Razorblade Apprentice
Title: Razorblade Apprentice
Author: hollow_strife
Beta Credit: torncorpse
Characters: Riku and Demyx
Word Count: 2,098
Rating: PG-13
Summary: This was it. He was finally going to let the darkness that ate at him win. He was finally going to give and become an empty shell of the person he once been.
Disclaimer: This is a total and complete work of fiction. I in no way own any of the character's mentioned in this work of fiction. I am not making any sort of profit off of this.
-----
Authors's Note: So this isn't going to make a lot of sense, but then again it wasn't meant to. I really, really have to work on something where Demyx is actually, you know, alive in the story and not just alive in Riku's memories. I swear, it will happen, one day soon. Anyway, this is what happens when I am sleep deprived and start coming up with weird plot bunnies that I decide to run with. Also, has anyone else noticed that I really like placing Riku in the darkness, or placing him in a spot where he's trying to fight it? Maybe because that's just the image of him that I have stuck in my mind.
------
There was a storm raging in the east, biding it's time until dusk came and swept the island into darkness so that it could descend upon it, unleashing it's wrath onto an unsuspecting world. Lightening flashed across the dimly lit sky, the only warning of what was to come.
It was an emotional storm, just as much as it was a physical storm, except for the fact that raging sea of emotions lay inside a young, silver haired male instead of in deepening sky. There was a rage, a painful sort of loss and sorrow, that had been built up and compressed until it simply had to be released. It had been left to lay doormat for too long, and on this night, this night when the sky would be shattered and broken by the lightening and thunder that raged across it and within it, a young man would break, with only a hope of ever becoming whole again.
This was it, Riku thought to himself as the pain seared across his chest, radiating it's way into his back, sliding down his spine and passing out into every bone and muscle in his body. This was what dying felt like. For surly he had to be dying, for no human being could possibly take this much pain and survive. It was a purely imagined pain, one that came from deep within the recesses of his mind. It was his heart, his soul, his mind that was suffering, not his physical body.
Riku could feel his chest clench tightly, painfully, his entire body fighting against the sensations that were currently assaulting it. He could all but feel his own heart, the one he had fought so hard to keep strong, had fought so hard to keep from fading into darkness, shatter inside of him. He could feel it splinter and break, shredding inside of the cavity in which it rested. It felt as if the world was falling down around him. As if the stars, clouded by the dark clouds that had claimed the sky, were falling down upon him. Little shards of light exploded behind his eyes as his hands grasped the window ledge tightly, praying that somehow the pain would pass and leave him whole.
Stupid boy, the voice sounded in his head, in his ears, and he fought against it with every ounce of strength he had left. You know you can't win this. You know you belong to the darkness, just as mush as you always have.
No, his own voice screamed. I belong here, here in the light. Here with my friends. Here where my memories can keep me strong and alive.
But aren't your memories the very thing that's destroying you? The voice answered back, the deep tenor that he had once used. That person, the person he had once allowed himself to become, was still inside of him, grasping and clawing, trying to make his way to the surface.
No, he screamed to himself again. No, his memories were the only thing keeping him sane. Even Sora hadn't proved strong enough to keep him from the darkness, not really. The only person who had ever been strong enough to do that was lost to him now, gone from this world into the next, leaving behind only memories of light. Memories that Riku now clung to, knowing they were the only thing strong enough to save him.
You never meant anything to him, you never meant a thing to this boy, to the memory of which you so desperately cling. How could you? He was incapable of feeling. He had no feelings for you, no feelings for or towards anything from the beginning. And you, ever so gullible, were stupid enough to believe his lies.
Riku could feel it, could feel the darkness pouring in around him, seeping into his vision and clouding it. He could already feel it encasing his heart, but he knew, deep down he knew, he couldn't give in. He had to fight. He could feel his own mind screaming, repeating the mantra of the name that had once slipped so easily from his lips.
That's not true! A voice screamed in his head, one that was not his own. One that he recognized, one that he would recognize anywhere. It was the voice of the one he had once loved, and loved still. The one who lived inside of him, the one who kept him sane and whole. This, this was his last defense against the menace who haunted him.
How do you know what my true feelings for Riku are? The voice held an edge of dangerous calm. How can you even begin to think that you could ever know how I feel about him? I love him. Get it? I love him, and you've already proven, more than once, that love is completely beyond your comprehension.
Yes, Riku's heart sang even as the voice spoke. Yes, he knew the truth, he knew that the blond haired man who had once been his everything had loved him, no matter what the people around them tried to claim. He had lost sight of that, the talk, the nonsense that had slowly but surely been drilled into his head by both Sora and Kairi had made him lose sight of what was real, of what mattered. And this was the result. Him almost losing himself to the darkness.
The voice inside of his head was silent, a sort of quiet dismissal of the younger entity that lived inside of him. You have no idea what love is, you're a nobody, you have no feelings. You're a heartless liar, literally. The deeper voice insulted, still trying to break the man whose subconscious was now his only home.
You're wrong. You're so wrong. The smooth voice played inside of his mind, inside of his abused and battered heart, healing him slowly from the inside out. Riku, you know he's wrong. You know he is.
I know. He could feel the darkness ebbing away, passing away into the light that was now feeding his mind, his heart, his soul. He could feel the dark presence inside of him dying slowly. This wasn't the first time he had forced his way in, and it wouldn't be the last. Riku knew, he felt it deep in his heart, that he had been lucky this time. Lucky that the older man, the one he was now left alone with in his own mind, he heard his screams, his pleas for help.
I'll always be here. The voice mummered softly, and Riku could swear he felt the gentle tickle of breath as it passed over his neck, over the shell of his ear. I'll always be here to help you, to keep you, to save you. You just have to remember Riku, you just have to believe.
I do remember! His mind screamed. I remember you! I remember the way you used to hold me and tell me that everything would be alright. I remember the way you used to kiss me and tell me you loved me. I remember! He could feel the tears start to leak from his tightly closed eyes even as the pain started to recede from his chest.
But you need to believe. The voice said, more quietly this time, and Riku could sense that his love was fading away, back into the darkness of his mind. You need to believe that what you felt was real. That what we had was real.
I believe in you. Riku whispered to himself, and he could feel the other smile, a soft upturning of the lips even as he faded away. Riku could feel the air surge back into his lungs and he released a breath he wasn't even aware he had been holding. The pain was gone, and whether it had been real or imagined it left him tired and breathless. His eyes remained tightly shut, trying desperately to hold on to the image he had in his mind of the blond haired, blue eyed boy who had once been, and still was, his everything.
His eyes opened slowly, his lids peeling back to reveal the calm of the sky. The physical storm had passed along with the mental, emotional one. He sighed as his hands slipped from the window ledge and he fell back, his knees giving out on him. Both from being kept in the same knelling position for so long, and from the sheer exhaustion he felt in every part of his body. He could feel the burning in his lungs start to dissipate, even as the painful ache in his heart remained.
He sat there, bathed in the beams of moonlight that passed through the thick plane of glass, the tears leaking out of his eyes, and he found himself unable to stop them. He didn't want to stop them. He wanted the pain, he wanted the sadness and sorrow. These things, these feelings reminded him that he was still alive, just as much as the memories did. It was there, in the pale moonlight that he felt two strong arms wrap around him. He relished in the feelings, even as small, soft kiss was placed to his neck, and words were whispered into his ear, before the feelings, the imagined entity disappeared all together. It was these moments, these times when he allowed his other to break free, to be strong enough to leave the confines of his mind, that he truly lived for.
It was these times that reminded him that he wasn't alone. He was stronger than the darkness that ate at his heart and mind. He was stronger, because he knew what love was. He knew what it felt like to love and be loved in return. And he knew because someone had loved him, and still did, more than they loved themself. He had always thought, always believed the Nobodies were incapable of feelings, but leave it to the one person who had been able to break though his tough outer exterior to prove him wrong.
Sighing deeply, he winced as he pulled and pushed himself up into and standing position. The pain, and the memory of the pain was gone, leaving behind a sort of glow that radiated from him, providing him the strength he needed to carry on. He may not belong to light, but the person who lived inside of him, the person he lived for, did. It was this, this light that had been shed on him from within, that allowed him to heal, to become whole again. It was this love, this memory of love, that allowed him to continue on.
He was at the door to his bedroom, the door wide open and ready for him to walk out of it, leaving his own personal world of darkness behind, taking with it all of demons that had haunted him so completely. Turning, his sea green eyes shone in the dim light, and for a moment, he saw the man who haunted his waking thoughts and the dreams he experienced when he was asleep. A smile crossed his graceful features even as his mind whispered the words he now truly and fully believed were true. I love you Demyx, I always have and I always will. Thank you for reminding me of that.
The figure faded away, a serene smile on his lips even as his voice sounded in Riku's mind, a veritable melody of spoken words, even as they repeated and verified what Riku already knew. I love you too, slipped into his mind, even as the smile on his face became bigger, brighter, mirroring the one he had seen grace the face of his lover many times. The darkness was behind him, and it was time to walk out into the light. His light would be there when he got back. Just as he had promised so long ago. His light would always be there, waiting for him. Guiding his path through the darkness. His light was safe and whole, buried deep inside of him, where the darkness couldn't reach. His light was there, as long as the love he remembered and felt was there so would be his light. The promise of that was enough, would have to be enough to make up for the fact that his love was no longer in the physical world. It belonged and existed in his world. In his world, the light was the only thing that mattered.
Author: hollow_strife
Beta Credit: torncorpse
Characters: Riku and Demyx
Word Count: 2,098
Rating: PG-13
Summary: This was it. He was finally going to let the darkness that ate at him win. He was finally going to give and become an empty shell of the person he once been.
Disclaimer: This is a total and complete work of fiction. I in no way own any of the character's mentioned in this work of fiction. I am not making any sort of profit off of this.
-----
Authors's Note: So this isn't going to make a lot of sense, but then again it wasn't meant to. I really, really have to work on something where Demyx is actually, you know, alive in the story and not just alive in Riku's memories. I swear, it will happen, one day soon. Anyway, this is what happens when I am sleep deprived and start coming up with weird plot bunnies that I decide to run with. Also, has anyone else noticed that I really like placing Riku in the darkness, or placing him in a spot where he's trying to fight it? Maybe because that's just the image of him that I have stuck in my mind.
------
There was a storm raging in the east, biding it's time until dusk came and swept the island into darkness so that it could descend upon it, unleashing it's wrath onto an unsuspecting world. Lightening flashed across the dimly lit sky, the only warning of what was to come.
It was an emotional storm, just as much as it was a physical storm, except for the fact that raging sea of emotions lay inside a young, silver haired male instead of in deepening sky. There was a rage, a painful sort of loss and sorrow, that had been built up and compressed until it simply had to be released. It had been left to lay doormat for too long, and on this night, this night when the sky would be shattered and broken by the lightening and thunder that raged across it and within it, a young man would break, with only a hope of ever becoming whole again.
This was it, Riku thought to himself as the pain seared across his chest, radiating it's way into his back, sliding down his spine and passing out into every bone and muscle in his body. This was what dying felt like. For surly he had to be dying, for no human being could possibly take this much pain and survive. It was a purely imagined pain, one that came from deep within the recesses of his mind. It was his heart, his soul, his mind that was suffering, not his physical body.
Riku could feel his chest clench tightly, painfully, his entire body fighting against the sensations that were currently assaulting it. He could all but feel his own heart, the one he had fought so hard to keep strong, had fought so hard to keep from fading into darkness, shatter inside of him. He could feel it splinter and break, shredding inside of the cavity in which it rested. It felt as if the world was falling down around him. As if the stars, clouded by the dark clouds that had claimed the sky, were falling down upon him. Little shards of light exploded behind his eyes as his hands grasped the window ledge tightly, praying that somehow the pain would pass and leave him whole.
Stupid boy, the voice sounded in his head, in his ears, and he fought against it with every ounce of strength he had left. You know you can't win this. You know you belong to the darkness, just as mush as you always have.
No, his own voice screamed. I belong here, here in the light. Here with my friends. Here where my memories can keep me strong and alive.
But aren't your memories the very thing that's destroying you? The voice answered back, the deep tenor that he had once used. That person, the person he had once allowed himself to become, was still inside of him, grasping and clawing, trying to make his way to the surface.
No, he screamed to himself again. No, his memories were the only thing keeping him sane. Even Sora hadn't proved strong enough to keep him from the darkness, not really. The only person who had ever been strong enough to do that was lost to him now, gone from this world into the next, leaving behind only memories of light. Memories that Riku now clung to, knowing they were the only thing strong enough to save him.
You never meant anything to him, you never meant a thing to this boy, to the memory of which you so desperately cling. How could you? He was incapable of feeling. He had no feelings for you, no feelings for or towards anything from the beginning. And you, ever so gullible, were stupid enough to believe his lies.
Riku could feel it, could feel the darkness pouring in around him, seeping into his vision and clouding it. He could already feel it encasing his heart, but he knew, deep down he knew, he couldn't give in. He had to fight. He could feel his own mind screaming, repeating the mantra of the name that had once slipped so easily from his lips.
That's not true! A voice screamed in his head, one that was not his own. One that he recognized, one that he would recognize anywhere. It was the voice of the one he had once loved, and loved still. The one who lived inside of him, the one who kept him sane and whole. This, this was his last defense against the menace who haunted him.
How do you know what my true feelings for Riku are? The voice held an edge of dangerous calm. How can you even begin to think that you could ever know how I feel about him? I love him. Get it? I love him, and you've already proven, more than once, that love is completely beyond your comprehension.
Yes, Riku's heart sang even as the voice spoke. Yes, he knew the truth, he knew that the blond haired man who had once been his everything had loved him, no matter what the people around them tried to claim. He had lost sight of that, the talk, the nonsense that had slowly but surely been drilled into his head by both Sora and Kairi had made him lose sight of what was real, of what mattered. And this was the result. Him almost losing himself to the darkness.
The voice inside of his head was silent, a sort of quiet dismissal of the younger entity that lived inside of him. You have no idea what love is, you're a nobody, you have no feelings. You're a heartless liar, literally. The deeper voice insulted, still trying to break the man whose subconscious was now his only home.
You're wrong. You're so wrong. The smooth voice played inside of his mind, inside of his abused and battered heart, healing him slowly from the inside out. Riku, you know he's wrong. You know he is.
I know. He could feel the darkness ebbing away, passing away into the light that was now feeding his mind, his heart, his soul. He could feel the dark presence inside of him dying slowly. This wasn't the first time he had forced his way in, and it wouldn't be the last. Riku knew, he felt it deep in his heart, that he had been lucky this time. Lucky that the older man, the one he was now left alone with in his own mind, he heard his screams, his pleas for help.
I'll always be here. The voice mummered softly, and Riku could swear he felt the gentle tickle of breath as it passed over his neck, over the shell of his ear. I'll always be here to help you, to keep you, to save you. You just have to remember Riku, you just have to believe.
I do remember! His mind screamed. I remember you! I remember the way you used to hold me and tell me that everything would be alright. I remember the way you used to kiss me and tell me you loved me. I remember! He could feel the tears start to leak from his tightly closed eyes even as the pain started to recede from his chest.
But you need to believe. The voice said, more quietly this time, and Riku could sense that his love was fading away, back into the darkness of his mind. You need to believe that what you felt was real. That what we had was real.
I believe in you. Riku whispered to himself, and he could feel the other smile, a soft upturning of the lips even as he faded away. Riku could feel the air surge back into his lungs and he released a breath he wasn't even aware he had been holding. The pain was gone, and whether it had been real or imagined it left him tired and breathless. His eyes remained tightly shut, trying desperately to hold on to the image he had in his mind of the blond haired, blue eyed boy who had once been, and still was, his everything.
His eyes opened slowly, his lids peeling back to reveal the calm of the sky. The physical storm had passed along with the mental, emotional one. He sighed as his hands slipped from the window ledge and he fell back, his knees giving out on him. Both from being kept in the same knelling position for so long, and from the sheer exhaustion he felt in every part of his body. He could feel the burning in his lungs start to dissipate, even as the painful ache in his heart remained.
He sat there, bathed in the beams of moonlight that passed through the thick plane of glass, the tears leaking out of his eyes, and he found himself unable to stop them. He didn't want to stop them. He wanted the pain, he wanted the sadness and sorrow. These things, these feelings reminded him that he was still alive, just as much as the memories did. It was there, in the pale moonlight that he felt two strong arms wrap around him. He relished in the feelings, even as small, soft kiss was placed to his neck, and words were whispered into his ear, before the feelings, the imagined entity disappeared all together. It was these moments, these times when he allowed his other to break free, to be strong enough to leave the confines of his mind, that he truly lived for.
It was these times that reminded him that he wasn't alone. He was stronger than the darkness that ate at his heart and mind. He was stronger, because he knew what love was. He knew what it felt like to love and be loved in return. And he knew because someone had loved him, and still did, more than they loved themself. He had always thought, always believed the Nobodies were incapable of feelings, but leave it to the one person who had been able to break though his tough outer exterior to prove him wrong.
Sighing deeply, he winced as he pulled and pushed himself up into and standing position. The pain, and the memory of the pain was gone, leaving behind a sort of glow that radiated from him, providing him the strength he needed to carry on. He may not belong to light, but the person who lived inside of him, the person he lived for, did. It was this, this light that had been shed on him from within, that allowed him to heal, to become whole again. It was this love, this memory of love, that allowed him to continue on.
He was at the door to his bedroom, the door wide open and ready for him to walk out of it, leaving his own personal world of darkness behind, taking with it all of demons that had haunted him so completely. Turning, his sea green eyes shone in the dim light, and for a moment, he saw the man who haunted his waking thoughts and the dreams he experienced when he was asleep. A smile crossed his graceful features even as his mind whispered the words he now truly and fully believed were true. I love you Demyx, I always have and I always will. Thank you for reminding me of that.
The figure faded away, a serene smile on his lips even as his voice sounded in Riku's mind, a veritable melody of spoken words, even as they repeated and verified what Riku already knew. I love you too, slipped into his mind, even as the smile on his face became bigger, brighter, mirroring the one he had seen grace the face of his lover many times. The darkness was behind him, and it was time to walk out into the light. His light would be there when he got back. Just as he had promised so long ago. His light would always be there, waiting for him. Guiding his path through the darkness. His light was safe and whole, buried deep inside of him, where the darkness couldn't reach. His light was there, as long as the love he remembered and felt was there so would be his light. The promise of that was enough, would have to be enough to make up for the fact that his love was no longer in the physical world. It belonged and existed in his world. In his world, the light was the only thing that mattered.