[utterance]
So what is in store for me in the near future...?
All I see is what I have always seen. Under a roof, with a way to get around, a good job to support myself and mine, and I do it all with a smile on my face.
"If it can be dreamt, it can be done..."
My term has almost reached its halfway point. So far, it has been quite a ride. Never thought I would have done so much, learned so much in so little time. Ive been through obstacles left and right, as if I was living an episode of American Galdiators. The outer skin is thick. I have pretty much supressed all that has put me down before. Being able to go on through life itself, brushing the bad moments off my shoulder like dust, has been quite simple. Feels great to do so.
Indeed I've been to Hell and back before. Not afraid to go to Hell and back again. Figuratively speaking.
It felt like a car to car head-on collision. The world has some nasty people out there. I guess, it was God's way to test me on how I would be able to live life with these people provoking me. Have I passed the test? Probably. Maybe, the test has just begun. Probably so as well. God can really cause a good fiasco. Something unexpected.
[relationships]
Of course, we have heard it time and time again. Probably passed down generation to generation.
"No relationship is perfect."
I can admit that I am to blame for some. And I can say that some others the blame was on them. Some relationships seem they can last forever. Some seem as if it was better off not to have begun one in the first place. We have all been there. We have shared life with people that seemed "perfect" at the time. We have also shared life with people we wish didn't exist at all costs.
But we will never know what is out there in the real world if we don't give anything or anyone a chance, which is why we "guess and check" with as many people as we can to see what the world has in store for all of us, and then once we feel a bond that seems to outdo every other, we keep it, and go on from there.
This may just be me...
Right now? Pfft. Wow. Truely inspiring. Simple enough that I can just look 2 inches to my right, see this beloved smile surronded in a 6x8 picture frame, and know that my life is kept in God's safety till I go home again.
Love.
What is it? Seems to boggle the minds of all of us. Some may think it's this, and some may think it's that, while the rest can't find words to explain it period.
Me? I really don't know what love is anymore ever since Heather left me. I really don't. Maybe because I always said it to her, and she always said it back, and now we're nothing. So as if to say that "love failed us". Well, I really think that we just took it all to another level when it wasn't supposed to.
Love. -noun- [pronounced: "luhv"] 1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. 2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend. 3. sexual passion or desire. 4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
Now, I dunno about you, but when I think of love from my experiances? It is the feeling you get when you haven't spoken to this person and you feel that urge to do so again. When you like total crap when you and this other person have a lil quarrel. When you smile, when you see something that reminds you of this person. When you see their photograph, and your heart just melts in seconds. When you pray to God that everything between you two is alright. When God answers you, and everything is indeed alright. When you leave the room when they call, but stay in the room when any other person calls.
And at times? When you just cannot put good words together to describe how you feel about this person. Yet, your heart inside pounds like a drum.
I, myself, am not sure wether what I feel right now for Dae is something I should be taking into consideration to take to the next level. At least not at the moment, but holy cow, she makes me wanna fly. She makes me wanna lasso the moon and bring it down closer to Earth.
You bet, I like this girl like you couldn't imagine. She may be my opposite in other ways than being a female, of course. The Polo shirts and make-up, the R&B she listens to every morning before school, but as they say...
"Opposites attract..."
Her infatuation for Mustangs, horsepower, and not being afraid to get her hands dirty, wasn't all that caught my eye. It seems that we may have lived the same life without notice. Something we have been able to relate to time and time agian. Something she has been able to help me with, and something I have been able to help her with.
As if our anti-drug is each other.
We have been able to cope with problems the same way. Not once have I seen a problem.
I understand in every case, though, there will be the few that will try to sabotage the well being of the relationship. Of course, the ones currently in mine, failed. They failed before they even began. Little did they know, I am not an idiot. I am not stupid. The older people are, the more experiances they have gone through. I, unlike those who are poor at mind and heart, already know what it is like to get played with to think in a different way, and lead me away from happiness. I know what it is like to be scammed. So, if they were smart [enough], they would quit while theyre ahead. Or, if they choose to continue to and even TRY their feeble attempts to break us apart, it really isn't going to do any good. I already know who you all are AND the 3rd parties involved.
Trust me, I [also] know people.
Anyway.
What matters most is what I have in the palms of my hands today. I clench my fists on it so I won't lose my grasp. It has been what makes me walk the world with a smile and forget the nonsense and bullshit the world has in store for me.
She is indeed one of a kind. Special. Special to me. I do not ever want to let go...
...and to my lil Raiderette.
"Usted me termina. Usted significa el mundo a mí. Nunca le dejaré."
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This concludes my vent session. Have a good one, everyone.
-Me