Aug 14, 2004 00:46
i have a reacurring problem in that everyday chores like brushing your teeth, getting gas in the car, going to the grocery store, spending time with your friends, eating lunch and dinner drive me absolutely insane
at times like this i think about this book that my mom gave me about your life path and how for me (the 32/5) freedom is the most important thing and that because i can not understand it i dedicate my life to the pursuit of it
there can be freedom in routine and sometimes i think i have it and that i can be okay with that but then i get this melancholia and i hate everything
freedom isn't in some far away city and it isn't in the people i meet and fall in love with.....i know that no matter where i go or who i am with if i don't see that i control my own freedom then i will always be looking for it and i don't want that
i was thinking that films are normally constructed to be this escape from everyday life and an entire year can be hilighted in a matter of seconds with some catchy music and the audience only seeing what the filmaker wanted them to......we don't get to see the in between moments when no action is occuring and no plot is being uncovered it's just people going through the everyday things and it's boring but it's valid boredom and much more relatable
i like the films that show that
it's refreshing and can be the most moving story because there is this universal experience that we all go through and it's not found in epic war films or teen comedies or horror or action films but in the everyday shit that we deal with or run away from
and i have done a lot of running
why does this study abroad program feel so final somehow? after all 4 months goes by pretty quickly...it's only a moment really and yet i am preparing myself to say goodbye somehow and am a bit pissed off at my friends for not taking this more seriously as well......
but then again what do we all have to say to eachother that we haven't already said
i hope this program does change me and i hope that being apart from everything for awhile will give me what i want so maybe that is why i am saying goodbye because i don't want to recognize myself in 4 months (not an easy thing to do) and i want to have a renewed appreciation for everyone and for them to have one for me
its just like the beat girls of the 50's or james dean in rebel without a cause.........there is something that isn't satisfying me
you're tearing me apart