times you just wanna die
not even a month engaged and john pulled out. he said he wants to be together but he cant. whatever. and im not one of those girlfriends that rushed him into marriage and wants to no where he is with whom and what time..im not pushy i just believed every word he ever told me...every we are gonna get married, every we'll be together forever, every your beautiful and every i love you. Guess im the loser in this sick little game. But its not just this its those skeletons no one else knows about too. when is enough enough. he wants to still be friends well i quit. you cant be only friends with someone you were gonna marry. Not only that but now everyone else gets to sit back and laugh that i thought we were gonna last and that i thought i could be ready for this marriage thing. well i am ready to marry john but theres something with me hes just not ready for. what is it? maybe other girls tempt him...maybe im not pretty enough, not thin enough...you no im one of the biggest girls he hangs out with, maybe i wasnt good enough to him, maybe i didnt spend enough time with him, or that im just me. well all is not well with me...its one of those times you enter that deep depression where you stay in your room for weeks without eatting and moving and ill never be ok from this. and the sad thing is that ill always love him with all my heart always and forever but not never.