Twenty Fucking Five.
Wow, it seems like my birthday was so long ago and it was just yesterday. I feel like so much has already happened. Mostly it feels like a lot of personal growth. I have been in somewhat of a rut lately. I think it's healthy to be in ruts sometimes as long as you learn something from them and grow from it. I'm pretty sure I'm learning. I know I'm changing. I'm making physical changes in my life that I can see. I am going through some ruff times. Taking on a lot in school and it's stressing me out. I'm learning a lot about life and about myself. Work is always good and I'm glad for that. I have a lot of good times at Trader Joes. Dating is confusing as always. I get so fucking confused when I date. I know it's all good experience, I just don't fucking get it. I think I'm doing everything right, playing all the stupid games without changing myself for anyone. Right when I think I'm doing everything I'm supposed to, it's all gone. I never get anywhere. All I want is to see someone, go on some dates and have some fucking sex. Is that so hard to ask for? I don't want a god-damned one night stand either. I'm also having issues with my past, which likes to come back every once and a while and remind me of the good and not so good times I've had with people that I have loved. I can never forget anything. One person in particular always seems to come back into my thoughts, time after time. They won't go away, not that I want them to. I like him there, I just need to learn to not let it bother me. Guess it's healthy to feel good and bad so I'll just allow my heart and head to continue doing their business.