(no subject)
well friends, it appears that this will truly be my last time on livejournal. i know i've said this before, but i have no options left as of now. despite what my parents have said, i have a feeling that they shall continue to peek into my life by searching on my computer and reading my journal, and i figure it best if i just end it now. i won't see the majority of you until school starts, some of you sooner, some later. but i figure that i'll take this chance to tell everyone some things that i can't seem to find the words to say to them face-to-face.
jenn: i really wish that you and i could find a way to get close...actually, not even close, i just wish we could actually be able to hang out. i know i may not exactly be your cup of tea, but we haven't gotten to hang out since... well, since prom! you are a great girl, and i miss the days (way back when) when we were close friends. i know i've done a lot to piss you off over the years and i'm sorry for that.
rita: i miss my grilled cheese woman! we don't hang out anymore and i miss it terribly. i know that you have jenn and all your other friends that you are close to, and you are more of a social person, not one-on-one, but if you think you could stand it, i'd like to hang out some time. i must admit, we have an interesting past (all off-and-on and such) and we have terrible timing, but it sure makes things interesting. and this is your last year, you old fart, you! you need to come over some time when my parents are gone so that we can order pizza and change outfits every half hour again!
greg: we've definitely had our difference in the past two years, but i'd really like to get together with you again. you've taught me a lot about relationships, and i don't just mean as two people dating, as two people being friends. you were the first guy that i've ever been actual friends with, and i miss that terribly. i'd really like to hang out with you some more this year, i miss my greggy-poo. and i don't think i can say this enough- you and jenn are absolutely adorable together and i'm so unbelievably happy for the two of you!
jericka: i've been quite an ass to you lately. the fear of my own parents has interfered with us hanging out, and i'm so sorry about that. i promised three people that i would do anything for them, absolutely anything, and you were one of the three. i cannot explain the regret that i feel due to my actions, and i am going to make it up to you, even if it takes a decade or two. and even if you don't end up staying in indiana for your college career, i'll make sure we're college buddies, i'll come find you in washington or where ever life takes you. lately i've been a shitty friend, but i've probably been most neglectful to you. it's not exactly easy since you do live a fair ways away, but that shouldn't matter. well, it doesn't, but i've let my parents use that as an excuse, and i shouldn't. i love you, jericka, and i'm going to make this summer up to you one way or another, i promise you that.
aaron: we aren't close at all which i'm deeply saddened about. you are one of the most interesting characters i've ever run across and i wish i could magically become close to you and that i could know what goes on in your head, i am most curious about you out of all of my friends, i must admit. you have such an interesting life and i'd like to become more of a part in it, but i also realize that you already have enough friends to last you a life time and compared to those you are close to, i'm as interesting as a broom handle. but if you ever get bored off your ass while off living the college life and you're searching for some fun highschool action ::rolls eyes::, i pray that you'll think of me every now and then.
krissy: we started to get close last year for a short amount of time, but i think i pissed you off more than i interested you. we had some great times together, and some embarrassing ones just the same, and i enjoyed it so much. you were a breath of fresh air, something completely new and interesting and i loved hanging out with you, but i don't think i provided you with the same thoughts or feelings. i've been wanting to hang out with you over the summer, but i've been too afraid to call. i know i'm not your favorite person and i know i piss you off a lot (your words, not mine), but i'd really like to hang out with you again. it can even be in a group setting, i won't put you through the one-on-one thing that i thrive on so much. and i'm not sure if i've told you this or not but i'm so happy for you that you have found andrew. you two are so cute the way you are always wrapped in eachothers arms all the time, and i'm so jealous that you two are so close. i dream of being that close to spencer, both physically and mentally, but getting to see him once a month doesn't allow the physical closeness, and him not being a phone person doesn't allow us to be mentally close either. i'm not sure what your current feelings are towards me, nor am i sure of andrew's, but i'd really like to spend some time with each of you. the few times i've talked to andrew he's been a really sweet guy, and i love watching the two of you together, it just makes my day.
travis: i don't think you get on here anymore, but none the less... i really hope that we can find time to hang out, and like i said, i don't mind if other people are around. lately i've had to just face reality and get over the fact that i can't be as close to people as i'd like to be. we've certainly had our problems, but that's been because of me and my bitchy moods and that is probably why we aren't as close as we could be. you are the kind of guy to put that all behind you and to forgive and forget, and i'm very thankful for that. i realize that it seems other ways at times, if not all the time, but i'm very happy for you and brittany. you have brought eachother a lot of happiness, and i'm so thankful to be able to see brittany be happy with where she is in life (although she won't always admit it), and i'm glad to know that you are as happy as she is.
mom and dad: i really wish you guys could have enough trust in me to know that i'd come to you with anything serious. as much as you don't trust me, i think my distrust in you has now grown to that aswell. spying and sneaking around in my room and in my life has greatly impacted my thoughts. i feel that i now have to hide things from you, whether they are in need of being hidden or not! this has put a great damper on our relationship, and i think that i should tell you that. i told you that i had cut, i told you that i smoke, i've even come to you when i feel the need to cut, and that was unbelievably hard. after sharing everything with you when there's been almost no relationship and having you guys go behind my back the way you have has hurt me in so many ways it's completely unthinkable. if you are honestly trying not to hurt your daughter and trying to make things better for our relationship, i want to let you know that you just killed all my efforts to help you with that. the mental wounds this event has left are not going to leave me, i'm not sure that they'll create scars, i don't think they will heal! a person needs their privacy, and you cannot provide me with that and i'm not sure that i can trust you if you say that you will. ever since you've tried to make things better at home they've been getting worse. i don't megan's warnings to come true any more than you do, but you're making it quite a task.
jenn: i really wish that you and i could find a way to get close...actually, not even close, i just wish we could actually be able to hang out. i know i may not exactly be your cup of tea, but we haven't gotten to hang out since... well, since prom! you are a great girl, and i miss the days (way back when) when we were close friends. i know i've done a lot to piss you off over the years and i'm sorry for that.
rita: i miss my grilled cheese woman! we don't hang out anymore and i miss it terribly. i know that you have jenn and all your other friends that you are close to, and you are more of a social person, not one-on-one, but if you think you could stand it, i'd like to hang out some time. i must admit, we have an interesting past (all off-and-on and such) and we have terrible timing, but it sure makes things interesting. and this is your last year, you old fart, you! you need to come over some time when my parents are gone so that we can order pizza and change outfits every half hour again!
greg: we've definitely had our difference in the past two years, but i'd really like to get together with you again. you've taught me a lot about relationships, and i don't just mean as two people dating, as two people being friends. you were the first guy that i've ever been actual friends with, and i miss that terribly. i'd really like to hang out with you some more this year, i miss my greggy-poo. and i don't think i can say this enough- you and jenn are absolutely adorable together and i'm so unbelievably happy for the two of you!
jericka: i've been quite an ass to you lately. the fear of my own parents has interfered with us hanging out, and i'm so sorry about that. i promised three people that i would do anything for them, absolutely anything, and you were one of the three. i cannot explain the regret that i feel due to my actions, and i am going to make it up to you, even if it takes a decade or two. and even if you don't end up staying in indiana for your college career, i'll make sure we're college buddies, i'll come find you in washington or where ever life takes you. lately i've been a shitty friend, but i've probably been most neglectful to you. it's not exactly easy since you do live a fair ways away, but that shouldn't matter. well, it doesn't, but i've let my parents use that as an excuse, and i shouldn't. i love you, jericka, and i'm going to make this summer up to you one way or another, i promise you that.
aaron: we aren't close at all which i'm deeply saddened about. you are one of the most interesting characters i've ever run across and i wish i could magically become close to you and that i could know what goes on in your head, i am most curious about you out of all of my friends, i must admit. you have such an interesting life and i'd like to become more of a part in it, but i also realize that you already have enough friends to last you a life time and compared to those you are close to, i'm as interesting as a broom handle. but if you ever get bored off your ass while off living the college life and you're searching for some fun highschool action ::rolls eyes::, i pray that you'll think of me every now and then.
krissy: we started to get close last year for a short amount of time, but i think i pissed you off more than i interested you. we had some great times together, and some embarrassing ones just the same, and i enjoyed it so much. you were a breath of fresh air, something completely new and interesting and i loved hanging out with you, but i don't think i provided you with the same thoughts or feelings. i've been wanting to hang out with you over the summer, but i've been too afraid to call. i know i'm not your favorite person and i know i piss you off a lot (your words, not mine), but i'd really like to hang out with you again. it can even be in a group setting, i won't put you through the one-on-one thing that i thrive on so much. and i'm not sure if i've told you this or not but i'm so happy for you that you have found andrew. you two are so cute the way you are always wrapped in eachothers arms all the time, and i'm so jealous that you two are so close. i dream of being that close to spencer, both physically and mentally, but getting to see him once a month doesn't allow the physical closeness, and him not being a phone person doesn't allow us to be mentally close either. i'm not sure what your current feelings are towards me, nor am i sure of andrew's, but i'd really like to spend some time with each of you. the few times i've talked to andrew he's been a really sweet guy, and i love watching the two of you together, it just makes my day.
travis: i don't think you get on here anymore, but none the less... i really hope that we can find time to hang out, and like i said, i don't mind if other people are around. lately i've had to just face reality and get over the fact that i can't be as close to people as i'd like to be. we've certainly had our problems, but that's been because of me and my bitchy moods and that is probably why we aren't as close as we could be. you are the kind of guy to put that all behind you and to forgive and forget, and i'm very thankful for that. i realize that it seems other ways at times, if not all the time, but i'm very happy for you and brittany. you have brought eachother a lot of happiness, and i'm so thankful to be able to see brittany be happy with where she is in life (although she won't always admit it), and i'm glad to know that you are as happy as she is.
mom and dad: i really wish you guys could have enough trust in me to know that i'd come to you with anything serious. as much as you don't trust me, i think my distrust in you has now grown to that aswell. spying and sneaking around in my room and in my life has greatly impacted my thoughts. i feel that i now have to hide things from you, whether they are in need of being hidden or not! this has put a great damper on our relationship, and i think that i should tell you that. i told you that i had cut, i told you that i smoke, i've even come to you when i feel the need to cut, and that was unbelievably hard. after sharing everything with you when there's been almost no relationship and having you guys go behind my back the way you have has hurt me in so many ways it's completely unthinkable. if you are honestly trying not to hurt your daughter and trying to make things better for our relationship, i want to let you know that you just killed all my efforts to help you with that. the mental wounds this event has left are not going to leave me, i'm not sure that they'll create scars, i don't think they will heal! a person needs their privacy, and you cannot provide me with that and i'm not sure that i can trust you if you say that you will. ever since you've tried to make things better at home they've been getting worse. i don't megan's warnings to come true any more than you do, but you're making it quite a task.