FIC: Cracked
Title: Cracked
Author: holydread
Pairing: Lucifer/Michael/Sam
Rating: PG-13
Words: 1,800
Spoilers:None.
Warnings: Egg-laying. No, seriously: egg-laying. Unabashed crack played completely straight.
Notes: Written for Mundane Bingo for the prompt: House Cleaning. See the full card here. Written for aeon_entwined to make her day a little more awesome and because it wouldn't exist without her.
Summary: Wherein Sam learns more than he wanted to know about Angelic reproduction.
Michael began to realize what was happening when Lucifer started complaining and had them all move to a nicer motel.
The sheets in the old room were too scratchy, the lights were too harsh, the beds weren't wide enough for them all. Lucifer got his wings caught in the shower curtain in the too-small bathroom and the whole room smelled like Pine-Sol.
The bitching continued until Michael and Sam caught each other's eyes over Lucifer's twitching wings and shared a terrified look. Lucifer could get himself worked up into a terrible rage if one of them did not drag him off and distract him, but this time no amount of placating would derail him and eventually Sam sighed, packed up their things, and found a new hotel.
Dean had complained at the move, having just settled in his own room, but reluctantly followed. He was unwilling to leave his brother alone with the two most powerful Archangels in the Host. And that, at least, was something Michael could understand.
When they arrived, Michael was certain that it would be good enough even for his discerning brother. There had been a valet out front (who sneered at their car) and Sam had awkwardly tipped the bellboy who dragged their bags up to the proper floor.
But then Lucifer looked at the room, wrinkled his nose, and set about cleaning.
He and Sam have pushed the queen beds together and are now sitting quietly watching as Lucifer methodically loses his mind.
Lucifer cleans the entire room by hand. He snaps up cleaning products from thin air but does everything else the human way, scrubbing at invisible spots on the carpet, washing down the thankfully wide shower stall, and even taking a soapy rag to the walls.
Michael tries to help several times but is continually shot down.
He has had his suspicions since they arrived, but it is not until Lucifer kicks them off the bed to freshen the linens that Michael can no longer live in denial.
Sam is radiating confusion and concern and every time he touches Lucifer the Angel shrugs him off and glares. Lucifer is rearranging the sheets and blankets into a pile when Michael finally sighs and goes to him. He places his hand high on Lucifer's back, rubs between his brother's wings and leans into him.
There's no need to ask if Lucifer is sure. This is pure instinct and they both know it. Michael nudges him with his Grace and finds that Lucifer is a bundle of energy and nerves.
With a resigned nod, Michael presses his lips to Lucifer's cheek and promises that it will be all right, that they will all get through this together. He holds a hand out for Sam and pulls the human against his brother, laughing quietly when Lucifer blames this completely on Sam.
"What is going on?" Sam demands as Lucifer drapes a wing around him.
Michael slips out to find some more sheets as the two of them settle in the middle of the beds for what Michael is sure will be an awkward conversation. He should stay, but he is not ashamed to admit that Lucifer's temper still scares him and that he would rather be running errands than face this explanation.
Unfortunately, he cannot put it off for long.
The moment he returns with a armful of crisp, white sheets Sam is kneeling up in the middle of Lucifer's nest with an accusatory glare.
"We're having a baby?"
Michael snorts and begins to arrange the new sheets around the bed, interspersing pillows into the mess and then curling himself in it as well. "We are having a fledgling," he corrects patiently, laying his head on Lucifer's lap and folding his wings at his back.
He hums as his brother starts combing through his wings, working loose feathers free and tucking them into the folds of the sheets, insulating the nest.
Sam just watches incredulously and then buries his face in his hands. "How?" he asks quietly, sounding completely at a loss.
"'How' is the easy question," Lucifer drawls above him, "The better question is 'why'."
"Lucifer is right," Michael responds, rubbing his cheek against his brother's knee and nudging Sam with a foot. "He is nesting and we will soon have an egg, but the real question is why our Father wanted this to happen at all."
Sam huffs out a breath and shifts closer to them, pushing his fingers into one of Lucifer's wings. "Probably an effort to make us all grow up, take some responsibility," he guesses with a roll of his eyes.
Michael grins at Sam and is suddenly grateful that the human is here with them. They could handle this alone, but Sam has such a way of taking everything in stride, of making sure that they are taken care of. Even given the eternity that he and Lucifer have lived, Sam is definitely the most mature person in this relationship.
"The Archangels have never reproduced," Lucifer murmurs suddenly, admitting to Sam the fear they are all feeling right now. "We were spoken into existence. Reproduction was for mortals and - when our numbers were depleted - the lower choirs. They received the call from above and began the messy business of eggs and merging Graces. I have never heard of it happening to one of us."
Sam frowns and leans against Lucifer's side, his hand falling to Michael's wing instead. "So... it's your fledgling."
He sounds disappointed and Michael automatically reaches out to him with his Grace, brushes the bright glow of Sam's soul. "Not quite," he assures, "The formation of their Grace will be completely us, but we are on Earth, Sam. The vessel, the brain, will be all yours."
Sam's hand stills in his feathers and the human tilts his head in a perfect imitation of Angelic confusion. "Like a clone?"
Lucifer bursts into laughter and leans his forehead against Sam's shoulder while he tries to catch his breath.
"No," Michael grouses, "not like a clone. More like a form of asexual reproduction. Lucifer's body is using your DNA to create the building blocks of a vessel and remnants of our Graces to create a brand new Angel."
Sam just shakes his head and wraps an arm around Lucifer's shoulders, muttering about the insanity of it all.
* * * *
It takes several more days before it is time.
Lucifer becomes bloated and irritable while his vessel changes to accommodate the process, his true nature coming to the fore. He keeps up the obsession with cleaning, as well, demanding fresh linens and towels from the hotel staff everyday despite never changing the construction of the nest.
There are more feathers tucked in the sheets now, and Sam and Michael have to sleep curled around Lucifer in the nest if they want to use the bed at all. Michael pretends to whine about it but really it is a small price to pay for what Lucifer is doing for them.
If he thought he was protective of his brother before, he had clearly underestimated himself because now he cannot even stand having Dean come near him. Michael puffs up his wings in aggression every time there is a knock on the door and he will not allow Castiel to even look at Lucifer for very long before banishing him. Sam tries to get him to relax but Michael will have none of it - the human is just lucky he is allowed to stay.
When he is not using his situation as emotional blackmail, Lucifer spends most of his time either dusting and washing the windows or demanding physical attention. Michael is only too happy to groom him, to curl around his brother in their nest and run his fingers through the dark feathers. Lucifer allows Sam to kiss and touch him as well but has grown uncharacteristically hesitant about anything more, unwilling to share exactly what is happening to his body to allow this impossibility.
Sam takes it well enough and keeps his stroking confined to Lucifer's wings even if he does not quite understand.
When it finally happens, Sam almost misses it.
He is out with Dean when Lucifer turns to Michael in fear and grips his wrist. Michael practically carries him to the nest and gets him ready, kneeling in front of him with wide eyes, unsure if he should go find Sam or stay where he is.
Lucifer solves the dilemma for him by digging his fingers into Michael's shoulders and reaching for him with his Grace.
Luckily for everyone, Sam has not been spending much time away, afraid of this exact thing happening, and he returns before Lucifer can even curse him for being responsible for the whole thing.
The human is scrambling into the nest immediately, kneeling behind Lucifer and getting an arm around his waist in support. Michael has to brace himself against the unchecked fear and rising panic flowing out from Sam. He sends him a glare over Lucifer's shoulder because those emotions are not helping his brother's own uncertainty.
Actually laying the egg does not take very long but it requires a tremendous amount of effort on Lucifer's part. He is exhausted and bitter at the both of them by the time it is over but Michael and Sam support his weight without complaint and end up lying beside him while he cleans off the egg and curls protectively around it.
“It's... very small,” Sam says gently, afraid of offending them.
Lucifer's wings puff up but Michael just laughs and kisses the top of the human's head.
“It will grow,” he explains, “The shell expands as the vessel grows, incubates.”
Sam is peering over Lucifer's shoulder in wonder now, nudging his ruffled wings out of the way and staring at their egg.
Michael thinks it is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen: a small ivory coloured egg that contains the most precious thing in Creation. Sam's sudden awe and overwhelming love make him relax as well, the small fear that his human mind would not be able to accept this vanishing.
“You two owe me so much,” Lucifer mumbles tiredly from between them.
With the egg nestled between the Angels, Sam spoons up behind Lucifer and Michael throws a wing over the both of them.
“I am certain you will never let us forget,” Michael smiles in reply, reaching over to push damp hair off Lucifer's forehead.
Sam throws a curious look over Lucifer's shoulder and asks, “Does this mean we're settling down?”
Author: holydread
Pairing: Lucifer/Michael/Sam
Rating: PG-13
Words: 1,800
Spoilers:None.
Warnings: Egg-laying. No, seriously: egg-laying. Unabashed crack played completely straight.
Notes: Written for Mundane Bingo for the prompt: House Cleaning. See the full card here. Written for aeon_entwined to make her day a little more awesome and because it wouldn't exist without her.
Summary: Wherein Sam learns more than he wanted to know about Angelic reproduction.
Michael began to realize what was happening when Lucifer started complaining and had them all move to a nicer motel.
The sheets in the old room were too scratchy, the lights were too harsh, the beds weren't wide enough for them all. Lucifer got his wings caught in the shower curtain in the too-small bathroom and the whole room smelled like Pine-Sol.
The bitching continued until Michael and Sam caught each other's eyes over Lucifer's twitching wings and shared a terrified look. Lucifer could get himself worked up into a terrible rage if one of them did not drag him off and distract him, but this time no amount of placating would derail him and eventually Sam sighed, packed up their things, and found a new hotel.
Dean had complained at the move, having just settled in his own room, but reluctantly followed. He was unwilling to leave his brother alone with the two most powerful Archangels in the Host. And that, at least, was something Michael could understand.
When they arrived, Michael was certain that it would be good enough even for his discerning brother. There had been a valet out front (who sneered at their car) and Sam had awkwardly tipped the bellboy who dragged their bags up to the proper floor.
But then Lucifer looked at the room, wrinkled his nose, and set about cleaning.
He and Sam have pushed the queen beds together and are now sitting quietly watching as Lucifer methodically loses his mind.
Lucifer cleans the entire room by hand. He snaps up cleaning products from thin air but does everything else the human way, scrubbing at invisible spots on the carpet, washing down the thankfully wide shower stall, and even taking a soapy rag to the walls.
Michael tries to help several times but is continually shot down.
He has had his suspicions since they arrived, but it is not until Lucifer kicks them off the bed to freshen the linens that Michael can no longer live in denial.
Sam is radiating confusion and concern and every time he touches Lucifer the Angel shrugs him off and glares. Lucifer is rearranging the sheets and blankets into a pile when Michael finally sighs and goes to him. He places his hand high on Lucifer's back, rubs between his brother's wings and leans into him.
There's no need to ask if Lucifer is sure. This is pure instinct and they both know it. Michael nudges him with his Grace and finds that Lucifer is a bundle of energy and nerves.
With a resigned nod, Michael presses his lips to Lucifer's cheek and promises that it will be all right, that they will all get through this together. He holds a hand out for Sam and pulls the human against his brother, laughing quietly when Lucifer blames this completely on Sam.
"What is going on?" Sam demands as Lucifer drapes a wing around him.
Michael slips out to find some more sheets as the two of them settle in the middle of the beds for what Michael is sure will be an awkward conversation. He should stay, but he is not ashamed to admit that Lucifer's temper still scares him and that he would rather be running errands than face this explanation.
Unfortunately, he cannot put it off for long.
The moment he returns with a armful of crisp, white sheets Sam is kneeling up in the middle of Lucifer's nest with an accusatory glare.
"We're having a baby?"
Michael snorts and begins to arrange the new sheets around the bed, interspersing pillows into the mess and then curling himself in it as well. "We are having a fledgling," he corrects patiently, laying his head on Lucifer's lap and folding his wings at his back.
He hums as his brother starts combing through his wings, working loose feathers free and tucking them into the folds of the sheets, insulating the nest.
Sam just watches incredulously and then buries his face in his hands. "How?" he asks quietly, sounding completely at a loss.
"'How' is the easy question," Lucifer drawls above him, "The better question is 'why'."
"Lucifer is right," Michael responds, rubbing his cheek against his brother's knee and nudging Sam with a foot. "He is nesting and we will soon have an egg, but the real question is why our Father wanted this to happen at all."
Sam huffs out a breath and shifts closer to them, pushing his fingers into one of Lucifer's wings. "Probably an effort to make us all grow up, take some responsibility," he guesses with a roll of his eyes.
Michael grins at Sam and is suddenly grateful that the human is here with them. They could handle this alone, but Sam has such a way of taking everything in stride, of making sure that they are taken care of. Even given the eternity that he and Lucifer have lived, Sam is definitely the most mature person in this relationship.
"The Archangels have never reproduced," Lucifer murmurs suddenly, admitting to Sam the fear they are all feeling right now. "We were spoken into existence. Reproduction was for mortals and - when our numbers were depleted - the lower choirs. They received the call from above and began the messy business of eggs and merging Graces. I have never heard of it happening to one of us."
Sam frowns and leans against Lucifer's side, his hand falling to Michael's wing instead. "So... it's your fledgling."
He sounds disappointed and Michael automatically reaches out to him with his Grace, brushes the bright glow of Sam's soul. "Not quite," he assures, "The formation of their Grace will be completely us, but we are on Earth, Sam. The vessel, the brain, will be all yours."
Sam's hand stills in his feathers and the human tilts his head in a perfect imitation of Angelic confusion. "Like a clone?"
Lucifer bursts into laughter and leans his forehead against Sam's shoulder while he tries to catch his breath.
"No," Michael grouses, "not like a clone. More like a form of asexual reproduction. Lucifer's body is using your DNA to create the building blocks of a vessel and remnants of our Graces to create a brand new Angel."
Sam just shakes his head and wraps an arm around Lucifer's shoulders, muttering about the insanity of it all.
* * * *
It takes several more days before it is time.
Lucifer becomes bloated and irritable while his vessel changes to accommodate the process, his true nature coming to the fore. He keeps up the obsession with cleaning, as well, demanding fresh linens and towels from the hotel staff everyday despite never changing the construction of the nest.
There are more feathers tucked in the sheets now, and Sam and Michael have to sleep curled around Lucifer in the nest if they want to use the bed at all. Michael pretends to whine about it but really it is a small price to pay for what Lucifer is doing for them.
If he thought he was protective of his brother before, he had clearly underestimated himself because now he cannot even stand having Dean come near him. Michael puffs up his wings in aggression every time there is a knock on the door and he will not allow Castiel to even look at Lucifer for very long before banishing him. Sam tries to get him to relax but Michael will have none of it - the human is just lucky he is allowed to stay.
When he is not using his situation as emotional blackmail, Lucifer spends most of his time either dusting and washing the windows or demanding physical attention. Michael is only too happy to groom him, to curl around his brother in their nest and run his fingers through the dark feathers. Lucifer allows Sam to kiss and touch him as well but has grown uncharacteristically hesitant about anything more, unwilling to share exactly what is happening to his body to allow this impossibility.
Sam takes it well enough and keeps his stroking confined to Lucifer's wings even if he does not quite understand.
When it finally happens, Sam almost misses it.
He is out with Dean when Lucifer turns to Michael in fear and grips his wrist. Michael practically carries him to the nest and gets him ready, kneeling in front of him with wide eyes, unsure if he should go find Sam or stay where he is.
Lucifer solves the dilemma for him by digging his fingers into Michael's shoulders and reaching for him with his Grace.
Luckily for everyone, Sam has not been spending much time away, afraid of this exact thing happening, and he returns before Lucifer can even curse him for being responsible for the whole thing.
The human is scrambling into the nest immediately, kneeling behind Lucifer and getting an arm around his waist in support. Michael has to brace himself against the unchecked fear and rising panic flowing out from Sam. He sends him a glare over Lucifer's shoulder because those emotions are not helping his brother's own uncertainty.
Actually laying the egg does not take very long but it requires a tremendous amount of effort on Lucifer's part. He is exhausted and bitter at the both of them by the time it is over but Michael and Sam support his weight without complaint and end up lying beside him while he cleans off the egg and curls protectively around it.
“It's... very small,” Sam says gently, afraid of offending them.
Lucifer's wings puff up but Michael just laughs and kisses the top of the human's head.
“It will grow,” he explains, “The shell expands as the vessel grows, incubates.”
Sam is peering over Lucifer's shoulder in wonder now, nudging his ruffled wings out of the way and staring at their egg.
Michael thinks it is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen: a small ivory coloured egg that contains the most precious thing in Creation. Sam's sudden awe and overwhelming love make him relax as well, the small fear that his human mind would not be able to accept this vanishing.
“You two owe me so much,” Lucifer mumbles tiredly from between them.
With the egg nestled between the Angels, Sam spoons up behind Lucifer and Michael throws a wing over the both of them.
“I am certain you will never let us forget,” Michael smiles in reply, reaching over to push damp hair off Lucifer's forehead.
Sam throws a curious look over Lucifer's shoulder and asks, “Does this mean we're settling down?”