Last night I saw the Devil!
Man, I am such a fucking wreck today, it be ridiculous! Last night I just kept making poor decision after poor decision, and apparently I was hell bent on destroying my body. FUCK.
Thanks to Hillary and Lauren for driving me home before I put a motherfucker's head through a window. I advise highly against drinking a bunch of cough syrup, having a cup of black tea, and then drinking a bunch of beer. Karaoke was fun, but I kept hearing crazy shit, and then I'd think I saw someone that I knew, but it would turn out to be someone else. The highlights were clearly that one flaboyantly homosexual dude who loved Kelly's version of "Hard Day's Night," getting hit on by the same dude in the bathroom while I was waiting to blow my nose (I WAS wearing my Bowie t-shirt), and that one really wasted, really unattractive girl wearing the mini-skirt who kept trying to grind on dudes. That girl, at one point, was grinding on this sort of pudgy dude, and I'm thinking to myself, "Wait a minute, there's something not quite right about this..." And then Ken starts laughing and turns to me and informs me that the pudgy dude is actually a very butch lesbian. This girl in the mini-skirt had no clue that she was getting groped on the dance floor by another chick. Genious.
It just sucks that I'm a fucking rage-a-holic, because I really hate that some other person's presence can cut my night short. After I went home I found 2 PBR's in my fridge, climbed up onto the roof of my garage, and slammed them. At this point I slipped into some strange dream state, and I was visited by the devil. He asked me what the price for my soul was, and I gave him my conditions:
1. A big fucking knife!
This seems simple enough, but it's illuded me for years now. I want one that has a nice holder, so I can have it round my ankle.
2. Madder, awesomer guitar skillz, since I've already got mad awesome guitar skillz.
3. A magical bottle of whiskey that never runs out.
4. A harem of extremely attractive women.
5. A badass motorcycle.
6. Lots and lots and lots of cocaine.
He's supposed to get back to me in a year or so.
I also had a conversation with Mark Twain. He said the only thing he missed about the earth was eating frog legs.
Strange dude.
Thanks to Hillary and Lauren for driving me home before I put a motherfucker's head through a window. I advise highly against drinking a bunch of cough syrup, having a cup of black tea, and then drinking a bunch of beer. Karaoke was fun, but I kept hearing crazy shit, and then I'd think I saw someone that I knew, but it would turn out to be someone else. The highlights were clearly that one flaboyantly homosexual dude who loved Kelly's version of "Hard Day's Night," getting hit on by the same dude in the bathroom while I was waiting to blow my nose (I WAS wearing my Bowie t-shirt), and that one really wasted, really unattractive girl wearing the mini-skirt who kept trying to grind on dudes. That girl, at one point, was grinding on this sort of pudgy dude, and I'm thinking to myself, "Wait a minute, there's something not quite right about this..." And then Ken starts laughing and turns to me and informs me that the pudgy dude is actually a very butch lesbian. This girl in the mini-skirt had no clue that she was getting groped on the dance floor by another chick. Genious.
It just sucks that I'm a fucking rage-a-holic, because I really hate that some other person's presence can cut my night short. After I went home I found 2 PBR's in my fridge, climbed up onto the roof of my garage, and slammed them. At this point I slipped into some strange dream state, and I was visited by the devil. He asked me what the price for my soul was, and I gave him my conditions:
1. A big fucking knife!
This seems simple enough, but it's illuded me for years now. I want one that has a nice holder, so I can have it round my ankle.
2. Madder, awesomer guitar skillz, since I've already got mad awesome guitar skillz.
3. A magical bottle of whiskey that never runs out.
4. A harem of extremely attractive women.
5. A badass motorcycle.
6. Lots and lots and lots of cocaine.
He's supposed to get back to me in a year or so.
I also had a conversation with Mark Twain. He said the only thing he missed about the earth was eating frog legs.
Strange dude.