busy weekend
Saw Tarzan...it was alright, more then a spectacle then anything. Saw Ave Q for the second time...loved it yet again. The new cast is great (except Rick Lyon who's from the original cast and he's always been great) Went to the Bronx Zoo..saw lots of animals. The monkies were awesome. Celebrated 6 months w/ my sweetie, very very happy.
A little thought...ya know how when you talk about something with someone, or something happens and you end up dreaming about it. Well that happened to me this weekend.
I was on the phone with Ivan talking about our feelings on the new Survivor and we got to talking about my old boyfriend Matt. You see, Matt kinda introduced me to Survivor, so its kind of inevidable for him to enter my mind whenever the show is mentioned. Anyway, Ivan was mentioning how Matt is going over to his place to watch Survivor and play a game of Risk (another activity we three did together) Anyway, this whole break-up thing not only was tough on me and I'm guessing Matt..although i can't say for sure since I'm not him and he is the one who innitiated it, but also Ivan.
Ivan: "Can't we all just be friends and play a game of Risk...ya know, for the kids" (he's of course talking about himself in this case)
Me: "I really wish we could Ivan, but I don't think its a good idea"
Not that I even know if Matt would want to be friends with me. I mean I'm sure he wouldn't dislike the idea...we were real close...I still think about him a lot. I do think its best that we broke up and that for whatever reasons, its really a better idea that we weren't together in that sort of relationship...however, unlike the rest of my old boyfriends, I really had a ridiculous connection to Matt...We were best friends, I can't deny that. Stuff still happens and I still want to call him up and be like "GUESS WHAT!" I miss that, I really do...but at the same time, I know hanging out with him would just be a backwards step for me. I'm really happy with Howie, and I don't want to endanger that relationship, our relationship is growing at such a ridiculous pace...we really click...And I don't want confused feelings of anger/hurt/disappointment/love or whatever would come up to fuck with anything in my near perfect life right now.
Its really aggrivating. Anyway, I had a dream about Matt...not my first mind you, but this one seemed to hit me the hardest. I don't remember everything about it, but the important part. We were sitting , having a conversation and Matt was saying how he doesn't want to have a relationship with anyone right now, he wants to just be single and live a single life...not even date, but he wants me to be his friend. And somehow we ended up being friends and everything worked out perfect. I had my wonderful relationship with Howie, and still kept a friendship with Matt..played games, discussed Survivor, no weird feelings, no jealousy over other girls who could fill that gap that I somehow couldn't...
I woke up happy until it hit me it was a dream, then I was really really sad...nothing I could do about it I guess...I'm not ready, and I don't know when I will be.
Oh matt I wish you were just gay, that would make life easier :) hahaha
anyway enough of my sob story thats so undeserved.
Clay's album is released tonight at midnight and i'm going to pee myself from excitement!
A little thought...ya know how when you talk about something with someone, or something happens and you end up dreaming about it. Well that happened to me this weekend.
I was on the phone with Ivan talking about our feelings on the new Survivor and we got to talking about my old boyfriend Matt. You see, Matt kinda introduced me to Survivor, so its kind of inevidable for him to enter my mind whenever the show is mentioned. Anyway, Ivan was mentioning how Matt is going over to his place to watch Survivor and play a game of Risk (another activity we three did together) Anyway, this whole break-up thing not only was tough on me and I'm guessing Matt..although i can't say for sure since I'm not him and he is the one who innitiated it, but also Ivan.
Ivan: "Can't we all just be friends and play a game of Risk...ya know, for the kids" (he's of course talking about himself in this case)
Me: "I really wish we could Ivan, but I don't think its a good idea"
Not that I even know if Matt would want to be friends with me. I mean I'm sure he wouldn't dislike the idea...we were real close...I still think about him a lot. I do think its best that we broke up and that for whatever reasons, its really a better idea that we weren't together in that sort of relationship...however, unlike the rest of my old boyfriends, I really had a ridiculous connection to Matt...We were best friends, I can't deny that. Stuff still happens and I still want to call him up and be like "GUESS WHAT!" I miss that, I really do...but at the same time, I know hanging out with him would just be a backwards step for me. I'm really happy with Howie, and I don't want to endanger that relationship, our relationship is growing at such a ridiculous pace...we really click...And I don't want confused feelings of anger/hurt/disappointment/love or whatever would come up to fuck with anything in my near perfect life right now.
Its really aggrivating. Anyway, I had a dream about Matt...not my first mind you, but this one seemed to hit me the hardest. I don't remember everything about it, but the important part. We were sitting , having a conversation and Matt was saying how he doesn't want to have a relationship with anyone right now, he wants to just be single and live a single life...not even date, but he wants me to be his friend. And somehow we ended up being friends and everything worked out perfect. I had my wonderful relationship with Howie, and still kept a friendship with Matt..played games, discussed Survivor, no weird feelings, no jealousy over other girls who could fill that gap that I somehow couldn't...
I woke up happy until it hit me it was a dream, then I was really really sad...nothing I could do about it I guess...I'm not ready, and I don't know when I will be.
Oh matt I wish you were just gay, that would make life easier :) hahaha
anyway enough of my sob story thats so undeserved.
Clay's album is released tonight at midnight and i'm going to pee myself from excitement!