i'm rarely upset
So a lot of shyt is going on.
on top of the stupid scratch on a honda element's bumper which is by all means the LEAST of my worries [obviously, bc i stopped answering my phone] i have a lot of shyt going on and a lot of things i want.
=i wish i could control the feelings i have for him and just get over him. but i can't i'm trying, but i can't. he's so fucking awesome. so fucking awesome...and i can't have him - she has him. o;usadhfkusdhfkluashdkjlsahd and ya know its hard, bc - i care about him, too. rargh.
=i wish i could care for Mirko the way i used to, and go to Rome to study abroad...but i just don't want to. and i can't care for him bc i feel like i hate him now. i mean i'd still like to go to Rome and study abroad yes, but being there would remind me of him and i feel like he's my enemy!
=i want Nathan and i to be fucking civil and quit being childish. we broke up in may. we don't have to break down everytime we hang out, bc the only thing that happens after that is we stop talking for months. which ultimately kills me bc he's all i have. still, Nathan you're the only comfort zone i've got, and i'm FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE AND I NEED YOUR EYES TO LOOK INTO FOR REASSURANCE THAT I AM FUCKING OK. i talked to him on the phone this past saturday and it ended as always, me in tears bc all he does is yell at me to quit fucking up. AND I'M NOT THE ONE FUCKING UP!!!!
=i'd like for my so-called "friends" to fuckin embrace me and except the fact that I'M DIFFERENT. I'M NOT PLAIN, I'M NOT ORDINARY, I HAVE PIZAZZ and i'm not afraid to let my guard down and be my fucking self. you know you are too, so quit jumping the bandwagon and ridiculing me then turn around pull me aside and tell me you really do like me that i'm just fun to make of. FUCK THAT. what are you gonna do when i'm gone?! BC I'M LEAVING.
=i think...i'm contemplating transferring. i think i need to get out of Houston maybe...get away from all this crap. i just don't want to lose credits. i want to graduate and leave the drama department here and all its stupid unnecessary drama that goes along with it. QUIT TRYING TO PLAY GOD. let people do what they want. geez.
=i want to study abroad in London for spring and then end up living with Andrew and his friends for the summer, and decide if thats ultimately where i belong.
=i want to go to Nashville and see if mine and Chris' already amazing connection is really something.
=but then again i don't want to leave houston.
=ok so zip up to 4 hours later and i spoke to Mirko all day...i'm so fucking annoyed with him. he almost had to get married to his 'girl' bc they thought she was pregnant. ya know thats fucked up...whats with all this marriage shyt anyways. i dunno, i don't really care...it's his life and he knows quite well his surfing career is over if she gets knocked up. fuckin a ya know. if i was in his place i wouldnt let a girl hold me back from going big. and on the other hand it was kinda like a few months ago...he wants me to come to Rome, but i dont know. he still says theres us but i dont know. what about his effin nearly knocked up girlfriend. this is all such bullshyt. i should sever the ties.
=i want to hang out with brian. i want to play with our dogs in a park and then go shopping.
=i want to know that Derek is ok, alive, and well. he's my other comfort zone. Derek can know wth is going on with me without talking to me for months. we're telepathic soulmates. geez i hope he's ok...i haven't heard from him or seen him in so long!
=and i just got off the phone with Nathan. and once again in tears. we both know how this can be resolved. ugh. he also proceeds to tell me that he doesn't think i'll live in Europe. I told him that if i go i won't go back and he said he knows i'll come back...fuck that, he thinks he knows me. well, ok he does. but bs, i could do it. I HAVE PASSION.
=i want to be able to say "He likes me for me."
*************************************
and on a lighter note, i've always had rather awesome names for when it comes to naming kids...the following names are copyrighted and reserved for my twins [bc thats what i'm having, they run in my family and skip a generation and that leaves it to me, bc all of my cousins are done with having kids, i'm the lucky one!!! they're going to be tan and have blue or green eyes - i've decided. their father will have either blue or green eyes. so the following names are:
Sinjin - Lakai - Kai - Keoni - Harley - Brooklyn - Manhattan - London - Kenner - Canton - Evers - Everton - Akaya - ALoha - Preston - Storie - Addison - Dylan - Patrick - Trixie - Akson or Axon - Atalia - Brixton - Braxton - Baxter - Sydney - Stanton - Aiden - Tyronon [tear-run-in] - Maxius [max-ee-us] - Tice [aww i miss him] - Kieron - Jenson - Emory - Merrick - Airy - and thats it for now.
-errr but brown eyes are pretty, too...hmmmmm!
& heres to country musik, bud light, and Storie Lakai Whitsett ::cheers::
on top of the stupid scratch on a honda element's bumper which is by all means the LEAST of my worries [obviously, bc i stopped answering my phone] i have a lot of shyt going on and a lot of things i want.
=i wish i could control the feelings i have for him and just get over him. but i can't i'm trying, but i can't. he's so fucking awesome. so fucking awesome...and i can't have him - she has him. o;usadhfkusdhfkluashdkjlsahd and ya know its hard, bc - i care about him, too. rargh.
=i wish i could care for Mirko the way i used to, and go to Rome to study abroad...but i just don't want to. and i can't care for him bc i feel like i hate him now. i mean i'd still like to go to Rome and study abroad yes, but being there would remind me of him and i feel like he's my enemy!
=i want Nathan and i to be fucking civil and quit being childish. we broke up in may. we don't have to break down everytime we hang out, bc the only thing that happens after that is we stop talking for months. which ultimately kills me bc he's all i have. still, Nathan you're the only comfort zone i've got, and i'm FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE AND I NEED YOUR EYES TO LOOK INTO FOR REASSURANCE THAT I AM FUCKING OK. i talked to him on the phone this past saturday and it ended as always, me in tears bc all he does is yell at me to quit fucking up. AND I'M NOT THE ONE FUCKING UP!!!!
=i'd like for my so-called "friends" to fuckin embrace me and except the fact that I'M DIFFERENT. I'M NOT PLAIN, I'M NOT ORDINARY, I HAVE PIZAZZ and i'm not afraid to let my guard down and be my fucking self. you know you are too, so quit jumping the bandwagon and ridiculing me then turn around pull me aside and tell me you really do like me that i'm just fun to make of. FUCK THAT. what are you gonna do when i'm gone?! BC I'M LEAVING.
=i think...i'm contemplating transferring. i think i need to get out of Houston maybe...get away from all this crap. i just don't want to lose credits. i want to graduate and leave the drama department here and all its stupid unnecessary drama that goes along with it. QUIT TRYING TO PLAY GOD. let people do what they want. geez.
=i want to study abroad in London for spring and then end up living with Andrew and his friends for the summer, and decide if thats ultimately where i belong.
=i want to go to Nashville and see if mine and Chris' already amazing connection is really something.
=but then again i don't want to leave houston.
=ok so zip up to 4 hours later and i spoke to Mirko all day...i'm so fucking annoyed with him. he almost had to get married to his 'girl' bc they thought she was pregnant. ya know thats fucked up...whats with all this marriage shyt anyways. i dunno, i don't really care...it's his life and he knows quite well his surfing career is over if she gets knocked up. fuckin a ya know. if i was in his place i wouldnt let a girl hold me back from going big. and on the other hand it was kinda like a few months ago...he wants me to come to Rome, but i dont know. he still says theres us but i dont know. what about his effin nearly knocked up girlfriend. this is all such bullshyt. i should sever the ties.
=i want to hang out with brian. i want to play with our dogs in a park and then go shopping.
=i want to know that Derek is ok, alive, and well. he's my other comfort zone. Derek can know wth is going on with me without talking to me for months. we're telepathic soulmates. geez i hope he's ok...i haven't heard from him or seen him in so long!
=and i just got off the phone with Nathan. and once again in tears. we both know how this can be resolved. ugh. he also proceeds to tell me that he doesn't think i'll live in Europe. I told him that if i go i won't go back and he said he knows i'll come back...fuck that, he thinks he knows me. well, ok he does. but bs, i could do it. I HAVE PASSION.
=i want to be able to say "He likes me for me."
*************************************
and on a lighter note, i've always had rather awesome names for when it comes to naming kids...the following names are copyrighted and reserved for my twins [bc thats what i'm having, they run in my family and skip a generation and that leaves it to me, bc all of my cousins are done with having kids, i'm the lucky one!!! they're going to be tan and have blue or green eyes - i've decided. their father will have either blue or green eyes. so the following names are:
Sinjin - Lakai - Kai - Keoni - Harley - Brooklyn - Manhattan - London - Kenner - Canton - Evers - Everton - Akaya - ALoha - Preston - Storie - Addison - Dylan - Patrick - Trixie - Akson or Axon - Atalia - Brixton - Braxton - Baxter - Sydney - Stanton - Aiden - Tyronon [tear-run-in] - Maxius [max-ee-us] - Tice [aww i miss him] - Kieron - Jenson - Emory - Merrick - Airy - and thats it for now.
-errr but brown eyes are pretty, too...hmmmmm!
& heres to country musik, bud light, and Storie Lakai Whitsett ::cheers::