life as i know, as told by _this
i don't drink nearly as much as i used. i don't go out to clubs or bars everynite, i don't do the random make outs anymore.
i thought i had control of my life by not hitting the bottles as i did before...
but now, i feel so fucking lost and confused. i thought i was doing myself a favor, ya know.
i'll drink like maybe once a week, and its not even like the old ways of drink drank pissed drunk - i have no clue what happened that nite, right.
well, saturday nite i drank myself forgetfulness again. no clue what happened. i went to Yaga's for a reggea show [Dreadneck who is far wonderful] [Lawd, Travis Barker is hot] anyhow i wasn't going to drink bc someone was gonna come up there and he doesn't drink and i didn't want it to be weird, bc it just is...but he didn't end up coming out so i drank beer and tequila - me + tequila = forget. for some reason i cannot handle tequila, sick as it is, but i'll do a shot still - whatever, so all throughout the nite, and even before galveston, =my weakness calls. Nathan.
throws my life off completely...probably why i drank.
anyhow Stephen texted around one as usual...he came down to ashleys.
whatever i don't even remember the nite to keep talking about it...
wait, i do recall noticing some euro boys walking up, one of em was hot and sure enough they were from Italy :) i got to speak the italian with them!!!!!!
* * *so what the hell is going on.
am i unhappy?
i think i am - which is odd...usually i'm so solid and so on, but i'm so weak right now. maybe it's this whole semester off thing. not the new job, the jobs great, so are the kids and personas that work there. so it's not that.
(1)i feel so weird admitting it, but i think it's guys.
i mean let's see. the one guy who swept me off my feet in a long ass time is moving back to Germany come December - coming SOON :( i've tried to distance myself from him to prepare for it, bc i seriously before could not be without him. maybe it's this nonclosure part with it, but there doesn't have to be closure bc he's coming back in May. Keelan comes back too, which is a whole other thing.
but i don't think it's that.
(2)maybe the rain. i thrive on sunshine and i haven't seen it but one morning i went surfing this past week, wednesday was it? i dunno, or tuesday - that's the last time i saw the sunshine - far too long.
(3)i know why i'm unhappy - and i hate to give the credit to one guy...or a guy period.
whatever, i'm pretty sure...it's him. he gave me butterflies for unexplained reasons...and now..._this!
my best friend Jessica graduates this semester and shes coming home and will possibly be staying with me in houston - which is a wonderful thing...she's been at ole miss far too long. Lisa [my other best friend] will be home for Christmas, so it'll be the three of us again, and that helps. Theyre so my girls for life and our friendship is so strong reguardles of how we don't keep in touch. We got eachother out of bad shyt even being thousands of miles apart. fo' life.
whatever. i guess it's long islands, bars, clubs, shots, meeting complete stranger guys, and giving them my number.
=maybe that's my life...?
oh and Kevin will be in town for Thanksgiving. that's always fun.
haha i haven't gotten laid this month, maybe that's it, hoe.
Nathan is a whole other book. He's not even the one mentioned in number (3)
the day he's not in my heart is the day it stops its beat.
you never stop loving the one's you truely loved. him.
i want to live in Laguna Beach, maybe i'll move there instead of Hermosa...crikey, i'll go back to school so i can graduate and move from this fucking town that brings me down, thank you Less Than Jake.
...but if i can hold out till this summer, my Irish boys and Steffen will be back and things will be merry again like they were this past summer...for sure.
screw me for this one but,
i thought i had control of my life by not hitting the bottles as i did before...
but now, i feel so fucking lost and confused. i thought i was doing myself a favor, ya know.
i'll drink like maybe once a week, and its not even like the old ways of drink drank pissed drunk - i have no clue what happened that nite, right.
well, saturday nite i drank myself forgetfulness again. no clue what happened. i went to Yaga's for a reggea show [Dreadneck who is far wonderful] [Lawd, Travis Barker is hot] anyhow i wasn't going to drink bc someone was gonna come up there and he doesn't drink and i didn't want it to be weird, bc it just is...but he didn't end up coming out so i drank beer and tequila - me + tequila = forget. for some reason i cannot handle tequila, sick as it is, but i'll do a shot still - whatever, so all throughout the nite, and even before galveston, =my weakness calls. Nathan.
throws my life off completely...probably why i drank.
anyhow Stephen texted around one as usual...he came down to ashleys.
whatever i don't even remember the nite to keep talking about it...
wait, i do recall noticing some euro boys walking up, one of em was hot and sure enough they were from Italy :) i got to speak the italian with them!!!!!!
* * *so what the hell is going on.
am i unhappy?
i think i am - which is odd...usually i'm so solid and so on, but i'm so weak right now. maybe it's this whole semester off thing. not the new job, the jobs great, so are the kids and personas that work there. so it's not that.
(1)i feel so weird admitting it, but i think it's guys.
i mean let's see. the one guy who swept me off my feet in a long ass time is moving back to Germany come December - coming SOON :( i've tried to distance myself from him to prepare for it, bc i seriously before could not be without him. maybe it's this nonclosure part with it, but there doesn't have to be closure bc he's coming back in May. Keelan comes back too, which is a whole other thing.
but i don't think it's that.
(2)maybe the rain. i thrive on sunshine and i haven't seen it but one morning i went surfing this past week, wednesday was it? i dunno, or tuesday - that's the last time i saw the sunshine - far too long.
(3)i know why i'm unhappy - and i hate to give the credit to one guy...or a guy period.
whatever, i'm pretty sure...it's him. he gave me butterflies for unexplained reasons...and now..._this!
my best friend Jessica graduates this semester and shes coming home and will possibly be staying with me in houston - which is a wonderful thing...she's been at ole miss far too long. Lisa [my other best friend] will be home for Christmas, so it'll be the three of us again, and that helps. Theyre so my girls for life and our friendship is so strong reguardles of how we don't keep in touch. We got eachother out of bad shyt even being thousands of miles apart. fo' life.
whatever. i guess it's long islands, bars, clubs, shots, meeting complete stranger guys, and giving them my number.
=maybe that's my life...?
oh and Kevin will be in town for Thanksgiving. that's always fun.
haha i haven't gotten laid this month, maybe that's it, hoe.
Nathan is a whole other book. He's not even the one mentioned in number (3)
the day he's not in my heart is the day it stops its beat.
you never stop loving the one's you truely loved. him.
i want to live in Laguna Beach, maybe i'll move there instead of Hermosa...crikey, i'll go back to school so i can graduate and move from this fucking town that brings me down, thank you Less Than Jake.
...but if i can hold out till this summer, my Irish boys and Steffen will be back and things will be merry again like they were this past summer...for sure.
screw me for this one but,