and so it goes
In childhood, when things were going badly, did you ever sort of take yourself out of the present situation and dream about something that would make you feel better? I'm sure everyone did that. I did that a lot. A whole lot.
I was diagnosed with allergies to most plants, trees, veggies, fruit and animals when I was around six years old. I also dealt heavily with migraines, asthma, and a skin disorder. All of this combined, with even the slightest extra problem, made anything bad happening seem much worse. Some problems may have been hearing my parents argue over something, having disagreements with friends, not understanding why I couldn't eat just chocolate for all three meals (haha, I still have that problem). At times some problems were much worse, not just trivial things. Either way, in it all, I nearly always went somewhere else in my head.
Growing up, I remember watching t.v. shows of families going to Disney World. I had never been yet. The families always looked so happy, the kids always seemed so healthy. So if I was in tears with a migraine, I would either try and pray myself to sleep, or think of Disney. (I still tend to pray myself to sleep most nights.)
--Skip to January 2007, I'm 25. I must say before going any further that 2007 was by far one of the most difficult years of my life. I was so happy when the clock rolled over to midnight 2008. (Funny thing is, I actually had a headache the second the clock rolled over. The day before I had accidentally hit my head on the kitchen cabinet and came quite close to knocking myself out. My head was still hurting. What a way to end such an intense year!)
In 2007 life changed for me all together. It changed for the better. However, as many of you know, when things change for the better, they often may hurt while becoming good. That was for sure the case with me.
Small recap.
The first week in January 2007, Joey and I quit our church. I had been there for 15 years. We were the youth leaders there. Two weeks later, my entire family quit. We left because of problems beyond our control. It was a very verbally abusive atmosphere. Lots of legalism, judging/condemning, and fear. While it was the healthiest decision I feel that I've ever made for myself, it was one of the most taxing mentally and spiritually. Almost everyone there was told not to speak to us anymore. We lost all but about five of our friends. It has been hard since leaving to trust anyone again. People who had been like parents to me my whole life, now wouldn't speak to me for standing up against something that was wrong. They still don't speak to me or my family. But since then I have found the most intense feeling/understanding of grace and love I've ever known. God is now my father, not a judge telling me I will never be good enough.
On with 2007...
-My aunt, who was in remission from brain cancer, was diagnosed with it once again. She is strong and never ceases to amaze me though. She is still fighting. (Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.)
-A friend of mine, from the church we left, took his life. He was the second brother in the same family to do so. He was an amazing and gifted guitar player. I so enjoyed playing piano while he rocked every song out on guitar.
-I lost a few friends aside from the people at the church.
-The plumbing in our home went insane. No showers, no toilet flushing, no washing our hands. UGH!
-Retested for allergies and still consistent with the same ones. Asthma progressively got worse. Almost unable to keep living in my own home due to allergens beyond my control. Had to live with my parents for two months.
-Spider bite by a brown recluse. Not good. Not good at all.
This list goes on and on. However, this story does not end sad at all. Quite the opposite actually.
--Skip to Monday morning. 4 am. January 14th, 2008. Though a lot of good and bad things happened in 2007, the toll it has taken emotionally, physically, and spiritually has been intense. And with a new illness to deal with this week, last night became hard again. To the point of tears. I'm tired of being sick.
But I was reminded again, things were going to be okay. I couldn't sleep last night. And even though just a few hours before I had treated Joey a little mean for simply trying to help, he saw past my anxiety and fear, and made everything better. We took the Ipod to bed with us and lay side by side holding hands. Listening to music from my favorite Disney classics. He sang along with me on my favorite parts and talked about my favorite characters. Sounds childish. But it was the most unexpected fun moment I've had in a long time. I felt like a kid again.
*Sorry for the long post. I think it was more for me than anything. But perhaps someone will enjoy it as well.
I was diagnosed with allergies to most plants, trees, veggies, fruit and animals when I was around six years old. I also dealt heavily with migraines, asthma, and a skin disorder. All of this combined, with even the slightest extra problem, made anything bad happening seem much worse. Some problems may have been hearing my parents argue over something, having disagreements with friends, not understanding why I couldn't eat just chocolate for all three meals (haha, I still have that problem). At times some problems were much worse, not just trivial things. Either way, in it all, I nearly always went somewhere else in my head.
Growing up, I remember watching t.v. shows of families going to Disney World. I had never been yet. The families always looked so happy, the kids always seemed so healthy. So if I was in tears with a migraine, I would either try and pray myself to sleep, or think of Disney. (I still tend to pray myself to sleep most nights.)
--Skip to January 2007, I'm 25. I must say before going any further that 2007 was by far one of the most difficult years of my life. I was so happy when the clock rolled over to midnight 2008. (Funny thing is, I actually had a headache the second the clock rolled over. The day before I had accidentally hit my head on the kitchen cabinet and came quite close to knocking myself out. My head was still hurting. What a way to end such an intense year!)
In 2007 life changed for me all together. It changed for the better. However, as many of you know, when things change for the better, they often may hurt while becoming good. That was for sure the case with me.
Small recap.
The first week in January 2007, Joey and I quit our church. I had been there for 15 years. We were the youth leaders there. Two weeks later, my entire family quit. We left because of problems beyond our control. It was a very verbally abusive atmosphere. Lots of legalism, judging/condemning, and fear. While it was the healthiest decision I feel that I've ever made for myself, it was one of the most taxing mentally and spiritually. Almost everyone there was told not to speak to us anymore. We lost all but about five of our friends. It has been hard since leaving to trust anyone again. People who had been like parents to me my whole life, now wouldn't speak to me for standing up against something that was wrong. They still don't speak to me or my family. But since then I have found the most intense feeling/understanding of grace and love I've ever known. God is now my father, not a judge telling me I will never be good enough.
On with 2007...
-My aunt, who was in remission from brain cancer, was diagnosed with it once again. She is strong and never ceases to amaze me though. She is still fighting. (Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.)
-A friend of mine, from the church we left, took his life. He was the second brother in the same family to do so. He was an amazing and gifted guitar player. I so enjoyed playing piano while he rocked every song out on guitar.
-I lost a few friends aside from the people at the church.
-The plumbing in our home went insane. No showers, no toilet flushing, no washing our hands. UGH!
-Retested for allergies and still consistent with the same ones. Asthma progressively got worse. Almost unable to keep living in my own home due to allergens beyond my control. Had to live with my parents for two months.
-Spider bite by a brown recluse. Not good. Not good at all.
This list goes on and on. However, this story does not end sad at all. Quite the opposite actually.
--Skip to Monday morning. 4 am. January 14th, 2008. Though a lot of good and bad things happened in 2007, the toll it has taken emotionally, physically, and spiritually has been intense. And with a new illness to deal with this week, last night became hard again. To the point of tears. I'm tired of being sick.
But I was reminded again, things were going to be okay. I couldn't sleep last night. And even though just a few hours before I had treated Joey a little mean for simply trying to help, he saw past my anxiety and fear, and made everything better. We took the Ipod to bed with us and lay side by side holding hands. Listening to music from my favorite Disney classics. He sang along with me on my favorite parts and talked about my favorite characters. Sounds childish. But it was the most unexpected fun moment I've had in a long time. I felt like a kid again.
*Sorry for the long post. I think it was more for me than anything. But perhaps someone will enjoy it as well.