Bennie
Lately, my riding has been crap. Last year Bennie and I were doing great. We had a connection that we could both feel and we could join together to do consistent work. We almost always got that feeling of unity; we were able to read each other, anticipating the next movement of our ride. It was a feeling of knowing that I could ask for anything, and he would do it in a split second. It was having energy and an enthusiasm that kept us both interested and amused. It was being able to block out all thoughts and troubles and focus 100% on the here and now. Sometime this summer, we lost this.
Its not that I don’t like to ride or don’t love the horse anymore, its just the feeling has become dulled. Lately our rides have been full of nothing but frustration, anger, and disappointment. This is my fault, and there is no excuse for it. I’ve been doing so much that Bennie has been pushed aside. Its been hard to juggle the horse in between friends, family, work, and multiple other little jobs. This has to change. I am sick of going to the barn and just getting mad at the horse for things that aren’t even his fault. I expect him to be perfect for me even though I only ride 3 to 4 times a week. At least half of our rides end up with me getting mad at the horse and beating him up for absolutely no reason other than lack of work and schooling. Because I constantly hound on him, he gets as frustrated as I am and doesn’t want to try because he knows I will just beat him up. When he gets frustrated and starts to either buck or refuse to do the things I ask, he gets even angrier and the ride goes absolutely nowhere. Its not like this is a rare bad day either, this happens almost every time I get on. I feel really guilty about it and I get that sinking feeling whenever I look at him because I am ashamed at what I have let us become…
So I started to think of what would make it all better or at least begin to make it better. I realized that what I have to do to get back to the point where were last fall, is take a few steps back. Instead of pushing harder to get through this rough spot, I have back down and repeat some of the basics… We have to learn how to play again. I need to stop being forceful, controlling, and mean. I have let the horse come to me and want to be taught. In order for us both to excel, we both have to have fun and want it, which is why we need to rebuild some of the trust and friendship that we had last year. We both need to take a break from riding for a while and learn to trust each other again. We need to feel that connection that has been lost. I miss it, and I think he does too.
Its not that I don’t like to ride or don’t love the horse anymore, its just the feeling has become dulled. Lately our rides have been full of nothing but frustration, anger, and disappointment. This is my fault, and there is no excuse for it. I’ve been doing so much that Bennie has been pushed aside. Its been hard to juggle the horse in between friends, family, work, and multiple other little jobs. This has to change. I am sick of going to the barn and just getting mad at the horse for things that aren’t even his fault. I expect him to be perfect for me even though I only ride 3 to 4 times a week. At least half of our rides end up with me getting mad at the horse and beating him up for absolutely no reason other than lack of work and schooling. Because I constantly hound on him, he gets as frustrated as I am and doesn’t want to try because he knows I will just beat him up. When he gets frustrated and starts to either buck or refuse to do the things I ask, he gets even angrier and the ride goes absolutely nowhere. Its not like this is a rare bad day either, this happens almost every time I get on. I feel really guilty about it and I get that sinking feeling whenever I look at him because I am ashamed at what I have let us become…
So I started to think of what would make it all better or at least begin to make it better. I realized that what I have to do to get back to the point where were last fall, is take a few steps back. Instead of pushing harder to get through this rough spot, I have back down and repeat some of the basics… We have to learn how to play again. I need to stop being forceful, controlling, and mean. I have let the horse come to me and want to be taught. In order for us both to excel, we both have to have fun and want it, which is why we need to rebuild some of the trust and friendship that we had last year. We both need to take a break from riding for a while and learn to trust each other again. We need to feel that connection that has been lost. I miss it, and I think he does too.