Love Dialect...
I have never been an affectionate person. No hugs or kisses please. Never once can I remember thinking, "wow, I really enjoyed that hug/kiss." I know that there are different dialects of love..I accept the way I am. The problem is..others don't. I can know the main four dialects of expressing love..i know what I am talking about so please don't
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This is something I learned about some number of years ago when I came across a thing, ( book, television program, combo of this, or something), about "Love languages". We each have our own and try to show it in our own way, but the problem, as you seem to be aware of, is that the way one persons love is shown and expected to be shown in return can be a bit of a problem because two people are speaking in two different languages to each other without being aware of it, causing a bit of confusion and frustration, to be sure. According to what I read/saw or what ever, their is a number, something like 7 or so different languages that people speak, (don't quote me on the number, it has been a few years ago when it came to my attention, and once learned, I moved on to other things).
If my memory serves me correctly, (you may be able to find out more about it on line some where, I'm sure), one is giving of service to others, others give things/objects to others, maybe others just telling others, but you seem to have a good understanding that it happens, which puts you way ahead of probably a big portion of the rest of the people in the world.
People just assume that they are on the same page with the next person and kinda accept what happens as being the way things are suppose to be until someone else brings it to their attention that there is more or something different about something than the way they know or understand things to be. Part of the reason that is the way it is, is that they were brought up with the same ideas that others who didn't know, learned things. It's not that they were doing something bad, stupid, wrong, or what ever, it is that that is all they knew also, and passed it on the way they learned it, frustrations and all. Also in the mix is that a lot of the times, people just don't communicate with each other about things that bother them, and lose many opprtunities to have a better relationship than they accept.
I guess this post has something personal for me in that I had many many situations in my life that pertained to this topic. Like when you try hard to show your love for and to someone, and they are 'on another page' about loving someone, and on different levels, and the feedback 'appears' to look like you are just being used in return or undervalued for your efforts, it does get frustrating in a hurry and messes up what could have been a great relationship had everyone been on the same page with what was going on.
Hopefully, you and your sister have reconciled this problem, which I would be sure you have and that you may have taught her how this exist and works. You seem, from what you have said, have come to understand this well and have learned how to use this knowledge to deal with those who do not understand it or know about it. That puts you ahead of things in a good way, :) !
A question in my mind would the way you have come to love and be loved had anything to do with the way you were raised, your relationship with your parents, maybe from your dad in particular? Just a thought you might ponder about where you made your decision on how to love and show love. You and I seem to have traveled some of the same pathways in this life, ain't the scenery just something else, :) !
Anyway, guess it's time to move on, have a good one, :)
mind_feild
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I Know that it has alot to do with the way that I was raised, but I can be uncomfortable and change or I can embrace my dialect for what it is awell as noticing the difference dialects that everyone else has.
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