrael> ... *sighs, perhaps for the first time since they spoke*... Even now, I am sceptical of that even happening.
Kefka> Mind you, I did not date Carly for the sheer joy of knowing it would piss you off. I knew it would, in the beginning.. but I took the risk because I needed to be happy, for once. Too many times have i looked out for others.. I saught a chance for myself.
Kefka> I doubt it
Kefka> It will
Azrael> ... Doubt what you will, old friend.
Kefka> It pains me to see another person in the title of best man walking down the isle with me, unless it is you. It pains me to see years of memories, which can be looked back on and smiled upon.. turned into to sad memories, and threatened because of 1 girl.
One thing Seth told me was that if she ever hurt me, he would not be there for me, because I took it in my own interest to be with her. He even warned me of the things she put him through.. but I was happy, ignored it all.
Christmas was quickly drawing near, and I was baffled by the news that my mew love had given me...
Crimsonpyre> my mom managed to tell me that she got my call on the answering machine about the requested plane ticket
Kefka> which ticket?
Kefka> the one u snagged today online?
Crimsonpyre> 17th-5th
Crimsonpyre> And I think she's going to get it...
Kefka> sweet
Crimsonpyre> jsut to see my happiness
Kefka smiles
Kefka> well, she's insuring 2 ppls happiness
Kefka> 2 birds with 1 ticket!
Kefka snorts and shuts up
She was coming to see me for Christmas and New Years. I was so excited, happy................... and stupid.
The night that she was arriving at my house, I was so nervous.. I was scared and shy. I never fell in love before, I've never been loved before.. this was all new to me. To make my nervousness worse, my mom called me from her cell phone while she picked Carly up from her relatives house (where she stayed before she came to my house) saying that Carly didn't show up. Then she gave the phone to Carly, and she told me to look outside.. to my avail, she was outside in the car. I didn't even know what to say.. but I quickly hung up and went downstairs to collect myself.
The first time I saw her.. was in my kitchen, where I brought her bags to what would be her room for the stay. My mom forced us to hug, in hopes to break the shy tension I had.
I felt uncomfortable with people around, sO i lead her downstairs and into my room.. showed her around, and then we stood face to face. She could barely keep her eyes on mine.. looking away every second, nervous and shy just like me. And then, it happened.. our lips met, and I felt like I was in Elysium. It was incredible, as was the hug that followed afterwards which lasted for what seemed to be.. long.
We spent all our time together, never letting the other out of our sight. Making love became regular, as it was very beautiful.. we went out a lot, I introduced her to my friends. She seemed to get along with my sister really well. Everything seemed perfect, especially on Christmas day when someone I loved was right there beside me - something I dreamed of having.
In all good, some bad must come too. We faught a few times, over stupid things.. I really forget what happened, but we hurt eachothers feelings once or twice, both ended up crying. There was one point where she called her mom, which made me feel as if I was doing something severely wrong..
Regardless of these unfortunate occurances, things were otherwise perfect.
The day came where she had to catch her plane home.. I can't say how painful that was. She took a plane-cab to the airport, after we said our goodbyes. We both cried, her staring out at me from the cabs window.. me looking out waving to her from my front door. I felt for sure I made a bad impression, that I would lose her..
Not more than an hour after she left, my mom came home.. and began to tell me how much she disliked Carly, with very little evidence of justifying her hatred.
this tore me apart...
Kefka> You will not believe the shit my mom said after u left
Kefka> my god carly
Kefka> I almost ran away
Crimsonpyre> uh oh...
Crimsonpyre> What did she say..
Kefka> Stuff that i didnt understand
Kefka> I'll let you know when we talk on the phone
Crimsonpyre sighs
Crimsonpyre> I'm sorry.
Kefka> I nearly threw up i was crying so hard
Crimsonpyre> Jesus...
Crimsonpyre> Just tell me what she said here because she won't get off the phone.
Kefka> well
Kefka> supposedly you left a mess in the house or something
Kefka> like
Kefka> towels or some shit
Crimsonpyre> ?
Kefka> on your bed
Kefka> and plates
Kefka> stuff that my mom has no proof you did
Crimsonpyre frowns
Kefka> because i always leave towles and shit laying around
Crimsonpyre> plates?
Kefka> so shes mad cuz u didnt clean it up
Crimsonpyre> I'm sorry...
Crimsonpyre> .. I didn't mean it.. cleaning just wasn't on my mind and I didnt think I left a mess but if I did..
Kefka> she called u lazy, and immature because of it
Crimsonpyre> now your mom hates me... great...
Kefka> and to top it off
Kefka> I quote
Kefka> "Im glad she's gone"
I felt like the distance and my mom's hatred towards her would for sure tear us apart.. but it didn't. We stuck together, stayed strong. However.. a lot of fights were soon to come our way.
We became somewhat bored some nights, not sure what to talk about.. so she introduced me to EverQuest, an online game that she had in the past, been addicted to. I told her no for awhile, because I wasn't interested in it and couldn't afford it.
pyre`brb`10minOrSo> I thought you were gunno by EQ?
Kefka> i will when im not so worried about money
But as I became more and more bored, I decided to go out and get it. When I told her I had it, she warned against it because she felt I too would become addicted. I assured her that I wouldn't. But, I did.. not badly, but I did. I was on it a lot, enjoyed the freedom of a 3d environment, the interaction with new people. I loved it, but never for once neglected her. Our fights revolved around this game, small petty avoidable arguements. It happened nearly every day, usually ending both of our conversations in tears. I was just as guilty as she. Things were for sure looking downhill..
I told her I felt like we should get together again, save a dying relationship by renewing it face to face.. reminding the both of us why we were so much in love and purify the anger.
So, I got a 1 way plane ticket to Alberta for my birthday to see her.. hoping it would make everything better...
Pyre{AFK}> everything will get better in the summer, ok?
Kefka> i know babe..
* Kefka kisses back gently..
Pyre{AFK}> :) I love you..
Kefka> I love you.
1 way you ask..? We planned on her to move back with me.. take a care home together in time for my mom's wedding...
Kefka> i want you to move here
Kefka> and its killing me thinking about you NOT
Crimsonpyre> I am..
Kefka> no, like, in the summer
Crimsonpyre> I am baby
The day came where I went to visit her. I got on the plane, confident that everything was going to be alright. When I got off the plane, it took a few minutes for her and her brother, and his girlfriend to find me. When they did, I didnt waste any time and gave Carly a big hug. She smiled, and we then went and threw my bags in the car and drove off to her appartment.
I got aquainted with her brother and his girlfriend pretty quick. They were nice people, and I felt comfortable around them.
A few days before I got there, Carly had taken a birth control needle that would prevent her from getting pregnant for 3 months, but the side effects were unknown.
The first 2 weeks that I was there, everything seemed to be perfect. We did a lot together.. one such occasion that will stand out in my heart always will be our trip to Jasper, a small tourist attracted-town up in the mountains. Was a 2 hour drive, but it was very scenic and memorable. We stopped a few times, enjoying the scenery.. we even saw a deer on the side of the road, something you won't see here in Ontario.
The adventure itself in Jasper was interesting. The city was filled with tourism shops with lots of momentos, so I enjoyed my time here with her. Before we drove back, she wanted to show me the place where her graduation took place. I was more than happy to see it, but before we got out of the car.. I felt extremely sick. I felt if I stood up I was going to vomit. So I told her I didn't want to get up, I wasn't feeling well. This insulted her, and rightfully so.. but I really didn't feel good at all.
So, the entire trip home.. she gave me the cold shoulder, she didn't talk to me.. didn't reach to my squeezing her on the leg affectionately.
So we got home, and she seemed to have changed.. she was more and more becoming less affectionate, sweet.. when we went to the mall, she would walk ahead of me instead of beside me holding my hand. She wouldn't kiss me, hug me.. and spent all of her time on her computer playing EverQuest while I watched TV in the living room and cried.
From that day forward, crying became a habit.
The next day, she decided she wanted to go see her Dad, and her dog Rexy.. whom was at the time becomming ill with heart break.
So we went. He lived in a beautiful house, surrounded by fields and animals. She introduced me to Rexy, and her horses. All in all, I got to know her childhood more.
We then went into the house to relax, she was a little nervous about telling her dad who I was.. so we decided to keep it a secret and she told him I was a friend from school.
She became even more distant at this point.. at one time she refused to sit next to me on the same couch, using the excuse that she was afraid of what her dad would think.. but I really knew that she was upset with me in some way.
I felt torn away from this girl, the sex stopped, the cuddling stopped, everything stopped.. and it seemed like the only one of us both it was killing was me.
When we got back to her real home, I took a walk with Amanda, Carly's brother's girlfriend. She seemed to think that Carly was acting this way due to the birth control needle because Amanda was once on it too. Assured that that was the problem, I went inside and went to bed (you guessed it.. she didn't sleep close to me at all).
The next 2 days would be ones that will have left a scar on my soul, my heart.. my mind.
She approached me after one of our small fights, and told me she no longer wanted to move in with me because she would miss her family and friends. I told her I understood, and she started to cry. I went to wrap my arms around her, and she to my surprise, shoved me away. She was fed up with the fighting, and I felt horrible.. She didn't want anything to do with me.. so for the rest of the day I sat watching TV yet again and cried until it was time to sleep..
The next day, I was getting a little angry that she was always on the computer playing EverQuest. I went into her room and asked nicely, if we could spend a little bit of time together before I went home. She gave me the most evil glare one could think of.. and said "Fine, let me shower and we can go to the mall".
So, she sat her EQ character down in a zone where people sell things, and went into the shower. I went into her room, sat down at the computer and looked to see if anyone was selling something that maybe my character could use. So I scrolled up, looked around.. and what I saw scared the hell out of me. A guy going by the name of Wynter was sending her sexual tells, saying he wanted to go into the shower with her, wash her body, etc. I figured she would have told him to back off.. but, upon further inspection.. she didn't.
She told him she wanted it too, she giggled, agreed with it. I felt like a nuclear bomb had just blew my heart out of existance, and I immediately fell to the ground and cried profusely.
When she came out of the shower, she asked me in a very uncaring tone, why I was crying.. I managed to squeek out "how could you do this to me.." and she played stupid, as if I didn't know what was going on. After I told her what I saw, she claimed that he was just a friend and that it was harmless. I didn't move, I didn't say anything.. I just layed there crying, until finally she got up and left.. but before she left the room.. she said something to me that will always be stuck in my head.. "Noel, he filled a place in my heart that you never did.."
I got up and without her knowing, I left the appartment and took refuge alone under a tree outfront near the parking lot, where I sat and contemplated my current situation, my life.. everything. Things looked grim, the cup was half empty, and time was growing short for my sanity.
The night before this happened, a small car accident occured right where I was sitting. Sprawling all over the road were shards of glass. I was alone, I felt cheated on.. betrayed. I had no way home.. I was in the middle of Alberta, 1800 miles from home.. with no one to go to. I picked up a shard of glass, lifted up my white sweater sleeve.. and began to cut at the soft flesh on my wrist. It hurt, but anything was better than the emotional and mental pain I was suffering. So I cut deep, unfortunately not deep enough. It hurt too much, and I stopped.. but I was bleeding moderately bad.
it was near midnight, and her brother pulled into the parkinglot just after I cut myself. He saw me under the tree, and went inside and told Carly I was out there. She had no idea I even left, go figure.. so she came out, saw me sitting under a tree illuminated by the light of a street lamp.
She asked me why I was out there, said she had no idea I left. I quickly tried to hide my wrists in my white shirt.. but my white shirt was long sleeve.. and well, white. The blood easily seeped through and she saw instantly. She demanded I show her, so I did.. she then began to yell at me, told me to get inside before she locked the doors on me.
I went inside.. cleaned up.. hoped to God to save my sanity, and went to sleep.
The next day, I called my mother. I couldn't speak, I was crying so hard.. so I muffled out that I was coming home early.
Carly's mom got me a ticket home, due to leave for the next day.. this was my last night I would be here. I spent the day alone, curled up by myself on the couch.. completely ignored by the girl I loved.
What happened that night was confusing.. she came out while I was crying, and gave me a hug.. asked me what was wrong. I told her I would miss her.. she was supportive of me, being so nice.. and that night we made love. It wasn't just sex.. it was making love.. it just happened. I felt like everything was going to be okay..
I fell asleep, and the morning came too soon..
Carly drove me to the airport, where we would say our last goodbyes before I went into the passenger waiting room where she wasn't allowed to wait with me. We kissed, she assured me everything was going to be okay.. that she was very sorry and that she loved me.. most of all, she said we would see eachother most likely in December for christmas again.
I got on the plane, happier than I had been for awhile. The plane ride was about 3 hours, and the drive from Hamilton to my house was another 2 hours. So about 5-6 hours after I left, I came home and my phone rang almost instantly. It was Carly.. we talked for a bit, I told her how the ride home was.. and then I said "I felt like I was going to lose you for sure.. I'm glad I'm not." she fell silent.. and I said "I'm not.. am I..?" she didn't reply.. then after a minute, she said.. crying.. "Noel.. I'm sorry.." and hung up. She had just broken up with me.. after filling my heart and soul with hope. She ripped apart any trust I had for anyone, after that day.
I was so depressed, that I stopped eating, stopped going to school except for maybe 1 day of the week. Not even Seth was there for me, as he said he wouldn't be.. I had no one.
An aquaintance of mine who was playing EQ and knew her, was in one of my computer classes. He was on a message board by one of the guilds on Everquest. He showed me a post made by Wynter, the guy who tore Carly from me. He was declaring a wedding between him and her.. before I vomited infront of everyone I ran out of the class into the washroom, followed by going home..
I felt alone, I felt dead.
I don't know what else to say.. but this event has changed my life, has fucked me up in so many ways.. I am afraid to trust anyone..
God, help me..