Fic: Talents That Can't Be Put On a Resume (Quinn/Rachel) - Chapter 1
Title: Talents That Can't Be Put On a Resume
Chapter 1: Blast from the Past
Fandom: Glee
Warning: Girl
on girl romance, violence and character death (but the character death happens before the story), and this fic might never be updates.
Pairing: Quinn/Rachel
Rating: PG-13 for now
Word: 3899 for this chapter, 8876 overall
Summary: AU after Sectionals. At age 27, Quinn Fabray Hudson is a mother and a widow. She's also Dianna Agronskia, one of the most lucrative hitman in Chicago. But, leading a double life isn't that hard...well, unless you run into Rachel Berry.
UNBETA-ED!!! You have been warned. If you want to volunteer for beta duty, please do so. But thanks to novak_fan who helped me with characterization :)
Disclaimer: I do not in any way own Glee.
Previous Chapter: Prologue
BTW, the characterization maybe a little weird in this chapter.
Chapter 1: Blast From the Past
22nd September 2021, 02:32am
“What are you doing here?” Rachel asked as she took Quinn’s arm and tried to steady her. It was a nice gesture but Quinn really wasn’t in the mood.
“Trying to leave” she answered coldly as she continued to push her way out of the club. Rachel, being Rachel, didn’t take the hint and continued to follow her like the annoying puppy she’s always been.
Whoever said fame changes people obviously never met Rachel Berry, Quinn thought as she continued her attempt at ignoring the shorter girl.
It wasn’t working.
“Why did you come here in the first place?” She continued to ask. “Does Puck know you’re here? What about Drizzle? Did you get a babysitter? Cause I know Puck’s a bartender now so someone has to be watching her and...” The music muffled most of Rachel’s words but they were close enough to the exit now that Quinn could still hear her and she couldn’t take it anymore.
“None of your business Man Hands!” She shouted at the other girl and shook free from her warm touch before walking out the door. It’s been so long since she called Rachel that. They had been sort of friends for a while after all and it was a ridiculous insult anyway. Rachel’s hands were nothing like a man’s. In fact they were quite nice.
It’s her voice that seemed to be the problem for Quinn. She had no idea how someone who could sing so beautifully could annoy her so badly with that voice.
There was silence now though and something like guilt settled in the pit of her stomach. The irony of the situation didn’t escape her. Oh well, at least she can still feel guilt, even if it wasn’t over the dead man sitting in a pool of blood upstairs.
“Listen I-“
“I’m going to chock your previous comment up to you being too drunk to think straight” Rachel cut her off.
God! She couldn’t even get a word in to apologize with this girl! Quinn was suddenly reminded of why Rachel was so painfully unpopular in high school.
“So how are getting home?” Rachel asked, once again taking in Quinn’s (faux) drunk state. “Isn’t your house hours from here?”
“Yeah, I was actually gonna crash at a motel around here. I don’t want to accidentally wake anyone and you know how great my motor skills are at the moment. Also I don’t really want my daughter to see me like this,” she said, looking at the floor in what she knows will be interpreted as shame.
It wasn’t a complete lie. She really doesn’t want to wake anyone up or let her daughter see her like this. She had of course been planning to stay at the apartment she kept not too far from here. Well, the apartment ‘Dianna’ kept anyway. It was a base of operations where she kept her disguises and weapons. She often stayed there after a job. It was safer since if she was ever followed (not that she wouldn’t notice and kill them all first but it never hurts to be too careful) she wouldn’t lead them right to her family.
Plus it felt wrong somehow to go home to her daughter right after a fresh kill.
“No way!” Rachel exclaimed ruining Quinn’s chances at having her usual post-kill routine. “I can’t let you do that Quinn! Do you know how dangerous that is?”
Quinn sighed and held her head in her hands. What the hell happened? Tonight was supposed to be an easy job. In and out, no fuss, no muss and then Rachel had to be here.
“So what do you suppose I do mother?” Quinn replied with a wry smile. Rachel ignored the sarcasm in her voice completely.
“I know! You’ll stay with me tonight.”
“Excuse me?” Quinn asked, like she didn’t quite believe her ears.
“You’ll stay with me. I’ll call the chauffeur and he can take us back to my apartment. Then tomorrow I can take you home to your family. I won’t take no for an answer.”
Quinn didn’t have trouble believing that last part.
“Fine,” she said eventually. She didn’t have to look at a watch to know that ‘the time to flee the scene of the crime’ was five minutes ago.
“But one condition: no more questions.”
***
The walls came up along with the silence the moment Quinn got into Rachel’s car. At first Quinn thought it might have been due to her ‘no questions’ rule and Rachel was biting her tongue just wanting to burst with that old annoying Rachel-ness that used to make her so painfully unpopular during her teen years, but after a couple of minutes into the ride, she could tell that wasn’t it.
It was in the way Rachel held herself. Not like a child twitching in her seat, desperate to ask “Are we there yet?” just after being told not to, no, this Rachel was different from that. She held her back straight, but dark eyes downcast and almost hidden. Gone was the bright ball of energy she saw just moments before and in its place a woman who’s both painfully familiar and a total stranger.
And still, neither of them spoke. They didn’t have to.
It seemed the years past had finally caught up to them. Rachel’s puppy dog enthusiasm and Quinn’s childish defensiveness was only a futile effort at avoiding the inevitable. Without that in between, high school faded away and the years of pain and disappointment seeped in, filling the silent space between them.
The dark silence was still there by the time they got to Rachel’s apartment.
Quinn thinks the heaviness of the atmosphere between them clashed with the brightness of the décor. White and silver with splashes of a cheerful shade of green, it was both everything she expected Rachel’s place to be like and not. Gone was the overly girly, almost cartoonish combination of colours and furniture from her old room back in Lima; replaced instead with a style that holds a certain subtlety. The white and silver gave everything the impression of cleanliness and order, and yet the splashes of colour, the shapes of the furniture, all of it added a sense of whimsicalness that was pure Rachel Berry.
She sat herself down on the couch facing the window and the glittering metropolis outside. She was the first to break the silence.
“I take it back. You can ask questions if you want,” she said. She knows some of those questions might not be east to answer, but she’s sure she’s had worst before. And anything was better than this.
Rachel just stood there for a while, still not looking at Quinn. Eventually she said softly.
“How are you?”
Quinn’s eyebrows rose. She stared at the shorter girl for a while before breaking into laughter.
“That’s it? After all that THAT’S the question you chose to ask me?”
Rachel cracked a smile and shrug, the thick awkwardness in the air, slowly dissipating.
“It’s a cliché question but an effective one,” Rachel defended. “It covers a wide ground and it’s vague enough that you can just choose to tell me whatever you want to tell me without me coming off as overly intrusive.”
Quinn’s smile brightened. “I never knew you could be so calculating Berry. And where was this thoughtfulness when you were hounding me at the club?”
Rachel blushed slightly.
“I don’t know, I just... You were pretty out of it at the club and I was about to leave and I was just worried and I didn’t want you to leave and...” there was a pause in her sentence and just like that, the ice that had melted only moments ago became frozen again.
“I haven’t seen you since…” Rachel couldn’t finish the sentence.
“Since Finn’s funeral,” Quinn finished it for her. “It’s ok Rachel. I’m not going to break if you mention it. It has been four years.”
Rachel gave her a look like she was trying to gage how much of that was true. “Well, no one would know that would they? After the funeral, you fell off the grid. And then, when you came back you still didn’t talk to anyone. I mean, we weren’t all together like we were in high school anymore, but after what happened, a lot of us wanted to help you. A lot of us tried to help you but you were just gone every time anyone of us comes near. If it weren’t for Puck and Kurt none of us would even know that you’re still alive.”
“So what, I have to report my every movement to the former members of Glee Club now?” Quinn’s voice hardened.
“No, that’s not what I meant. It’s just…We used to be a team. And even if it’s been over 10 years we still care about you Quinn.”
Rachel placed a hand on Quinn’s shoulder, dark eyes shining with the same sincerity she’s always had. She was so different from her, Quinn thought to herself as she shrugged it off. She didn’t need to be comforted, and she didn’t need Rachel’s sympathy.
“I’m not wasting away after my dead husband if that’s what you were worried about.”
-
Rachel still wouldn’t budge.
“So what’s this about?” she asked, gesturing to Quinn’s disheveled state. She was tempted to tell her nosy former classmate that it was “part of her job”.
“A girl can’t unwind every once in a while?” she retorted instead. “It’s not like I do this every night Berry. I do have a daughter to think of.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply -“
“It’s ok,” Quinn cut her off. She should have expected this to happen. She did pretty much cut off all contacts with her old friends. Seemed like the easier thing to do at the time but then she never really prepared for what would happen if she ever met any of them again, how she should act around them. Most people don’t plan these things of course, most just let it all unfold by itself but she couldn’t afford that. It was too unpredictable; she doesn’t need people worrying about her and getting close to her. Letting anyone look too closely into her daily activities could potentially be very risky.
“So, do you have anything I could borrow?” she changed the subject. “And maybe some pillows and a blanket.”
“Oh right, of course,” Rachel replied before rushing off to what Quinn assumes is her bedroom. She came back a few minutes later.
“This ok?” she said as she showed her the simple silk nightgown.
Quinn couldn’t help but smile. There were stars on it.
“Guess some things don’t change,” she says with more unguarded fondness than she should have. She took the dress from her and idly, she wondered if Rachel still put gold stars next to her name. It would seem impractical now that she has give autographs to people, but then it’s always been a very impractical thing to do. She hasn’t been keeping much track of the world of glitz and glamour, but with her daughter being one of Rachel’s “no. 1 fan” and talking about her almost 24/7, she knows a lot more about the other girl’s acting career than she otherwise would have.
Rachel got her first solo acting gig in her senior year of high school. A guest star spot on some cop show she couldn’t remember the name of. It was a small part but Quinn still remembered because Rachel was going on about it non-stop when she and Finn came over after school. Quinn and Puck had both dropped out of school by then to raise Drizzle in a small crappy apartment they’d managed to get together. They were initially going to stay at Puck’s but after Puck told his mother they got into a huge fight that ended with Puck claiming that he wasn’t his father and determined to prove that he could provide for his little girl.
In the end, none of them could let their little girl go, not her, or Puck; not even Finn.
Finn had forgiven her and Puck eventually. Knowing that Drizzle wasn’t his didn’t stop him from loving her or wanting to be a part of her life. He wasn’t in love with Quinn anymore, but he still came to love her as the mother of his child, and Puck as the other father as well. The four of them were a family, a rather unconventional one but things weren’t bad then, it was still tough since money was hard to come by but at least everything was simple and they were all together.
A lot has changed since then.
In the end both she and Rachel got what they wanted. She got to be something other than a Lima loser and Rachel got to be famous; at least for a little while. Ain’t life grand?
“You know, I’m surprised you’re still in Chicago,” Quinn started once she came out of the bathroom, her old clothes bundled up in her hands. “I thought you’d have gone back to LA by now.”
“So you have been following my career,” the brunette replied demurely, she was now wearing a fur-lined orange robe reminiscent of 1930’s starlets and upon noticing Quinn’s stare, struck a pose near a vanity mirror. Quinn giggled; something she hasn’t done for real in a very long time. She wondered if Rachel only put on outfits like that when she had someone to show off to or if she does it when she’s alone as well. Somehow Rachel seemed like the type who’d put on a fancy night gown with matching robe and full make up just to walk out to her balcony and angst. At 15 Quinn would have found that ridiculous, but right now, she couldn’t think of anything cuter.
Maybe she missed the other girl a lot more than she realized.
“My manager keeps telling me to go back.” Rachel finally answered. “Ever since my show got canceled he’s been pushing me to get out more, said I needed more publicity, publicity that I would get there more than I would here but, well... To be honest I don’t really like it there much.”
Something in Rachel’s voice told her there was more to the story than that, but Quinn didn’t push. She had never been the type to, unlike Rachel herself. If Rachel wanted to avoid the topic, then she’d gladly help.
“So, pillows and a blanket?” Quinn asked again, effectively changing the subject.
“Right, umm, I was actually thinking maybe you should take the bed. I mean, you are my guest.”
Quinn gave the brunette a look. So they were starting this game now. She hasn’t done this, ‘I’m nicer than you; no I’m nicer’ routine since she was living with her parents. Part of her was tempted to take Rachel up on her offer, but somehow she couldn’t.
“I can’t,” she said instead. “And don’t tell me you insist, Berry, I know the whole script. I’m not driving you out of your own bed.”
“Why not?” Rachel asked sounding oddly shy. “I did pretty much drag you here.”
“True... But I’m still not driving you out of your own bed,” Quinn gave the girl another smile. She’s been doing that a lot tonight.
“Alright,” Rachel finally gave in. “It’s a big bed, I guess we can share. It’ll be like the slumber party we never had.”
“Right. And I promise not to have my wicked way with you while you’re asleep.”
Quinn wasn’t sure where that last sentence came from, but it was out of her mouth before she could give it a second thought. Before she could retract, she was rewarded with a charming blush on tanned cheeks. She wondered if there was anything that could make her blush like that anymore. There was a time in her life when she was innocent, she’s sure, but for the life of her, she couldn’t seem to remember what that felt like.
Rachel must have choked her previous comment up to Quinn still being slightly drunk, but she didn’t comment. Instead, moments after Quinn got on the bed and pulled the blanket up; she felt it dip slightly on her left. Though the bed was big enough for the both of them without either one of them touching, she still felt Rachel’s warmth radiating next to her and resisted the urge to nudge closer.
It’s been a while since Quinn shared a bed with anyone, even her daughter goes to Puck now when she has nightmares.
The soft sound of Rachel’s breathing steadied next to her. She closed her eyes and after a while, followed her into dreams, unaware that as the night wore on, her body rolled closer and closer to warmth that she won’t admit she missed so much.
***
6th October 2017
Quinn watched as Finn gave his daughter a soft kiss goodbye on the forehead, her lips set in a thin line as he heard him tell her, “everything’s gonna be ok sweetie.”
Their daughter was spending the night with Puck at her grandmother’s tonight, and once the car was out of the driveway Quinn gave Finn a harsh look. She wasn’t sure if she disproved or not; him lying to their daughter like that. She’s never been the type of parent who was keen on sugar coating things, she knows the truth can be cruel, especially to someone so young but she got enough of the sugar coated poison from her own parents to last a life time. She swore to herself a long time ago that she wasn’t going to be like them, the Stepford housewife, constantly smiling, letting her resentment for her husband come off in vibes that steal oxygen from the room and pretending everything’s perfect. Shutting her emotions off and pretending her own daughter never noticed how much she hated her life.
No, Quinn was definitely not that type of parent. She was as honest with her little girl as she could be. She knows sometimes that could hurt, but she thought it might be better for her in the long run. At least her daughter would know that she never lied to her and trusted her.
“I’m not lying to her,” Finn tells her, like he’s reading her thoughts, hands coming down on her shoulders, warm and familiar. “I got fired from one job. It’s not the end of the world.”
His voice was soft, and there was a faint smile on his face. She knows he’s trying to be reassuring but it does nothing to calm her nerves.
“I’m not seven, Finn. You don’t need to coddle me,” she said, a lot less cold than she intended. Finn always had a way of melting the ice queen in her, whether she wanted him to or not. “I still can’t believe there’s nothing we can do. I know you didn’t do what they accused you of doing, Finn.”
That she didn’t think he was smart or sneaky enough to pull it off was left unsaid. Finn had never been much of a schemer. Not to mention the fact that Finn had an actual, honest to god, no questions about it, sense of morality. Unlike most people Quinn came across in her life (herself included).
“I know,” Finn said; the defeat evident in his voice. “But we really can’t exactly afford a lawyer right now. At least not one good enough to go up against the company’s corporate lawyer, and you know what they said, they had evidence against me. I don’t know how but apparently it’s enough to get me arrested. They only agreed not to press charges if we agreed to keep everything quiet, and if we fight this with a lawyer and they win, they could have me arrested. I know it’s not fair, but well... if anyone knows about being practical it’s you.”
Quinn just shrugged. She knows Finn’s right this time, but she can’t help the dread that’s curling in her stomach. It hasn’t even been a year yet since they left Lima, since she left that tiny crumbling apartment and all the whispers of people in town, and it looks like she’s already going to have to pack up and go back again. Unless Finn manages to get himself another decent job and quick, there’s no way they could afford to live the way they do in this neighborhood.
“Listen, I know what this house means to you Quinn. I know it’s been hard getting us here but, I promise you, as long as we’re together, we’re going to be okay,” he said before giving her shoulders a reassuring squeeze, brown eyes shining like always. Finn had always been the most hopeful one of the three of them. It was what drew Quinn to him in the first place all those years ago in high school, even if everyone else thought she was only with him because he was captain of the football team.
Quinn didn’t argue further. It was hard to argue when Finn was looking at her like that. Instead she gave him a weak smile and went her separate way.
That night Quinn twisted in her bed unable to sleep with too many thoughts running in her mind. Thoughts about money, and Lima and the inevitable future; they swirled inside her head like poison in a goblet. She thought of the house, of the big couch she’d sat on with her daughter in her lap watching cartoons, she thought of ballet lessons and how much her daughter loved being dressed in pink and the friends she’d made since she got here. She thought of their old apartment, of the stains with questionable origin and thread bare furniture and the looks everyone in town had always given them. Though her daughter never talked about it, she knew that Lima’s prejudices had trickled down to their offspring and that her daughter hadn’t been entirely happy there. She knew because it was the same for all four of them.
And then she thought about Finn; about sweet and kind Finn; the nice one of the three of them. Finn had always been the kind of man she wanted as the father of her child, not that Puck was in any way a bad father but Finn was different from the two of them. Seven years and so much of him still remained that bright eyed puppy he always was.
Finn gave them all hope. Without a doubt, she knew that without him, all their lives would be so much darker.
For a while she let Finn’s words surface despite the protests of her own cynicism. She imagined that everything she wanted wouldn’t crumble to the ground, that they’d somehow make it through just like the oddly indestructible Glee club she’d once been a part of, or that old Avril Lavigne song that they all sang while pretending the song wasn’t just for her.
Even without him next to her, Finn still managed to quiet the voices in her head, and after a while, she finally fell asleep.
It wasn’t until hours later that she heard the crash downstairs.
It was the last time she ever saw Finn.
-----------------------------------
Next Chapter
------------------------------------
Bonus Material
Drawing of Rachel
---------------------------
Chapter 1: Blast from the Past
Fandom: Glee
Warning: Girl
on girl romance, violence and character death (but the character death happens before the story), and this fic might never be updates.
Pairing: Quinn/Rachel
Rating: PG-13 for now
Word: 3899 for this chapter, 8876 overall
Summary: AU after Sectionals. At age 27, Quinn Fabray Hudson is a mother and a widow. She's also Dianna Agronskia, one of the most lucrative hitman in Chicago. But, leading a double life isn't that hard...well, unless you run into Rachel Berry.
UNBETA-ED!!! You have been warned. If you want to volunteer for beta duty, please do so. But thanks to novak_fan who helped me with characterization :)
Disclaimer: I do not in any way own Glee.
Previous Chapter: Prologue
BTW, the characterization maybe a little weird in this chapter.
Chapter 1: Blast From the Past
22nd September 2021, 02:32am
“What are you doing here?” Rachel asked as she took Quinn’s arm and tried to steady her. It was a nice gesture but Quinn really wasn’t in the mood.
“Trying to leave” she answered coldly as she continued to push her way out of the club. Rachel, being Rachel, didn’t take the hint and continued to follow her like the annoying puppy she’s always been.
Whoever said fame changes people obviously never met Rachel Berry, Quinn thought as she continued her attempt at ignoring the shorter girl.
It wasn’t working.
“Why did you come here in the first place?” She continued to ask. “Does Puck know you’re here? What about Drizzle? Did you get a babysitter? Cause I know Puck’s a bartender now so someone has to be watching her and...” The music muffled most of Rachel’s words but they were close enough to the exit now that Quinn could still hear her and she couldn’t take it anymore.
“None of your business Man Hands!” She shouted at the other girl and shook free from her warm touch before walking out the door. It’s been so long since she called Rachel that. They had been sort of friends for a while after all and it was a ridiculous insult anyway. Rachel’s hands were nothing like a man’s. In fact they were quite nice.
It’s her voice that seemed to be the problem for Quinn. She had no idea how someone who could sing so beautifully could annoy her so badly with that voice.
There was silence now though and something like guilt settled in the pit of her stomach. The irony of the situation didn’t escape her. Oh well, at least she can still feel guilt, even if it wasn’t over the dead man sitting in a pool of blood upstairs.
“Listen I-“
“I’m going to chock your previous comment up to you being too drunk to think straight” Rachel cut her off.
God! She couldn’t even get a word in to apologize with this girl! Quinn was suddenly reminded of why Rachel was so painfully unpopular in high school.
“So how are getting home?” Rachel asked, once again taking in Quinn’s (faux) drunk state. “Isn’t your house hours from here?”
“Yeah, I was actually gonna crash at a motel around here. I don’t want to accidentally wake anyone and you know how great my motor skills are at the moment. Also I don’t really want my daughter to see me like this,” she said, looking at the floor in what she knows will be interpreted as shame.
It wasn’t a complete lie. She really doesn’t want to wake anyone up or let her daughter see her like this. She had of course been planning to stay at the apartment she kept not too far from here. Well, the apartment ‘Dianna’ kept anyway. It was a base of operations where she kept her disguises and weapons. She often stayed there after a job. It was safer since if she was ever followed (not that she wouldn’t notice and kill them all first but it never hurts to be too careful) she wouldn’t lead them right to her family.
Plus it felt wrong somehow to go home to her daughter right after a fresh kill.
“No way!” Rachel exclaimed ruining Quinn’s chances at having her usual post-kill routine. “I can’t let you do that Quinn! Do you know how dangerous that is?”
Quinn sighed and held her head in her hands. What the hell happened? Tonight was supposed to be an easy job. In and out, no fuss, no muss and then Rachel had to be here.
“So what do you suppose I do mother?” Quinn replied with a wry smile. Rachel ignored the sarcasm in her voice completely.
“I know! You’ll stay with me tonight.”
“Excuse me?” Quinn asked, like she didn’t quite believe her ears.
“You’ll stay with me. I’ll call the chauffeur and he can take us back to my apartment. Then tomorrow I can take you home to your family. I won’t take no for an answer.”
Quinn didn’t have trouble believing that last part.
“Fine,” she said eventually. She didn’t have to look at a watch to know that ‘the time to flee the scene of the crime’ was five minutes ago.
“But one condition: no more questions.”
***
The walls came up along with the silence the moment Quinn got into Rachel’s car. At first Quinn thought it might have been due to her ‘no questions’ rule and Rachel was biting her tongue just wanting to burst with that old annoying Rachel-ness that used to make her so painfully unpopular during her teen years, but after a couple of minutes into the ride, she could tell that wasn’t it.
It was in the way Rachel held herself. Not like a child twitching in her seat, desperate to ask “Are we there yet?” just after being told not to, no, this Rachel was different from that. She held her back straight, but dark eyes downcast and almost hidden. Gone was the bright ball of energy she saw just moments before and in its place a woman who’s both painfully familiar and a total stranger.
And still, neither of them spoke. They didn’t have to.
It seemed the years past had finally caught up to them. Rachel’s puppy dog enthusiasm and Quinn’s childish defensiveness was only a futile effort at avoiding the inevitable. Without that in between, high school faded away and the years of pain and disappointment seeped in, filling the silent space between them.
The dark silence was still there by the time they got to Rachel’s apartment.
Quinn thinks the heaviness of the atmosphere between them clashed with the brightness of the décor. White and silver with splashes of a cheerful shade of green, it was both everything she expected Rachel’s place to be like and not. Gone was the overly girly, almost cartoonish combination of colours and furniture from her old room back in Lima; replaced instead with a style that holds a certain subtlety. The white and silver gave everything the impression of cleanliness and order, and yet the splashes of colour, the shapes of the furniture, all of it added a sense of whimsicalness that was pure Rachel Berry.
She sat herself down on the couch facing the window and the glittering metropolis outside. She was the first to break the silence.
“I take it back. You can ask questions if you want,” she said. She knows some of those questions might not be east to answer, but she’s sure she’s had worst before. And anything was better than this.
Rachel just stood there for a while, still not looking at Quinn. Eventually she said softly.
“How are you?”
Quinn’s eyebrows rose. She stared at the shorter girl for a while before breaking into laughter.
“That’s it? After all that THAT’S the question you chose to ask me?”
Rachel cracked a smile and shrug, the thick awkwardness in the air, slowly dissipating.
“It’s a cliché question but an effective one,” Rachel defended. “It covers a wide ground and it’s vague enough that you can just choose to tell me whatever you want to tell me without me coming off as overly intrusive.”
Quinn’s smile brightened. “I never knew you could be so calculating Berry. And where was this thoughtfulness when you were hounding me at the club?”
Rachel blushed slightly.
“I don’t know, I just... You were pretty out of it at the club and I was about to leave and I was just worried and I didn’t want you to leave and...” there was a pause in her sentence and just like that, the ice that had melted only moments ago became frozen again.
“I haven’t seen you since…” Rachel couldn’t finish the sentence.
“Since Finn’s funeral,” Quinn finished it for her. “It’s ok Rachel. I’m not going to break if you mention it. It has been four years.”
Rachel gave her a look like she was trying to gage how much of that was true. “Well, no one would know that would they? After the funeral, you fell off the grid. And then, when you came back you still didn’t talk to anyone. I mean, we weren’t all together like we were in high school anymore, but after what happened, a lot of us wanted to help you. A lot of us tried to help you but you were just gone every time anyone of us comes near. If it weren’t for Puck and Kurt none of us would even know that you’re still alive.”
“So what, I have to report my every movement to the former members of Glee Club now?” Quinn’s voice hardened.
“No, that’s not what I meant. It’s just…We used to be a team. And even if it’s been over 10 years we still care about you Quinn.”
Rachel placed a hand on Quinn’s shoulder, dark eyes shining with the same sincerity she’s always had. She was so different from her, Quinn thought to herself as she shrugged it off. She didn’t need to be comforted, and she didn’t need Rachel’s sympathy.
“I’m not wasting away after my dead husband if that’s what you were worried about.”
-
Rachel still wouldn’t budge.
“So what’s this about?” she asked, gesturing to Quinn’s disheveled state. She was tempted to tell her nosy former classmate that it was “part of her job”.
“A girl can’t unwind every once in a while?” she retorted instead. “It’s not like I do this every night Berry. I do have a daughter to think of.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply -“
“It’s ok,” Quinn cut her off. She should have expected this to happen. She did pretty much cut off all contacts with her old friends. Seemed like the easier thing to do at the time but then she never really prepared for what would happen if she ever met any of them again, how she should act around them. Most people don’t plan these things of course, most just let it all unfold by itself but she couldn’t afford that. It was too unpredictable; she doesn’t need people worrying about her and getting close to her. Letting anyone look too closely into her daily activities could potentially be very risky.
“So, do you have anything I could borrow?” she changed the subject. “And maybe some pillows and a blanket.”
“Oh right, of course,” Rachel replied before rushing off to what Quinn assumes is her bedroom. She came back a few minutes later.
“This ok?” she said as she showed her the simple silk nightgown.
Quinn couldn’t help but smile. There were stars on it.
“Guess some things don’t change,” she says with more unguarded fondness than she should have. She took the dress from her and idly, she wondered if Rachel still put gold stars next to her name. It would seem impractical now that she has give autographs to people, but then it’s always been a very impractical thing to do. She hasn’t been keeping much track of the world of glitz and glamour, but with her daughter being one of Rachel’s “no. 1 fan” and talking about her almost 24/7, she knows a lot more about the other girl’s acting career than she otherwise would have.
Rachel got her first solo acting gig in her senior year of high school. A guest star spot on some cop show she couldn’t remember the name of. It was a small part but Quinn still remembered because Rachel was going on about it non-stop when she and Finn came over after school. Quinn and Puck had both dropped out of school by then to raise Drizzle in a small crappy apartment they’d managed to get together. They were initially going to stay at Puck’s but after Puck told his mother they got into a huge fight that ended with Puck claiming that he wasn’t his father and determined to prove that he could provide for his little girl.
In the end, none of them could let their little girl go, not her, or Puck; not even Finn.
Finn had forgiven her and Puck eventually. Knowing that Drizzle wasn’t his didn’t stop him from loving her or wanting to be a part of her life. He wasn’t in love with Quinn anymore, but he still came to love her as the mother of his child, and Puck as the other father as well. The four of them were a family, a rather unconventional one but things weren’t bad then, it was still tough since money was hard to come by but at least everything was simple and they were all together.
A lot has changed since then.
In the end both she and Rachel got what they wanted. She got to be something other than a Lima loser and Rachel got to be famous; at least for a little while. Ain’t life grand?
“You know, I’m surprised you’re still in Chicago,” Quinn started once she came out of the bathroom, her old clothes bundled up in her hands. “I thought you’d have gone back to LA by now.”
“So you have been following my career,” the brunette replied demurely, she was now wearing a fur-lined orange robe reminiscent of 1930’s starlets and upon noticing Quinn’s stare, struck a pose near a vanity mirror. Quinn giggled; something she hasn’t done for real in a very long time. She wondered if Rachel only put on outfits like that when she had someone to show off to or if she does it when she’s alone as well. Somehow Rachel seemed like the type who’d put on a fancy night gown with matching robe and full make up just to walk out to her balcony and angst. At 15 Quinn would have found that ridiculous, but right now, she couldn’t think of anything cuter.
Maybe she missed the other girl a lot more than she realized.
“My manager keeps telling me to go back.” Rachel finally answered. “Ever since my show got canceled he’s been pushing me to get out more, said I needed more publicity, publicity that I would get there more than I would here but, well... To be honest I don’t really like it there much.”
Something in Rachel’s voice told her there was more to the story than that, but Quinn didn’t push. She had never been the type to, unlike Rachel herself. If Rachel wanted to avoid the topic, then she’d gladly help.
“So, pillows and a blanket?” Quinn asked again, effectively changing the subject.
“Right, umm, I was actually thinking maybe you should take the bed. I mean, you are my guest.”
Quinn gave the brunette a look. So they were starting this game now. She hasn’t done this, ‘I’m nicer than you; no I’m nicer’ routine since she was living with her parents. Part of her was tempted to take Rachel up on her offer, but somehow she couldn’t.
“I can’t,” she said instead. “And don’t tell me you insist, Berry, I know the whole script. I’m not driving you out of your own bed.”
“Why not?” Rachel asked sounding oddly shy. “I did pretty much drag you here.”
“True... But I’m still not driving you out of your own bed,” Quinn gave the girl another smile. She’s been doing that a lot tonight.
“Alright,” Rachel finally gave in. “It’s a big bed, I guess we can share. It’ll be like the slumber party we never had.”
“Right. And I promise not to have my wicked way with you while you’re asleep.”
Quinn wasn’t sure where that last sentence came from, but it was out of her mouth before she could give it a second thought. Before she could retract, she was rewarded with a charming blush on tanned cheeks. She wondered if there was anything that could make her blush like that anymore. There was a time in her life when she was innocent, she’s sure, but for the life of her, she couldn’t seem to remember what that felt like.
Rachel must have choked her previous comment up to Quinn still being slightly drunk, but she didn’t comment. Instead, moments after Quinn got on the bed and pulled the blanket up; she felt it dip slightly on her left. Though the bed was big enough for the both of them without either one of them touching, she still felt Rachel’s warmth radiating next to her and resisted the urge to nudge closer.
It’s been a while since Quinn shared a bed with anyone, even her daughter goes to Puck now when she has nightmares.
The soft sound of Rachel’s breathing steadied next to her. She closed her eyes and after a while, followed her into dreams, unaware that as the night wore on, her body rolled closer and closer to warmth that she won’t admit she missed so much.
***
6th October 2017
Quinn watched as Finn gave his daughter a soft kiss goodbye on the forehead, her lips set in a thin line as he heard him tell her, “everything’s gonna be ok sweetie.”
Their daughter was spending the night with Puck at her grandmother’s tonight, and once the car was out of the driveway Quinn gave Finn a harsh look. She wasn’t sure if she disproved or not; him lying to their daughter like that. She’s never been the type of parent who was keen on sugar coating things, she knows the truth can be cruel, especially to someone so young but she got enough of the sugar coated poison from her own parents to last a life time. She swore to herself a long time ago that she wasn’t going to be like them, the Stepford housewife, constantly smiling, letting her resentment for her husband come off in vibes that steal oxygen from the room and pretending everything’s perfect. Shutting her emotions off and pretending her own daughter never noticed how much she hated her life.
No, Quinn was definitely not that type of parent. She was as honest with her little girl as she could be. She knows sometimes that could hurt, but she thought it might be better for her in the long run. At least her daughter would know that she never lied to her and trusted her.
“I’m not lying to her,” Finn tells her, like he’s reading her thoughts, hands coming down on her shoulders, warm and familiar. “I got fired from one job. It’s not the end of the world.”
His voice was soft, and there was a faint smile on his face. She knows he’s trying to be reassuring but it does nothing to calm her nerves.
“I’m not seven, Finn. You don’t need to coddle me,” she said, a lot less cold than she intended. Finn always had a way of melting the ice queen in her, whether she wanted him to or not. “I still can’t believe there’s nothing we can do. I know you didn’t do what they accused you of doing, Finn.”
That she didn’t think he was smart or sneaky enough to pull it off was left unsaid. Finn had never been much of a schemer. Not to mention the fact that Finn had an actual, honest to god, no questions about it, sense of morality. Unlike most people Quinn came across in her life (herself included).
“I know,” Finn said; the defeat evident in his voice. “But we really can’t exactly afford a lawyer right now. At least not one good enough to go up against the company’s corporate lawyer, and you know what they said, they had evidence against me. I don’t know how but apparently it’s enough to get me arrested. They only agreed not to press charges if we agreed to keep everything quiet, and if we fight this with a lawyer and they win, they could have me arrested. I know it’s not fair, but well... if anyone knows about being practical it’s you.”
Quinn just shrugged. She knows Finn’s right this time, but she can’t help the dread that’s curling in her stomach. It hasn’t even been a year yet since they left Lima, since she left that tiny crumbling apartment and all the whispers of people in town, and it looks like she’s already going to have to pack up and go back again. Unless Finn manages to get himself another decent job and quick, there’s no way they could afford to live the way they do in this neighborhood.
“Listen, I know what this house means to you Quinn. I know it’s been hard getting us here but, I promise you, as long as we’re together, we’re going to be okay,” he said before giving her shoulders a reassuring squeeze, brown eyes shining like always. Finn had always been the most hopeful one of the three of them. It was what drew Quinn to him in the first place all those years ago in high school, even if everyone else thought she was only with him because he was captain of the football team.
Quinn didn’t argue further. It was hard to argue when Finn was looking at her like that. Instead she gave him a weak smile and went her separate way.
That night Quinn twisted in her bed unable to sleep with too many thoughts running in her mind. Thoughts about money, and Lima and the inevitable future; they swirled inside her head like poison in a goblet. She thought of the house, of the big couch she’d sat on with her daughter in her lap watching cartoons, she thought of ballet lessons and how much her daughter loved being dressed in pink and the friends she’d made since she got here. She thought of their old apartment, of the stains with questionable origin and thread bare furniture and the looks everyone in town had always given them. Though her daughter never talked about it, she knew that Lima’s prejudices had trickled down to their offspring and that her daughter hadn’t been entirely happy there. She knew because it was the same for all four of them.
And then she thought about Finn; about sweet and kind Finn; the nice one of the three of them. Finn had always been the kind of man she wanted as the father of her child, not that Puck was in any way a bad father but Finn was different from the two of them. Seven years and so much of him still remained that bright eyed puppy he always was.
Finn gave them all hope. Without a doubt, she knew that without him, all their lives would be so much darker.
For a while she let Finn’s words surface despite the protests of her own cynicism. She imagined that everything she wanted wouldn’t crumble to the ground, that they’d somehow make it through just like the oddly indestructible Glee club she’d once been a part of, or that old Avril Lavigne song that they all sang while pretending the song wasn’t just for her.
Even without him next to her, Finn still managed to quiet the voices in her head, and after a while, she finally fell asleep.
It wasn’t until hours later that she heard the crash downstairs.
It was the last time she ever saw Finn.
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Next Chapter
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Bonus Material
Drawing of Rachel
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