Jeano
So its been an incredibly rouch couple of days for me lately. My nan went in for a hysterectamy last wednesday, she didnt really need it and no one really wanted her to have it but she was in so much pain we let her go, when the surgery finished my parents went and saw her on the thursday and they said she seemed 'high' lol but perfectly fine. When my mum went in on the thursday she didnt know where she was what was going on or what day it was, and thats when the panic kicked in, we thought it was the drugs that messed her up but the doctors said there was a chance the shock of the surgery had brought on dimensia which was sucky as. I went and saw her on the friday and she seemed fine, but she was going in and out of a sort of delirium so we gave it till sunday and sunday she was perfectly fine apart from a bruise she had from falling out of the hospital bed and she was up and talking and laughing and same old nan. On monday she was meant to go home so my uncle went back to melbourne and my mum was on her way to the hospital when she got a call saying she had had a stroke....
So my mum calls me and asks me to get her stepsisters number which is when i knew it was serious and started crying. That night my mum, uncle, and aunty (also my dad and aunties b/f) came over and told me that it wasnt a stroke like they thought, it turns out she had a bleed on the brain that had ruptured...possibly when she fell and she had to be rushed into surgery to relieve pressure otherwise she would die, they did the surgery and relieved the pressure but when they finished...she didnt wake up, she slipped into a coma.
Yesterday i went into the hospital with my sister, we went into a conference room in ICU where my mum,dad uncle aunty, and aunties b/f were all waiting my mum and aunty were on the verge of a breakdown, so we just sat there quietly then went back into the waiting room which is where i just lost it, i started sobbing and my dad came round and asked if i wanted to go see her...i told him i didnt..i didnt wanna remember her with tubes, and he was ok with that, then he left me and my mum so he could get my bro and my mum wanted to see her and didnt wanna go alone so i went. OMG i cant believe how much i lost it, my mum broke down and grabbed hold of me, and i just held onto my nans arm and begged her to wake up, i mean this is my 'nanny jeano' shes my last grandparent left, 20 years ive had with her i just never once contimplated (?) the fact that i would lose her one day, shes been through so much shes lost 2 husbands survived 2 bouts of bowel cancer and its just not fair. When we thought she had dimensia i had agreed to move in with her and take care of her i will take that more than anything right now and i thought dimensia was the worst thing that would happen to her...she is my version of a superhero. When i went back to the waiting room my mum and just sat there crying and i realised this was the same thing that killed her 2nd husband (my mums step-father, my grandfather) and its just a disgusting horrible irony, and a brain tumor killed her 1st husband...so right now im pretty much like 'fuck you brain'. We left the hospital at like 530 coz i had work and everyone was just so depressed. But we went back today and her step-daughter and sister in law were therewaiting and crying, and then 2 of her like 14 sisters showed up and one of them was just crying saying ' i wished on the moon that she would be ok,...i call her everyday this cant happen...it just cant' and i lost it. My nan was always the more put together one of her family she didnt have many friends but her family was her lifeand she has been through so much its the last thing that should have happened to her. Now we are all just thinking what if she never had the surgery, would she be okay?. Oh and we spoke to the neurosurgern today and he said that he hasnt given up hope, but he wants to wait until 6pm friday to see what our options are if there is no more activity there isnt much we can do...but i mean her heart rate goes up everytime we enter the room..like she can sense us..that has to mean something right? but if she starts to breathe on her own and nothing else we cant turn machines off then and i think/know she would hate to live like that. IT JUST SUCKS!.
So i decided i was gonna get a tattoo to remember her and my other grandparentsso if anyone is able to design something or knows someone who can lemme know i want this to be a kick ass tatt.
Thanks for reading guys i needed to vent and get this out there xxx
Me and my nan <3
So my mum calls me and asks me to get her stepsisters number which is when i knew it was serious and started crying. That night my mum, uncle, and aunty (also my dad and aunties b/f) came over and told me that it wasnt a stroke like they thought, it turns out she had a bleed on the brain that had ruptured...possibly when she fell and she had to be rushed into surgery to relieve pressure otherwise she would die, they did the surgery and relieved the pressure but when they finished...she didnt wake up, she slipped into a coma.
Yesterday i went into the hospital with my sister, we went into a conference room in ICU where my mum,dad uncle aunty, and aunties b/f were all waiting my mum and aunty were on the verge of a breakdown, so we just sat there quietly then went back into the waiting room which is where i just lost it, i started sobbing and my dad came round and asked if i wanted to go see her...i told him i didnt..i didnt wanna remember her with tubes, and he was ok with that, then he left me and my mum so he could get my bro and my mum wanted to see her and didnt wanna go alone so i went. OMG i cant believe how much i lost it, my mum broke down and grabbed hold of me, and i just held onto my nans arm and begged her to wake up, i mean this is my 'nanny jeano' shes my last grandparent left, 20 years ive had with her i just never once contimplated (?) the fact that i would lose her one day, shes been through so much shes lost 2 husbands survived 2 bouts of bowel cancer and its just not fair. When we thought she had dimensia i had agreed to move in with her and take care of her i will take that more than anything right now and i thought dimensia was the worst thing that would happen to her...she is my version of a superhero. When i went back to the waiting room my mum and just sat there crying and i realised this was the same thing that killed her 2nd husband (my mums step-father, my grandfather) and its just a disgusting horrible irony, and a brain tumor killed her 1st husband...so right now im pretty much like 'fuck you brain'. We left the hospital at like 530 coz i had work and everyone was just so depressed. But we went back today and her step-daughter and sister in law were therewaiting and crying, and then 2 of her like 14 sisters showed up and one of them was just crying saying ' i wished on the moon that she would be ok,...i call her everyday this cant happen...it just cant' and i lost it. My nan was always the more put together one of her family she didnt have many friends but her family was her lifeand she has been through so much its the last thing that should have happened to her. Now we are all just thinking what if she never had the surgery, would she be okay?. Oh and we spoke to the neurosurgern today and he said that he hasnt given up hope, but he wants to wait until 6pm friday to see what our options are if there is no more activity there isnt much we can do...but i mean her heart rate goes up everytime we enter the room..like she can sense us..that has to mean something right? but if she starts to breathe on her own and nothing else we cant turn machines off then and i think/know she would hate to live like that. IT JUST SUCKS!.
So i decided i was gonna get a tattoo to remember her and my other grandparentsso if anyone is able to design something or knows someone who can lemme know i want this to be a kick ass tatt.
Thanks for reading guys i needed to vent and get this out there xxx
Me and my nan <3