Somewhere close to no where!
You know I never really thought about death; it not something I think young people really contemplate about. At times I wished I was dead but, not really counting the cost of the finality of the whole thing! I guess life is what you make it; it can break you or make you stronger. I rather be on the stronger side but, sometimes I think life has taken its toll.
My grandma is too young to die! Being in her seventies, if her quality of life is suffering then why would I want her to live on just to exist? That’s selfish on my part. I want her to be happy and healthy in her old age in the joy of being alive.
It was bloody awful seeing her in this state. She didn’t even remember me due to the stroke and all. She was begging us to let her die. I just tried to stay strong for my Ma, which by this point was mortified and sobbing. Personally, I think hospitals are depressing enough to make anyone want to die. They aren’t the most happy of places to be in even when your expecting.
I haven’t really had time to think about Jay. I was really focused on being there for my family. When I came back to work it all hit me like a ton of bricks though. Seeing him staring at me like someone who was desperately trying to read my mind; I couldn’t even look into his eyes. He deserves an answer to his question; I’m just not sure if I can give him what he wants right now. Men are hardly ever patient. Time is always ticking. Should I suck up my guts again and try to make this work or just let if fall? Life is always messy it’s not like it ever going to be perfect timing.
Just don’t want another heart breaking disappointment! Why can’t he just except things they way they are? What is the freaking rush? Where is the fire people? Just let things take its course for the love of God!
Wish I just escape somewhere- close to nowhere!
