Displacement of my soul...where did I go last night?
life isn't going as well as I'd like it too lately. Ryan hates me because I lied to him...I finally find happiness and then he rips it away from me because he doesn't care. So besides Kitty, Josh, and Tom for the time being, I've cut all of my ties and became a recluse again. I want a job so desperately...I want everything to return to normal and make it all better. I never wanted the secrecy...I never wanted this oblivios to all sort of life. Forbidden love is the most painful thing in the entirity of this world. I can't see Jess anymore...or talk to her because if I do, then I am gone forever. I hate all of this...no progression...no time...nothingness yet again has overcome my happiness.
So, I'm just sitting here in Tom's house wondering what else will happen...But I am enjoying seeing him again. I wish he could stay...I want him to stay. He genuinely cares and wants me to succeed. Ryan told me thaqt I am going nowhere and deserve to be in jail because I am a useless person. What gives him the right to judge...so maybe at this point in time, I am doing nothing with my life, but I do have ambitions and care. I don't want to live like this! I want a job, I want to go far with my life. So yeah, I got myself in trouble several times, and no it isn't good, but I just made a mistake. Some may say that all I do is make mistakes, but I don't care what think...People like Tom, Kitty, Josh, and Jess know I am a good person with some mistakes on my chains, but they know I will do something and they do see my attemp0ts at life and my devotion to it all. Granted I slack with it all sometimes, but don't we all? If I don't just do this for myself, then I'll do it for people like my sister and brother-in-law, and my best friend and the only girl who ever showed a shred of care. Those are the people who matter most. Not the people that think they are flawless and can do no wrong. Fuck negativity...fuck Jail, and no Ryan...FUCK YOU
So, I'm just sitting here in Tom's house wondering what else will happen...But I am enjoying seeing him again. I wish he could stay...I want him to stay. He genuinely cares and wants me to succeed. Ryan told me thaqt I am going nowhere and deserve to be in jail because I am a useless person. What gives him the right to judge...so maybe at this point in time, I am doing nothing with my life, but I do have ambitions and care. I don't want to live like this! I want a job, I want to go far with my life. So yeah, I got myself in trouble several times, and no it isn't good, but I just made a mistake. Some may say that all I do is make mistakes, but I don't care what think...People like Tom, Kitty, Josh, and Jess know I am a good person with some mistakes on my chains, but they know I will do something and they do see my attemp0ts at life and my devotion to it all. Granted I slack with it all sometimes, but don't we all? If I don't just do this for myself, then I'll do it for people like my sister and brother-in-law, and my best friend and the only girl who ever showed a shred of care. Those are the people who matter most. Not the people that think they are flawless and can do no wrong. Fuck negativity...fuck Jail, and no Ryan...FUCK YOU