Scene - me careening through the city on my favorite stretch of highway at top speed in my little red death trap, music blaring, etc.
I've been told before that the infamous bat flying out of hell would be left choking on the dust and grit I'd kick up while screeching around him. That should give you an idea of how I drive.
So yes. Soaring into the sunset with no other cars around me for at least a mile in both directions, wavering slightly within the lane from the gusting winds outside...truly a beautiful moment. I glance down briefly in search of my water bottle, assuming that no harm could come out of such a gorgeous moment.
Gorgeous, yes, until I look back up again and become acutely aware of the fact that I am hurtling directly towards something large, brown, and FLYING TOWARDS ME.
Thankfully my reflexes make up for what my car sometimes lacks, as I had to swerve wildly around this brown winged menace (nearly becoming guardrail décor in the process). Panting fiercely, I grab my rearview mirror with shaking hands and adjust it so I can see exactly what it was that was heading at me with such speed and determination.
And what do I see?
A DUCK. A fucking female mallard duck flew at my car. IN A FREEWAY CUTTING DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE ENTIRE GODDAMN CITY, mind you, but yes. A goddamn duck.
I continue down the road for another mile or so, knuckles white & teeth gritting, heart racing, COMPLETELY unable to relax and still on edge for reasons I can't quite discern when suddenly it dawns on me.
I was waiting for the dog to pop out and start laughing at me for missing it.
Yeeeeah.