Tips Like a Yank
Title: Tips Like a Yank
Media: Sherlock Holmes
Pairings/Characters: Robert Downey Junior, Jude Law, Guy Ritchie, OC (Colin the bartender)
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The bartender is the only guy in this ficlet I own, unfortunately. As far as I know, this never happened.
Warnings: Alcohol (ab)use, Slash
Summary: RDJ gets Jude drunk. Hilarity ensues.
Author's Notes: Written in response to the following prompt on hrpf_kinky: "RDJ & Jude seducing Guy. Preferablly at the PunchBowl during something that isn`t a Lockout (those are illegal) but exactly like it. :D". This is the monster that resulted.
"How many drinks has Mister Law had, Colin?" Guy asked the bartender.
"Five tha's 'e's asked fer," Colin replied without a moment's thought (Guy had hired the Londoner in part for his ability to remember things). "Though 'is friend either prefers 'im sloshed or else is beatin' 'im terribly at some sort o' twisted drinkin' game."
"Friend?" Guy asked in surprise. The only person Jude hung out with off set was sleeping off a migraine in his hotel room.
Colin nodded.
"'E tips loik a Yank, though 'e speaks loik a Brit," the man remarked, as he indicated a table off in the furthest, darkest corner of the bar.
Guy sighed in exasperation as he recognized Jude's companion.
Wondering whether the man actually liked being in pain, the director strode over to the pair.
"Oh, hi, Guy, we were just talking 'bout you," Jude drunkenly greeted him, earning a scowl from Robert.
"You were?" Guy asked, so surprised by this revelation that he was unable to think of anything better to say.
"Jude thinks you're cuter than me," Robert declared with the air of a man about to die a terrible, unavoidable death.
"I think you're both equally cute," Jude corrected.
"I am Iron Man, I can't possibly be cute," Robert objected.
Jude disagreed with Robert's claim that he was Iron Man, much to Guy's amusement (and Robert's annoyance), insisting that he was Sherlock Holmes, and that there was no way he could be both Iron Man and Sherlock Holmes.
"Well, I'm sure there's a fan writer out there able and willing to make that happen," Robert replied.
"There's probably furry sex between me, you, and Guy out there on the internet," Jude observed, as he leaned closer to Guy.
Guy was used to having his personal space invaded in this manner by Jude (and by Robert, who had absolutely no concept of 'personal space', period), though this time was different.
For one thing, Jude was nuzzling his shoulder, soaking his jacket with saliva. For another, Robert was glaring so fiercely at the director that he was certain that he would inexplicably burst into flames from the other man's glare alone.
And then Jude started licking him...
Media: Sherlock Holmes
Pairings/Characters: Robert Downey Junior, Jude Law, Guy Ritchie, OC (Colin the bartender)
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The bartender is the only guy in this ficlet I own, unfortunately. As far as I know, this never happened.
Warnings: Alcohol (ab)use, Slash
Summary: RDJ gets Jude drunk. Hilarity ensues.
Author's Notes: Written in response to the following prompt on hrpf_kinky: "RDJ & Jude seducing Guy. Preferablly at the PunchBowl during something that isn`t a Lockout (those are illegal) but exactly like it. :D". This is the monster that resulted.
"How many drinks has Mister Law had, Colin?" Guy asked the bartender.
"Five tha's 'e's asked fer," Colin replied without a moment's thought (Guy had hired the Londoner in part for his ability to remember things). "Though 'is friend either prefers 'im sloshed or else is beatin' 'im terribly at some sort o' twisted drinkin' game."
"Friend?" Guy asked in surprise. The only person Jude hung out with off set was sleeping off a migraine in his hotel room.
Colin nodded.
"'E tips loik a Yank, though 'e speaks loik a Brit," the man remarked, as he indicated a table off in the furthest, darkest corner of the bar.
Guy sighed in exasperation as he recognized Jude's companion.
Wondering whether the man actually liked being in pain, the director strode over to the pair.
"Oh, hi, Guy, we were just talking 'bout you," Jude drunkenly greeted him, earning a scowl from Robert.
"You were?" Guy asked, so surprised by this revelation that he was unable to think of anything better to say.
"Jude thinks you're cuter than me," Robert declared with the air of a man about to die a terrible, unavoidable death.
"I think you're both equally cute," Jude corrected.
"I am Iron Man, I can't possibly be cute," Robert objected.
Jude disagreed with Robert's claim that he was Iron Man, much to Guy's amusement (and Robert's annoyance), insisting that he was Sherlock Holmes, and that there was no way he could be both Iron Man and Sherlock Holmes.
"Well, I'm sure there's a fan writer out there able and willing to make that happen," Robert replied.
"There's probably furry sex between me, you, and Guy out there on the internet," Jude observed, as he leaned closer to Guy.
Guy was used to having his personal space invaded in this manner by Jude (and by Robert, who had absolutely no concept of 'personal space', period), though this time was different.
For one thing, Jude was nuzzling his shoulder, soaking his jacket with saliva. For another, Robert was glaring so fiercely at the director that he was certain that he would inexplicably burst into flames from the other man's glare alone.
And then Jude started licking him...