Childhood nightmares
In honor of Halloween being last week and all the horror movies being on TV I thought it would be fitting to bring you (cue spooky music)
LINDSEY'S CHILDHOOD FEARS
(The TV version)
I didn't see much horror movies as a kid. They weren't allowed and by the time I saw a couple I was past that age where a frightening image was capable of scaring you once the TV was off. Sooo.....my list is a little lame and weird, but these were the scenes that would bring out the nightlight back in the day.
Chunk from Goonies fighting for his candy bar has to be an honorable mention. I couldn't decide which was more disturbing: him or his creepy asexual mother with the smoker's cough. Oh, Mama Fratelli, they don't make villians like you anymore.
In reverse order....
NUMBER V: Pizza the Hut
Let's go see Space Balls. It's funny! It's a spoof of Star Wars. Any young girl would like it right?
Well, here was my thought process at that movie: That gold robot is cool. John Candy is dressed like a big dog. He's funny. There's Pizza the Hut. He's yucky and his face is dripping with cheese and OH MY GOD HE'S EATING HIS OWN FACE. My poor little brain just couldn't find self-cannibalization funny.
NUMBER IV: The Tree from Poltergeist
Forget Carrie Anne being sucked into the TV. Forget building your house over an Indian graveyard. Forget the midget lady that talked like she had been sucking down helium. Any kid knows that the tree outside your window that scratches against the pane is the real enemy.
NUMBER III: The maggots in the Lost Boys
Jack Bauer as a vampire? Meh. Being a vampire didn't seem so bad anyway, all they did was drink beer and go to carnivals.
Corey Haim's pink outfits, while making him look like a sissy, isn't what I would call scary.
No, the scariest part in this movie is definitely when the older brother goes to eat his Chinese food and gets a mouthful of maggots. The thought still makes me want to boot almost 2 decades later.
NUMBER II: White E.T.
Who doesn't love that little Reeses Pieces eating, frog dissection hating, finger glowing, Elliot mind melding little alien? But when Michael comes across his dying, exposed, white body in the river and I really got scared. Poor E.T.
Number I: (drum roll) The Wheelers from Return to Oz
I hated hated hated hated these guys. Hated them. Why was I so scared of a bunch of goons with wheels for their hands, I couldn't tell you.
I finished watching Kramer vs. Kramer last night. Kramer won.
LINDSEY'S CHILDHOOD FEARS
(The TV version)
I didn't see much horror movies as a kid. They weren't allowed and by the time I saw a couple I was past that age where a frightening image was capable of scaring you once the TV was off. Sooo.....my list is a little lame and weird, but these were the scenes that would bring out the nightlight back in the day.
Chunk from Goonies fighting for his candy bar has to be an honorable mention. I couldn't decide which was more disturbing: him or his creepy asexual mother with the smoker's cough. Oh, Mama Fratelli, they don't make villians like you anymore.
In reverse order....
NUMBER V: Pizza the Hut
Let's go see Space Balls. It's funny! It's a spoof of Star Wars. Any young girl would like it right?
Well, here was my thought process at that movie: That gold robot is cool. John Candy is dressed like a big dog. He's funny. There's Pizza the Hut. He's yucky and his face is dripping with cheese and OH MY GOD HE'S EATING HIS OWN FACE. My poor little brain just couldn't find self-cannibalization funny.
NUMBER IV: The Tree from Poltergeist
Forget Carrie Anne being sucked into the TV. Forget building your house over an Indian graveyard. Forget the midget lady that talked like she had been sucking down helium. Any kid knows that the tree outside your window that scratches against the pane is the real enemy.
NUMBER III: The maggots in the Lost Boys
Jack Bauer as a vampire? Meh. Being a vampire didn't seem so bad anyway, all they did was drink beer and go to carnivals.
Corey Haim's pink outfits, while making him look like a sissy, isn't what I would call scary.
No, the scariest part in this movie is definitely when the older brother goes to eat his Chinese food and gets a mouthful of maggots. The thought still makes me want to boot almost 2 decades later.
NUMBER II: White E.T.
Who doesn't love that little Reeses Pieces eating, frog dissection hating, finger glowing, Elliot mind melding little alien? But when Michael comes across his dying, exposed, white body in the river and I really got scared. Poor E.T.
Number I: (drum roll) The Wheelers from Return to Oz
I hated hated hated hated these guys. Hated them. Why was I so scared of a bunch of goons with wheels for their hands, I couldn't tell you.
I finished watching Kramer vs. Kramer last night. Kramer won.