home
I keep telling myself that im happy here, that this is where i want to be, this is where i belong and where i am needed. But the truth just wont stop telling me otherwise. Its and ongoing battle between whay i know is right for me and what is right and good for me by my family. No im not comlaining, just feeling out of place. missing what was, missing that me. the me that i was in missouri. the me that was sure of what she was doing and knowing that it was ight. not just for "a time"" but for the rest of my life.
Is it okay to be selfish for yourself, to want my life. I sont like to make known what i sacrifice for others, but when the term selfish is being tossed around in my head at myself, i start to wonder. I know that i have been put on this earth to serve. I know that i am moved in my heart to help others, compassion is just a part of me. Empathy is just something that im good at. Being understanding towards others is what i do. Key word: Others.
I know that i do good things, i do, and i know that they are fully recognized by others, but i wish it wasnt. I mean, yes i post things that i have done and what im doing on here and there are comments, but i don't let it get passed a thought. (please dont be offended by that..) I dont like being "praised" for anything. It has to do with not wanting to be notced, because i want to go home. Home being Missouri, attending church, going to the prayer room, helping out with OJC, working to end abortion, doing and internship...people may be thinking that i can do those things here, and yes, i can..but only to an extent. I know where my home is, and i know where my heart is, my problem is just that i am not there..
I live my grams, gramps and aunt, so i stay here. with them..trying to go through the motions of life and make it through one day at a time..sorry that this post is gloomy compared to the last one..but i just have to say it...just have to let it out.