(no subject)
i have come to a series of revealations in the past few days. well, actually, most of them occured to me as i was standing behind lauren at the atari's concert trying not to look completely ackward. (suprisingly, the concert was much more benficial than i thought it would be because it provided a canvas for thought). well, in any event, i am very excited about said revealations, epiphanies, if you will. i feel i have found a level of psedo-zen that allows me to be internally calm and centered while still maintaing a pretentious level of angst and confusion. i have discovered the solutions to problems ranging from college to sex to my changed identity to prime time television. i will share a few of these insights with you now, dears.
college: it is my decision. i need to go to a college that is right for me and that will give me the best possible learning experience. in searching for this school, i need not to consider certain things such as whether or not i currently have friends attending or if it is more exxpensive than originally anticipated. if gonzaga is really important to me, then i need to be willing to deal with the extra cost. i am just going to have to tell my mom that i will pay the difference between what i would pay at cbu and at gonzaga, because i am not staying in memphis. and i am not allowing my mother to make this decision for me. it looks like the exciting world of student loans beckons me. hooray?
sex: actually, i'm not going to comment on this one. everyone just needs to come up with their own revealations here because... well, kids... that's just the way it is.
my changed identity: i am not the same person i was last year. there are several factors that influenced this and they include the play (or lack thereof in my case), my job, my friends, my recent independence from pharmacy-gained happiness, and my new found love of alone time. i think i really noticed the change the other day when a sophomore asked me a question about the play. i just looked at her and said "i dont know" and then went back to reading my book... it was weird because for the past two years, that girl would have been perfectly correct in assuming that i would know the answer to a theatre-related question. but not anymore... and i'm suprisingly happy about it. non-involvement really is the way to go. it has made my life much less stressful, and much more fun. i never would have predicted it, but not being cast in Into the Woods has really changed me for the better. AIDA was a fantastic end to my theatrical involvement, and this year marks my progression into more serious enterprises. its weird that i'm so happy about it, huh? in addition to this, my job has given me a lot of independence, and i love that. ive been off anti-depressants for about a year now and i feel fantastic about that particular decision. its hard sometimes, but just dealing with the depression is better that feeling like an android all the time. as far as alone time goes, ive recently discovered that i need AT LEAST one night a month where i go out alone and just have holly time. its very liberating, indeed.
primetime television: "grey's anatomy"- i love it. i am way too emotionally involved in it, but thats okay. i wont bore you with it, but saturday night, i unwraveled the mystery that is christina and i see myself in her a little too much. "law and order: svu"- benson and stabler have a lot of sexual tension that needs to come out. its what makes the show great, but i care very much about those guys and i just want them to be happy. and so therefore, i think they should do it. also, i want munch to my friend... alot.
well, friends, that's it for my revealations. weird, huh? that listening to acoustic ataris for an hour coerced all those thoughts from my weird little head? but hey... thinking inspiration comes from the oddest places.