everything is wonderful now...
It's been a while sence I've put something worth while up here, so I think I'm gonna try something new. I'm gonna try and put into words something that has always seemed just out of reach. I'm not gonna delete anything, just gonna keep on writing. Anyone who had Cognard will know immediately what I'm doin.
Train of Thought Entry 1: The Third Wheel
So three friends hang out every day. All friends. Two start dating. The third one is just... there... hmmmm. it's one hell of a feeling. It's like one of the biggest mental mind fucks of mixed emotions there is. oh my god. it's hard to explain. you care, but you don't. you want to say something, but you don't. you can't. what would you say. what can you say. nothing. you don't want to break up the three friends, but you don't want to let it keep happening. it sucks, it hurts, it seperates. you want them to be happy, but at the same time you don't. you really are just rollin a along with the other two. i guess 'third wheel' really fits. it's uncomfortable, being pushed out. you used to tell each other everything, then you have sectrets and thoughts that go unshared. you miss the feelings, the fun. you miss being included, but you don't want to be included in this new type of 'included". you're not looking for a three-some, you know things won't go back to how they were, you just want it all back, but it won't happen. everythings cool till they start getting on each other, then your like, shit. that sucks, you get jealous, not over one or the other, but both. you don't get to be a pert of it, not everything, like you used to be. things start changing, you start hanging out with other people, you feel distanced, they get pissed cause youre not with them, you get pissed cause they don't want you there. i made a playlist of the trippiest thinking music just for this post, cause i thought it'd be cool.... i don't think it would really make a difference. wow. ummmmm..... i think i'm typing a lot of conflicting ideas, but it's all completely true. one hundred percent. that's why this is such a fucked up thing to try and rationalize. shit happens, friends are torn apart. i think about all the fun we had, damn it was fun. even now i know things won't be the same, cause there's always that 'thing' just hangs in the atmosphere. yeah, we'll hang out, we'll chill, we'll... whatever, but it won't be the same. i'ts notsomething that can make me mad, but its just.. different. it's uncomfortable. Things get better over time, and they have, but it won't be the same. I've changed, they've changed. it's like a chinese fire drill of personalities... not really. lol it's cool though. i've thought things through as far as i think i need to. i understand. in the end you really just have to let things go, not holding yourself or them back from what we all can be. it's like time wants us to change, there's no reason for one person to hold three back. but in the end, everything is wonderful now. wow, i wrote a lot.
Train of Thought Entry 1: The Third Wheel
So three friends hang out every day. All friends. Two start dating. The third one is just... there... hmmmm. it's one hell of a feeling. It's like one of the biggest mental mind fucks of mixed emotions there is. oh my god. it's hard to explain. you care, but you don't. you want to say something, but you don't. you can't. what would you say. what can you say. nothing. you don't want to break up the three friends, but you don't want to let it keep happening. it sucks, it hurts, it seperates. you want them to be happy, but at the same time you don't. you really are just rollin a along with the other two. i guess 'third wheel' really fits. it's uncomfortable, being pushed out. you used to tell each other everything, then you have sectrets and thoughts that go unshared. you miss the feelings, the fun. you miss being included, but you don't want to be included in this new type of 'included". you're not looking for a three-some, you know things won't go back to how they were, you just want it all back, but it won't happen. everythings cool till they start getting on each other, then your like, shit. that sucks, you get jealous, not over one or the other, but both. you don't get to be a pert of it, not everything, like you used to be. things start changing, you start hanging out with other people, you feel distanced, they get pissed cause youre not with them, you get pissed cause they don't want you there. i made a playlist of the trippiest thinking music just for this post, cause i thought it'd be cool.... i don't think it would really make a difference. wow. ummmmm..... i think i'm typing a lot of conflicting ideas, but it's all completely true. one hundred percent. that's why this is such a fucked up thing to try and rationalize. shit happens, friends are torn apart. i think about all the fun we had, damn it was fun. even now i know things won't be the same, cause there's always that 'thing' just hangs in the atmosphere. yeah, we'll hang out, we'll chill, we'll... whatever, but it won't be the same. i'ts notsomething that can make me mad, but its just.. different. it's uncomfortable. Things get better over time, and they have, but it won't be the same. I've changed, they've changed. it's like a chinese fire drill of personalities... not really. lol it's cool though. i've thought things through as far as i think i need to. i understand. in the end you really just have to let things go, not holding yourself or them back from what we all can be. it's like time wants us to change, there's no reason for one person to hold three back. but in the end, everything is wonderful now. wow, i wrote a lot.