TPOL: Epilogue
Epilogue I: Period of Engagement
Three months after he was released from the hospital, Leonard was deemed to have recovered enough to have sex with James (by Christine's standards). The healer celebrated this by jumping his fiance as soon as the younger hobbit returned from whatever he did during the day at tea time.
Thankfully for James, his mother was still out of the house, working on some secret project that he did not know anything about (though there were moments when he suspected that Leonard was somehow involved in this mysterious project of his mother's).
"Aren't you worried that Christine will have your balls, Bones?" James inquired, somewhat breathlessly.
"What would she do with them, James?" Leonard replied, "she has absolutely no interest in men except as friends."
"Gaila says that she eats ice cream made out of hobbit dicks," James informed the healer.
Leonard snorted in mild amusement.
"I think she's confused hobbits with whales, James," he declared.
"Whales?" the younger hobbit asked, "what's a whale?"
Leonard stared at his fiance.
"Seriously?" he demanded, "you know all about 'sensors' and 'tricorders', but you don't know what a whale is?"
"Obviously, or I wouldn't have asked," James pointed out.
Leonard scowled.
"A whale is a kind of giant creature that lives in the Sea," he explained, "you do know what the Sea is, right?"
"The big body of salty water that separates us from the Blessed Realm of the Valar," James dutifully replied, "yeah, I know what the Sea is, Bones."
"And yet you don't know what a whale is," Leonard muttered, "I suppose you don't know what a dolphin is either."
"You suppose rightly, Bones," James confirmed, before abruptly asking, "have you decided on a date yet?"
Leonard was not at all bewildered by the sudden change of topic in their conversation--by this point in their relationship, he was used to James being unpredictable.
"I've got a date in mind, yes," the healer replied.
"Oh!" James cried, "when?"
"Boys!" Winona called as she stepped through the front door, "I'm home!"
"Oh crap," mumbled James as he hurriedly pulled his pants back on before his mother could walk in on them.
Leonard just snickered. He, of course, was already presentable (as usual). James glared at Leonard, daring him to speak his mind.
"Oh, am I interrupting something?" Winona asked.
"Bones was just about to tell me when he wants to get married, Mom," James informed her.
"He better not be planning to marry you before a year has past since you two announced your engagement," Winona warned, "the one year wait is required by law in Falasîr, and Christopher isn't going to let you two get married before the year is up just because you can't wait."
"Christopher?" James asked, "Mom, is there something you're not telling me?"
Winona grinned.
"Maybe," she said in reply.
"Mom!" James whined.
"Okay, okay!" Winona replied, "Christopher proposed today."
"And you said yes?" Leonard asked.
"Of course," Winona confirmed.
~*~
"Three months left until the big day, Bones," James announced as the healer yawned awake in the soft dawn light.
Leonard glanced at the calendar on the nearby wall of the guest bedroom of the Kirk family home.
"Mmm, you're right," he agreed, his voice gruff with sleep, "wish I could celebrate that with more than a morning kiss."
James nuzzled Leonard's collar bone.
"Why's that?" he asked.
"I'm going in early to the hospital today, that's why," Leonard replied, wriggling out of the bed.
"You like Christine better than me," James grumbled, stealing Leonard's pillow.
"When you're acting like a brat? Definitely," Leonard agreed, "but I'll always love you the most, James."
Epilogue II: The Big Day
Christopher helped James into the nice black jacket.
"Sir?" James suddenly asked, "can I ask you a question?"
"Certainly, James," Christopher replied.
"What if he gets bored of me?" James asked.
"While I am certain that he will never grow bored of you, James," Christopher replied, "why didn't you think of that before you decided to get married?"
James shrugged.
"I just thought of it just now," he admitted.
"What's really bothering you, James?" Christopher asked.
"Bones doesn't like going on adventures, sir," James informed his future step-father.
Pike nodded.
"I am aware of his opinion of adventures," he reminded the groom.
"And you know how I am," James continued.
"Always on the move, ready for the next adventure," Christopher confirmed, "I can see how you would be concerned."
"What do you think I should do?" James asked.
"Discuss your concerns with Leonard," Christopher answered without hesitation, "I'd wait until after the reception, if I were you."
"Why?" James asked.
"Do you want Leonard yelling at you in front of everyone?" Christopher inquired.
"No," James admitted, "but I don't think this question should wait until after the reception, sir."
"Really, this question should have been asked before you two proposed to each other, James," Christopher remarked candidly, "however, I am confident that Leonard will not leave you simply because you like going on adventures."
~*~
Meanwhile, in the little room across the hall from where James and Christopher were preparing themselves, Winona Kirk and Leonard McCoy were having their own serious conversation.
"Now you'd better be sure that you are going to be in this relationship for the long haul, Leonard," Winona declared vehemently.
"With all due respect, ma'am, I think it's a bit late for having second thoughts about marrying James," the healer observed.
Winona ignored him.
"If you don't think you can stay by my Jimmy's side until death, then just say the word now and we'll cancel the wedding," she insisted, "'cause I won't be having anyone break my little boy's heart."
"I think it's a bit late for me to be able to skip out of town without a new wedding band on my finger without breaking James' heart, ma'am," Leonard remarked, "besides, that would be breakin' my own heart at the same time if I did that."
Leonard's words finally got through to Winona.
"Oh," she said, "well then, forget I said anything. Unless you're only saying that to get me off of your back...?"
"Well, I may be saying it to you for that reason, yes," Leonard acknowledged, "but that doesn't make them any less true."
Winona nodded.
"I'd better leave you alone now," she said, "so that you can get ready for your big day without any additional stress being put on you for my part."
Too late for that, Leonard thought to himself, as Winona slipped back out of the room.
~*~
Since Leonard was a stranger to Falasîr, they had decided that James would stand by the altar (with his best man, Spock) as Christine Chapel escorted the healer up the aisle as Montgomery Scott played a tune he called "Here Comes the Groom" on the organ.
Leonard was a doctor, not a musician--he could not tell if Scotty was just a terrible organist or if the organ was just badly in need of retuning. Or may be it was Gaila's fault? She was sitting on top of the organ, after all, may be her weight was causing the organ to malfunction?
"Quit thinking about the organ, Healer," Christine muttered in a low voice, "and get ready, we're about to start walking up the aisle."
"It's hard not to when Gaila looks like a damn organ grinder's monkey," Leonard muttered back, "I can see her pink thong underwear from here, the way she's sitting."
Christine chuckled.
"Scotty likes giving her underwear like most men give their sweethearts red roses," the nurse remarked.
Leonard rolled his eyes, but did not say anything out loud, as they had started walking up the aisle in the middle of the small chapel, towards the altar.
As soon as he was even with James, the younger hobbit leaned over and whispered in the healer's ear, "Sorry 'bout the music, Bones, the organ's broken and Gaila isn't heavy enough."
"It wouldn't be our wedding without something or other going wrong, James," Leonard observed in a low voice.
"We are gathered here today to witness the joining of James Tiberius Kirk and Leonard Horatio McCoy," Christopher Pike announced, cutting off any further whispered conversation between the couple.
~*~
The wedding went off without a hitch--with the exception of the organ, of course. The reception afterwards, however, was a different matter entirely.
"Who the hell thought it was a good idea to serve calamari at my wedding reception!?" Leonard snarled.
"Bones, you're not a bridezilla," James quipped.
"Do you even know what calamari is, James?" the healer demanded, eyes wide and wild.
"We're married now, Bones, you can call me 'Jim'."
Leonard seemingly ignored James as he continued to rant about the evils of calamari.
"Tentacles, Jim, they're made from tentacles," he informed his husband, "and they come from squids with a fondness for tentacle-raping people."
"But then I'd figure you'd be happy to have calamari, Bones, especially since that would mean that there are fewer tentacle-raping squids out there to assault you," James pointed out.
"And you'd be wrong, Jim, oh so very wrong," Leonard replied, "because calamari is their secret weapon."
"Secret weapon?" James asked.
Leonard nodded vigorously.
"They use calamari to tentacle-rape you from the inside, Jim."
"Okay then," James said, thoroughly convinced that his husband had managed to lose his mind some how.
"You don't believe me, Jim," the healer remarked, "why don't you believe me?"
"Because you sound insane, Bones, that's why," James replied sincerely.
"Dammit, Jim, I'm the one who was tentacle-raped, why should I have to be reminded of that on my wedding day?" Leonard growled.
"Oh yeah...I didn't think of that," James admitted.
The healer rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything more on the subject, much to his husband's relief.
~*~
That evening, James and Leonard entered the Kirk family home--their home--for the first time as a (happily) married couple.
"Where's Winona?" Leonard asked James as soon as they had crossed the threshold.
"With Christopher," James replied, "and don't worry, they won't get up to anything I want to know about."
Leonard grinned.
"And what about us?" he asked.
"What do you mean?" James asked, confused.
"What are we going to be getting up to, Jim?" Leonard purred, pulling James towards him as he spoke.
"Oh," James said, realization dawning at last as he wrapped his arms around the healer, "what do you want to do?"
Leonard nipped at James' neck.
"I have a few ideas, Jim," he muttered into his husband's collarbone, "let's get into bed and get started on 'em, eh?"
"Bet I can beat you to the bed, old man," James challenged.
"Who are you calling old man?" Leonard retorted, "and you are so going to lose."
They raced down the hallway, towards the main bedroom. Leonard jumped on top of James just as the younger hobbit reached the doorway.
"No fair!" whined James, but Leonard ignored his complaint.
"Onwards, my trusty steed!" he cried out instead, "we go in search of sexual pleasure!"
James laughed as he carried Leonard over to the bed.
"Have we reached our destination yet?" he inquired, indicating the bed.
"I think so, my stallion," Leonard declared, "let me down and I shall see."
James leaned over, to let his husband roll off of his back and onto their wedding bed, but Leonard did not let go. Instead the healer pulled James down with him. James yelped in surprise as Leonard tried to turn him around so that he would be facing the healer.
"Your hands are cold!" he yelped.
"I guess that means you're going to be the one giving me a hand job tonight, huh?" Leonard inquired.
At the mention of sex, James completely forgot about his husband's cold hands. He wriggled his hips side to side as he placed his knees on either side of Leonard's thighs. Placing his hands on the healer's shoulders, James pinned him down to the bed and kissed Leonard passionately. Leonard, of course, responded by jerking his right knee upwards--a contraction of muscles triggered by the endorphins released into the healer's blood stream at the pleasure of the experience of kissing James, his husband.
Unfortunately, James' crotch was in the way of Leonard's knee.
James went down hard on top of the healer, and not in the way Leonard had wanted him to, not by a long shot.
"Dammit, Jim, you're heavy," Leonard growled, "get off so I can get you some ice."
"Ice?" squeaked James, who was still breathless with pain.
"Yeah, ice," Leonard affirmed, "for your bruise that's forming in your privates."
"But I wanna have sex," whined James, "sex with you!"
"It looks like that won't be happening tonight, Jim, sorry," the healer replied, "I'll need to check your genitals, to make sure I didn't break anything, but I could make it fun for you?"
James perked up at that.
"Are you offering to give me a hand job, Bones?" he asked.
"I'm offering to do doctorly things to you, Jim," Leonard corrected him, getting up from the bed as he spoke.
"Whatever you say, Bones," James replied, clearly unconvinced, "whatever you say."
~*~
By the time Leonard returned to the bed room with an ice pack and a tricorder, James was sitting upright on the bed waiting for him.
"Let's just cuddle the night away, Bones," James declared, "once you've finished checking me out."
Leonard nodded in acknowledgement, though he was only half-listening to his husband as he began scanning James with the tricorder.
"Well, it looks like sex is going to be out of the question for you for the next couple of days," the healer announced.
"Why?"
Leonard prodded James' penis in answer, causing the hobbit to yelp in pain.
"That's why," the healer proclaimed.
"Can't you use a dermal regenerator, Bones?" James begged.
Leonard shook his head.
"Sorry, Jim, but I can't," he replied, "those don't work on penile bruising."
"Is there anything you can do?"
Leonard shook his head again.
"All I can do for you is give you an ice pack, Jim."
"Aw, Bones, you can kiss me better."
Leonard smiled at the suggestion, sending pleasant chills up James spine. Then the healer lunged at his husband, pinning the other hobbit down on the bed under his weight. The bed creaked as Leonard's lips met James', the healer's tongue pressing against the hobbit captain's teeth. James moaned into the healer's mouth as the soothing coolness of an ice pack doused the fiery pain of his bruised penis. Leonard broke off the kiss, his lungs burning with the need for oxygen.
"I love you, Bones," James declared, "never leave me."
"Don't worry, Jim, I'll never leave you," Leonard vowed, "no matter what, I'll always be at your side, in spirit if not physically."
"Even when I go on adventures?" James inquired.
"Especially when you go on adventures," the healer was quick to assure him, "someone has to keep you in one piece, and it might as well be me."
"You don't trust M'Benga to take care of me?"
"Hell, Jim, I don't even trust you to take care of yourself," Leonard quipped.
"That's harsh, Bones," James declared, "especially since you were the one who kneed me just now."
"The truth usually is harsh, Jim," Leonard observed, "and if you weren't such a damned fine kisser, you never would have gotten kneed."
"I'll just tie your feet down the next time I want to top, huh?" James wondered aloud.
Leonard thought of tentacles wrapped around his body, restraining him, and shivered.
"Are you cold, Bones?" James asked, worried.
"There's an ice pack on your--" Leonard began, before cutting himself off with a sigh.
"Bones?"
"Nothing, Jim, I'm just tired," the healer insisted, but James was able to see right through him.
"You're lying, Bones," he said with a frown, "why are you lying to me?"
"I just don't like the idea of being restrained, Jim," Leonard admitted.
"This have anything to do with what the Watcher did to you?" the younger hobbit asked.
Leonard wordlessly nodded.
"I guess that would also explain your rant about calamari earlier," James remarked softly.
"Yeah, I did go kinda overboard, didn't I?" Leonard asked sheepishly.
"A little bit, yeah," James agreed, "but I still love you, Bones."
"I love you too, Jim."
~the end~
<< Previous||
Three months after he was released from the hospital, Leonard was deemed to have recovered enough to have sex with James (by Christine's standards). The healer celebrated this by jumping his fiance as soon as the younger hobbit returned from whatever he did during the day at tea time.
Thankfully for James, his mother was still out of the house, working on some secret project that he did not know anything about (though there were moments when he suspected that Leonard was somehow involved in this mysterious project of his mother's).
"Aren't you worried that Christine will have your balls, Bones?" James inquired, somewhat breathlessly.
"What would she do with them, James?" Leonard replied, "she has absolutely no interest in men except as friends."
"Gaila says that she eats ice cream made out of hobbit dicks," James informed the healer.
Leonard snorted in mild amusement.
"I think she's confused hobbits with whales, James," he declared.
"Whales?" the younger hobbit asked, "what's a whale?"
Leonard stared at his fiance.
"Seriously?" he demanded, "you know all about 'sensors' and 'tricorders', but you don't know what a whale is?"
"Obviously, or I wouldn't have asked," James pointed out.
Leonard scowled.
"A whale is a kind of giant creature that lives in the Sea," he explained, "you do know what the Sea is, right?"
"The big body of salty water that separates us from the Blessed Realm of the Valar," James dutifully replied, "yeah, I know what the Sea is, Bones."
"And yet you don't know what a whale is," Leonard muttered, "I suppose you don't know what a dolphin is either."
"You suppose rightly, Bones," James confirmed, before abruptly asking, "have you decided on a date yet?"
Leonard was not at all bewildered by the sudden change of topic in their conversation--by this point in their relationship, he was used to James being unpredictable.
"I've got a date in mind, yes," the healer replied.
"Oh!" James cried, "when?"
"Boys!" Winona called as she stepped through the front door, "I'm home!"
"Oh crap," mumbled James as he hurriedly pulled his pants back on before his mother could walk in on them.
Leonard just snickered. He, of course, was already presentable (as usual). James glared at Leonard, daring him to speak his mind.
"Oh, am I interrupting something?" Winona asked.
"Bones was just about to tell me when he wants to get married, Mom," James informed her.
"He better not be planning to marry you before a year has past since you two announced your engagement," Winona warned, "the one year wait is required by law in Falasîr, and Christopher isn't going to let you two get married before the year is up just because you can't wait."
"Christopher?" James asked, "Mom, is there something you're not telling me?"
Winona grinned.
"Maybe," she said in reply.
"Mom!" James whined.
"Okay, okay!" Winona replied, "Christopher proposed today."
"And you said yes?" Leonard asked.
"Of course," Winona confirmed.
~*~
"Three months left until the big day, Bones," James announced as the healer yawned awake in the soft dawn light.
Leonard glanced at the calendar on the nearby wall of the guest bedroom of the Kirk family home.
"Mmm, you're right," he agreed, his voice gruff with sleep, "wish I could celebrate that with more than a morning kiss."
James nuzzled Leonard's collar bone.
"Why's that?" he asked.
"I'm going in early to the hospital today, that's why," Leonard replied, wriggling out of the bed.
"You like Christine better than me," James grumbled, stealing Leonard's pillow.
"When you're acting like a brat? Definitely," Leonard agreed, "but I'll always love you the most, James."
Epilogue II: The Big Day
Christopher helped James into the nice black jacket.
"Sir?" James suddenly asked, "can I ask you a question?"
"Certainly, James," Christopher replied.
"What if he gets bored of me?" James asked.
"While I am certain that he will never grow bored of you, James," Christopher replied, "why didn't you think of that before you decided to get married?"
James shrugged.
"I just thought of it just now," he admitted.
"What's really bothering you, James?" Christopher asked.
"Bones doesn't like going on adventures, sir," James informed his future step-father.
Pike nodded.
"I am aware of his opinion of adventures," he reminded the groom.
"And you know how I am," James continued.
"Always on the move, ready for the next adventure," Christopher confirmed, "I can see how you would be concerned."
"What do you think I should do?" James asked.
"Discuss your concerns with Leonard," Christopher answered without hesitation, "I'd wait until after the reception, if I were you."
"Why?" James asked.
"Do you want Leonard yelling at you in front of everyone?" Christopher inquired.
"No," James admitted, "but I don't think this question should wait until after the reception, sir."
"Really, this question should have been asked before you two proposed to each other, James," Christopher remarked candidly, "however, I am confident that Leonard will not leave you simply because you like going on adventures."
~*~
Meanwhile, in the little room across the hall from where James and Christopher were preparing themselves, Winona Kirk and Leonard McCoy were having their own serious conversation.
"Now you'd better be sure that you are going to be in this relationship for the long haul, Leonard," Winona declared vehemently.
"With all due respect, ma'am, I think it's a bit late for having second thoughts about marrying James," the healer observed.
Winona ignored him.
"If you don't think you can stay by my Jimmy's side until death, then just say the word now and we'll cancel the wedding," she insisted, "'cause I won't be having anyone break my little boy's heart."
"I think it's a bit late for me to be able to skip out of town without a new wedding band on my finger without breaking James' heart, ma'am," Leonard remarked, "besides, that would be breakin' my own heart at the same time if I did that."
Leonard's words finally got through to Winona.
"Oh," she said, "well then, forget I said anything. Unless you're only saying that to get me off of your back...?"
"Well, I may be saying it to you for that reason, yes," Leonard acknowledged, "but that doesn't make them any less true."
Winona nodded.
"I'd better leave you alone now," she said, "so that you can get ready for your big day without any additional stress being put on you for my part."
Too late for that, Leonard thought to himself, as Winona slipped back out of the room.
~*~
Since Leonard was a stranger to Falasîr, they had decided that James would stand by the altar (with his best man, Spock) as Christine Chapel escorted the healer up the aisle as Montgomery Scott played a tune he called "Here Comes the Groom" on the organ.
Leonard was a doctor, not a musician--he could not tell if Scotty was just a terrible organist or if the organ was just badly in need of retuning. Or may be it was Gaila's fault? She was sitting on top of the organ, after all, may be her weight was causing the organ to malfunction?
"Quit thinking about the organ, Healer," Christine muttered in a low voice, "and get ready, we're about to start walking up the aisle."
"It's hard not to when Gaila looks like a damn organ grinder's monkey," Leonard muttered back, "I can see her pink thong underwear from here, the way she's sitting."
Christine chuckled.
"Scotty likes giving her underwear like most men give their sweethearts red roses," the nurse remarked.
Leonard rolled his eyes, but did not say anything out loud, as they had started walking up the aisle in the middle of the small chapel, towards the altar.
As soon as he was even with James, the younger hobbit leaned over and whispered in the healer's ear, "Sorry 'bout the music, Bones, the organ's broken and Gaila isn't heavy enough."
"It wouldn't be our wedding without something or other going wrong, James," Leonard observed in a low voice.
"We are gathered here today to witness the joining of James Tiberius Kirk and Leonard Horatio McCoy," Christopher Pike announced, cutting off any further whispered conversation between the couple.
~*~
The wedding went off without a hitch--with the exception of the organ, of course. The reception afterwards, however, was a different matter entirely.
"Who the hell thought it was a good idea to serve calamari at my wedding reception!?" Leonard snarled.
"Bones, you're not a bridezilla," James quipped.
"Do you even know what calamari is, James?" the healer demanded, eyes wide and wild.
"We're married now, Bones, you can call me 'Jim'."
Leonard seemingly ignored James as he continued to rant about the evils of calamari.
"Tentacles, Jim, they're made from tentacles," he informed his husband, "and they come from squids with a fondness for tentacle-raping people."
"But then I'd figure you'd be happy to have calamari, Bones, especially since that would mean that there are fewer tentacle-raping squids out there to assault you," James pointed out.
"And you'd be wrong, Jim, oh so very wrong," Leonard replied, "because calamari is their secret weapon."
"Secret weapon?" James asked.
Leonard nodded vigorously.
"They use calamari to tentacle-rape you from the inside, Jim."
"Okay then," James said, thoroughly convinced that his husband had managed to lose his mind some how.
"You don't believe me, Jim," the healer remarked, "why don't you believe me?"
"Because you sound insane, Bones, that's why," James replied sincerely.
"Dammit, Jim, I'm the one who was tentacle-raped, why should I have to be reminded of that on my wedding day?" Leonard growled.
"Oh yeah...I didn't think of that," James admitted.
The healer rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything more on the subject, much to his husband's relief.
~*~
That evening, James and Leonard entered the Kirk family home--their home--for the first time as a (happily) married couple.
"Where's Winona?" Leonard asked James as soon as they had crossed the threshold.
"With Christopher," James replied, "and don't worry, they won't get up to anything I want to know about."
Leonard grinned.
"And what about us?" he asked.
"What do you mean?" James asked, confused.
"What are we going to be getting up to, Jim?" Leonard purred, pulling James towards him as he spoke.
"Oh," James said, realization dawning at last as he wrapped his arms around the healer, "what do you want to do?"
Leonard nipped at James' neck.
"I have a few ideas, Jim," he muttered into his husband's collarbone, "let's get into bed and get started on 'em, eh?"
"Bet I can beat you to the bed, old man," James challenged.
"Who are you calling old man?" Leonard retorted, "and you are so going to lose."
They raced down the hallway, towards the main bedroom. Leonard jumped on top of James just as the younger hobbit reached the doorway.
"No fair!" whined James, but Leonard ignored his complaint.
"Onwards, my trusty steed!" he cried out instead, "we go in search of sexual pleasure!"
James laughed as he carried Leonard over to the bed.
"Have we reached our destination yet?" he inquired, indicating the bed.
"I think so, my stallion," Leonard declared, "let me down and I shall see."
James leaned over, to let his husband roll off of his back and onto their wedding bed, but Leonard did not let go. Instead the healer pulled James down with him. James yelped in surprise as Leonard tried to turn him around so that he would be facing the healer.
"Your hands are cold!" he yelped.
"I guess that means you're going to be the one giving me a hand job tonight, huh?" Leonard inquired.
At the mention of sex, James completely forgot about his husband's cold hands. He wriggled his hips side to side as he placed his knees on either side of Leonard's thighs. Placing his hands on the healer's shoulders, James pinned him down to the bed and kissed Leonard passionately. Leonard, of course, responded by jerking his right knee upwards--a contraction of muscles triggered by the endorphins released into the healer's blood stream at the pleasure of the experience of kissing James, his husband.
Unfortunately, James' crotch was in the way of Leonard's knee.
James went down hard on top of the healer, and not in the way Leonard had wanted him to, not by a long shot.
"Dammit, Jim, you're heavy," Leonard growled, "get off so I can get you some ice."
"Ice?" squeaked James, who was still breathless with pain.
"Yeah, ice," Leonard affirmed, "for your bruise that's forming in your privates."
"But I wanna have sex," whined James, "sex with you!"
"It looks like that won't be happening tonight, Jim, sorry," the healer replied, "I'll need to check your genitals, to make sure I didn't break anything, but I could make it fun for you?"
James perked up at that.
"Are you offering to give me a hand job, Bones?" he asked.
"I'm offering to do doctorly things to you, Jim," Leonard corrected him, getting up from the bed as he spoke.
"Whatever you say, Bones," James replied, clearly unconvinced, "whatever you say."
~*~
By the time Leonard returned to the bed room with an ice pack and a tricorder, James was sitting upright on the bed waiting for him.
"Let's just cuddle the night away, Bones," James declared, "once you've finished checking me out."
Leonard nodded in acknowledgement, though he was only half-listening to his husband as he began scanning James with the tricorder.
"Well, it looks like sex is going to be out of the question for you for the next couple of days," the healer announced.
"Why?"
Leonard prodded James' penis in answer, causing the hobbit to yelp in pain.
"That's why," the healer proclaimed.
"Can't you use a dermal regenerator, Bones?" James begged.
Leonard shook his head.
"Sorry, Jim, but I can't," he replied, "those don't work on penile bruising."
"Is there anything you can do?"
Leonard shook his head again.
"All I can do for you is give you an ice pack, Jim."
"Aw, Bones, you can kiss me better."
Leonard smiled at the suggestion, sending pleasant chills up James spine. Then the healer lunged at his husband, pinning the other hobbit down on the bed under his weight. The bed creaked as Leonard's lips met James', the healer's tongue pressing against the hobbit captain's teeth. James moaned into the healer's mouth as the soothing coolness of an ice pack doused the fiery pain of his bruised penis. Leonard broke off the kiss, his lungs burning with the need for oxygen.
"I love you, Bones," James declared, "never leave me."
"Don't worry, Jim, I'll never leave you," Leonard vowed, "no matter what, I'll always be at your side, in spirit if not physically."
"Even when I go on adventures?" James inquired.
"Especially when you go on adventures," the healer was quick to assure him, "someone has to keep you in one piece, and it might as well be me."
"You don't trust M'Benga to take care of me?"
"Hell, Jim, I don't even trust you to take care of yourself," Leonard quipped.
"That's harsh, Bones," James declared, "especially since you were the one who kneed me just now."
"The truth usually is harsh, Jim," Leonard observed, "and if you weren't such a damned fine kisser, you never would have gotten kneed."
"I'll just tie your feet down the next time I want to top, huh?" James wondered aloud.
Leonard thought of tentacles wrapped around his body, restraining him, and shivered.
"Are you cold, Bones?" James asked, worried.
"There's an ice pack on your--" Leonard began, before cutting himself off with a sigh.
"Bones?"
"Nothing, Jim, I'm just tired," the healer insisted, but James was able to see right through him.
"You're lying, Bones," he said with a frown, "why are you lying to me?"
"I just don't like the idea of being restrained, Jim," Leonard admitted.
"This have anything to do with what the Watcher did to you?" the younger hobbit asked.
Leonard wordlessly nodded.
"I guess that would also explain your rant about calamari earlier," James remarked softly.
"Yeah, I did go kinda overboard, didn't I?" Leonard asked sheepishly.
"A little bit, yeah," James agreed, "but I still love you, Bones."
"I love you too, Jim."
~the end~
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