Aussetzung
Since I've joined college, every trimester has taught me something. Not necessarily through school, since I haven't really done much of the paying of the attentions, but more so through my own self exploration. Finally, I think i've come upon the biggest realization. At least it feel huge, just because it seems to tie together so many loose ends and questions and thoughts. It's helped me realize who I am, what I'm here for, where I'm going...
I must also preface this little blurb with an explanation. Regardless of what you hold inside your heart and your head, the moment you quit telling yourself it's improbable and crazy and regain that inner child, it seems to be the most rational explanation for everything. I had to discover this, and what I have to say does sound crazy. I'm going to believe it. It can't be disproved, so who's to say that it's completely impossible. At least I believe I know what I am.
A lot of this has to do with my childhood. I've had these thoughts and feelings that I was on this planet for something big. Perhaps a message. Perhaps to save it. It's noble. It's also childish to believe that you, as a child, superhero cape or not, can save the world. But I'll do it... or at least set it in motion.
I've been depressed since at least the age of eight. Age eight was also when it gave itself, or at least let other people know, its name. So I guess it sort of goes beyond that. You could say Celerian was always a part of me, as far as I can tell. Actually, what you know as Brandon is probably more Celerian than Brandon, as Brandon was always just a shell. Its funny that I'm sure of this, but in convincing others, I almost have to feign uncertainty.
Maybe I should explain a bit more. Celerian has only been seen, thusfar, as a separate entity. Only recently, did he let me unveil that he was inside me all along. Ever feel like your spirit was crammed into the wrong body? Yeah. Celerian is a spirit that doesn't belong to "Brandon." See who gets the quotes now? But what exactly is Celerian supposed to be? Consider an amputee who recently lost an arm or a leg. He claims he can still feel it. This is because he was used to it, and in spirit, it is still there. Why then, as a child, I always felt I had different features? Sometimes just below the surface, sometimes much outside my body, I could (and can, mind you) feel things that were a part of me, but not there. Namely, wings.
Now, here's where you start to say I'm crazy, but remember what we're going for. Belief because insanity is no longer an option. Now, I won't say these wings are angelic. Nor are they demonic. I don't even really believe in either. But it's a hybrid of the two. Mostly torn, a little battered, from time and battle, but still usable working wings. There is something odd about them, something not perfect. And Celerian is not perfect. He is very close to being socially retarded. He has quite a few vices (and he's been letting it show). But he's fighting for some larger good. And he's mostly noble and loving.
Alright, what is he fighting for? Well, to save the world. Take a look around, our world is going to shit. Rather, your world is going to shit. Forget the shell, the spirit is the important thing here, and I'll continue fighting in whatever body I'm put into. I'll live quietly in the host. I'll find a niche in society, and I'll work from the angles I have to help spark the change that saves this planet. Or at least buys it some time.
How the hell do I save the world. That part, I'm not completely sure of. But as I've come to accept, Celerian isn't about to give up. If I have to start small, I will. I've come to realize that when certain people need me the most, and I tend to be drawn to them, or them me, I find myself in a guardianship status, making me a guardian angel of sorts. To my knowledge, I've done it once before. Here we go again. It fulfills me though, because I could be helping the person who is the one to save our planet. Or maybe just helping one person is saving a life.
Moreover, the message. This is what is important to you, my readers. I have a message for you, and when the time is right, you will all know. Until then, I will continue to do what is necessary to save the world.
I must also preface this little blurb with an explanation. Regardless of what you hold inside your heart and your head, the moment you quit telling yourself it's improbable and crazy and regain that inner child, it seems to be the most rational explanation for everything. I had to discover this, and what I have to say does sound crazy. I'm going to believe it. It can't be disproved, so who's to say that it's completely impossible. At least I believe I know what I am.
A lot of this has to do with my childhood. I've had these thoughts and feelings that I was on this planet for something big. Perhaps a message. Perhaps to save it. It's noble. It's also childish to believe that you, as a child, superhero cape or not, can save the world. But I'll do it... or at least set it in motion.
I've been depressed since at least the age of eight. Age eight was also when it gave itself, or at least let other people know, its name. So I guess it sort of goes beyond that. You could say Celerian was always a part of me, as far as I can tell. Actually, what you know as Brandon is probably more Celerian than Brandon, as Brandon was always just a shell. Its funny that I'm sure of this, but in convincing others, I almost have to feign uncertainty.
Maybe I should explain a bit more. Celerian has only been seen, thusfar, as a separate entity. Only recently, did he let me unveil that he was inside me all along. Ever feel like your spirit was crammed into the wrong body? Yeah. Celerian is a spirit that doesn't belong to "Brandon." See who gets the quotes now? But what exactly is Celerian supposed to be? Consider an amputee who recently lost an arm or a leg. He claims he can still feel it. This is because he was used to it, and in spirit, it is still there. Why then, as a child, I always felt I had different features? Sometimes just below the surface, sometimes much outside my body, I could (and can, mind you) feel things that were a part of me, but not there. Namely, wings.
Now, here's where you start to say I'm crazy, but remember what we're going for. Belief because insanity is no longer an option. Now, I won't say these wings are angelic. Nor are they demonic. I don't even really believe in either. But it's a hybrid of the two. Mostly torn, a little battered, from time and battle, but still usable working wings. There is something odd about them, something not perfect. And Celerian is not perfect. He is very close to being socially retarded. He has quite a few vices (and he's been letting it show). But he's fighting for some larger good. And he's mostly noble and loving.
Alright, what is he fighting for? Well, to save the world. Take a look around, our world is going to shit. Rather, your world is going to shit. Forget the shell, the spirit is the important thing here, and I'll continue fighting in whatever body I'm put into. I'll live quietly in the host. I'll find a niche in society, and I'll work from the angles I have to help spark the change that saves this planet. Or at least buys it some time.
How the hell do I save the world. That part, I'm not completely sure of. But as I've come to accept, Celerian isn't about to give up. If I have to start small, I will. I've come to realize that when certain people need me the most, and I tend to be drawn to them, or them me, I find myself in a guardianship status, making me a guardian angel of sorts. To my knowledge, I've done it once before. Here we go again. It fulfills me though, because I could be helping the person who is the one to save our planet. Or maybe just helping one person is saving a life.
Moreover, the message. This is what is important to you, my readers. I have a message for you, and when the time is right, you will all know. Until then, I will continue to do what is necessary to save the world.