wrought
something in me is confused. things are well, but my mind still doesn't stop. 99% of my life is improved or currently improving. i guess i just tend to get stuck on that one percent. i wonder sometimes if i try to create issues so i can have something to get over. subconsciously, of course. when some things are fine...why do i bother stirring them up? i have this whole conflict between totally protecting myself and being completely open. trying one way always comes into some sort of conflict. so then i try the other way, but only to similar results. maybe i just need to find that imaginary balance right in between.
i don't properly express myself a lot of the time. it's like i speak a language that no one but me can ever fully understand. it seems that it is in my nature to always want to repair, improve, and escalate the things in my life. i just really need to learn to completely let go. that is very hard for me to do though.
i feel somewhat emotional lately. and there's really no reason or need for it. maybe i'm not finding the proper channels and avenues to explore and expel my thoughts and feelings.
i just can't shake the feeling that something is missing. there's one last missing piece to the puzzle. and it kind of makes every other part useless without it. what's the point of having an almost complete and full picture if there's a gaping hole right in the center? that's the way it feels lately. almost good enough. one last, big step away from feeling complete.
this isn't meant to be depressing. i have just been very introspective lately. i'm wasting too much time on my thoughts when i could find better uses for my mind and energy. why am i not reading the many books i have yet to read? why am i not playing my new expensive guitar? why am i not learning or being creative or doing something meaningful with my life? the world may never know....
i don't properly express myself a lot of the time. it's like i speak a language that no one but me can ever fully understand. it seems that it is in my nature to always want to repair, improve, and escalate the things in my life. i just really need to learn to completely let go. that is very hard for me to do though.
i feel somewhat emotional lately. and there's really no reason or need for it. maybe i'm not finding the proper channels and avenues to explore and expel my thoughts and feelings.
i just can't shake the feeling that something is missing. there's one last missing piece to the puzzle. and it kind of makes every other part useless without it. what's the point of having an almost complete and full picture if there's a gaping hole right in the center? that's the way it feels lately. almost good enough. one last, big step away from feeling complete.
this isn't meant to be depressing. i have just been very introspective lately. i'm wasting too much time on my thoughts when i could find better uses for my mind and energy. why am i not reading the many books i have yet to read? why am i not playing my new expensive guitar? why am i not learning or being creative or doing something meaningful with my life? the world may never know....