Now that ive hit bottom i got nowhere to go but up
I feel very fuckin optimistic about my situation in life now. I feel very free. I have been sober for a solid month now. I have made a conscious decision to be less crazy than I had become. I needed to turn the volume of my life down a bit. At first sobriety sucked but dealing with all the raw pain I was dealing with, instead of dulling it with intoxicants feels better. I realized I was teetering on the brink of the drain at the end of my self destructive downward spiral. I didnt like it. I have regained my ambition and am going to become the man i was meant to be. School will begin anew in the fall and I will finish. I will graduate and I will become a special ed teacher or a school counselor. I will help improve the quality of peoples lives. I will be somebody people were glad to have known. Im not doing this because society tells me to, I will do this because everything in my very being, my heart, soul, and essence tell me to. I feel best when I am helping people deal. Perhaps that is why i always chase after the broken girls. I want to help them find what joy they can, even at the expense of my own. Hear this now, no more am I a crutch, no more am I the guy who tries to help someone out, wheather it be out of actual emotional attatchment, or just an attempt to get laid...
I hate stepping on the same land mine twice...
It sucks that I still have secret demons that I cant go into, but last couple of times I made those public people got all hostile so thats why I was grumpy at Kirbys on monday. I do appologize to anyone i was standoffish or aparently mean to. I have decided to make new bounderies and enforce them.
I need to list my bounderies and put them on all my clothing. Allong with a warning label.
I think it would read something like this.
*WARNING! Breaking any of these rules may result in this Giant harboring feelings of adoration and/or lust towards you!*
1-Please dont touch me unecisarily. Hugs hello and good bye are acceptable but please keep them brief.
2-DO NOT BITE THE GIANT! If you bite the giant it makes him happy in his pants! Also if you bite the giant he may feel he has the right to bite back and he has a big mouth with lots of big teeth.
3-Dont ever say "love" and "you" to the giant in the same sentance, He WILL take it out of context and get horribly confused. He may even freak out and just run away, He may carve your name in his arm, Who knows what he will do.
4-Leave his nipples alone. See #2.
gosh this all sounds creepy but its just the way I am, Im sick of getting the wrong idea in my head and i think that if people knew this shit they would give me a wide bearth unless their intentions were true.
Maybe im too fucking fragile. Maybe i should go join the emo kids here in town and write shitty poems about how much ill never be loved,
But through all this i cant help but feel optimistic. Of all the recent romantic failures, i realize one thing. No matter how much i want it, and how great it seems, i dont get what i want from it so there has to be something even better than could ever be with all of these failed attempts so that keeps me going. yes i know that was a horrid run on sentance but it just all came out. So i will wade through the muck, lookin for someone whos into what i got.
till next time, whenever that may be,
love and kisses,
The holy fuckgiant, capn' doing doing, the naughty god of fuck, or however you want to address me, hell how bout scott.
Ciao
I hate stepping on the same land mine twice...
It sucks that I still have secret demons that I cant go into, but last couple of times I made those public people got all hostile so thats why I was grumpy at Kirbys on monday. I do appologize to anyone i was standoffish or aparently mean to. I have decided to make new bounderies and enforce them.
I need to list my bounderies and put them on all my clothing. Allong with a warning label.
I think it would read something like this.
*WARNING! Breaking any of these rules may result in this Giant harboring feelings of adoration and/or lust towards you!*
1-Please dont touch me unecisarily. Hugs hello and good bye are acceptable but please keep them brief.
2-DO NOT BITE THE GIANT! If you bite the giant it makes him happy in his pants! Also if you bite the giant he may feel he has the right to bite back and he has a big mouth with lots of big teeth.
3-Dont ever say "love" and "you" to the giant in the same sentance, He WILL take it out of context and get horribly confused. He may even freak out and just run away, He may carve your name in his arm, Who knows what he will do.
4-Leave his nipples alone. See #2.
gosh this all sounds creepy but its just the way I am, Im sick of getting the wrong idea in my head and i think that if people knew this shit they would give me a wide bearth unless their intentions were true.
Maybe im too fucking fragile. Maybe i should go join the emo kids here in town and write shitty poems about how much ill never be loved,
But through all this i cant help but feel optimistic. Of all the recent romantic failures, i realize one thing. No matter how much i want it, and how great it seems, i dont get what i want from it so there has to be something even better than could ever be with all of these failed attempts so that keeps me going. yes i know that was a horrid run on sentance but it just all came out. So i will wade through the muck, lookin for someone whos into what i got.
till next time, whenever that may be,
love and kisses,
The holy fuckgiant, capn' doing doing, the naughty god of fuck, or however you want to address me, hell how bout scott.
Ciao