venting
I finally figured out why I am having intense depression and suicidal type thoughts(no, I won't act on them). Besides getting the last of the furniture out of the storage space(which triggered several days of serious grieving), finally getting the 1099, still working up to interviewing attorneys to make sense of things for an estate of less than $10000, one of my sweeties deciding that he can no longer handle the power dynamic we have had for 2 years(which is fine and doable, but caused a different round of grieving), the house, exercise, church, rebekahs, and and and I have my work evaluation today. The first one since everything blew up in the fall. The one I hoped I wouldn't be here for. I am on the edge of tears and that will not help. I care and I don't. I want to throw a fit, scream and throw things. I won't, but the thought is tempting. I am finally ready to stand up for myself, maybe.