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Jan 16, 2010 20:30


I have not made an update from where I am now currently sitting in one thousand four hundred and sixty one days.

The same squeaky swivel chair.
The same desk lamp and standing lamp lurching in the corner giving off their dull yellow color, making for a dimly lit room still full of the same mess that's always been here.
It's like this place is held in some kind of stasis...it makes me wonder how my mother is doing here, while being alone.

Today was a contiuation of yesterday's rude awakening, yesterday's set of instructions while I perform the simplest tasks, and yesterday's everything. I go back through blurred memories of when, somehow, David, my mom, and myself all lived here together.
But it did. Everything did, really.
My elementary school is no more than two blocks away.
My middle school is 3 stops down on lightrail.
My high school is 5 stops down on light rail.
And I started my college career just down the road.

Although, that's where I feel like there's some kind of schism in my identity.
Some of my fondest, but least recalled memories from youth and onward came from my summers. My summers always took me somewhere else. To a friend's house where we'd stay up all night playing video games. To the foothills of the Sierra Nevada to a place called Camp Okizu, where I would spend my days with things like archery and learning to craft friendship bracelets. Each summer started to take me to further places it would seem. When I was in middle school my cousin Mason invited me along to travel with his family to Disney World and the Florida Keys. After that came the warm, humid summers in the city of Wayne. I even made my way out across the ocean to Japan. At home I was compliant, quiet, and doubtful. I did schoolwork, and nothing else.
But in the summer (and winter too, I suppose), I stayed up all night laughing and talking about how I'd make my own game. I was the one kid in camp who took archery as both (we did 2 actitivies for the week we were there) activities and set the camp record. I was a travelling boy of California from the heart of the state itself; a member of another family, a member of a larger clan. I was not who I was at home, it always felt like.

[The one thing I never liked from either end of things were dances. I eventually came to associate dances with watching girls I had crushes on going off to dance with all the boys who were jerks. I have yet to have my own slow-dance.]

I wonder where I will be next summer.
And I also wonder what will come when I am done with school, when summer is no longer that definitive time of pausing between classes.
I do know that I want to travel more; I'd like to go to Europe some day, especially a place like Spain.

But, the present day.
We did go out to see a movie today though. We went to the Century Stadium theaters with David and my Dad, and we saw Avatar in 3D. It wa certainly different...but I could see what the reviewers meant by the "white savior" theme. The Na'vi heavily drew on African culture, most directly from the phrase "I see you" I liked watching them sink their arrows into the human soldiers though. When you seem them firing it seems normal, because everything is to scale. But that relationship instantly vanishes when the human soldiers get skewered by arrows as large as spears. We also did some survey for "prototype 3D glasses" and got fifteen dollar gift certificates for the theater. I could see two matinees with that money.

Last night out with Joe and Oscar was fairly amusing.
And it wasn't that my timing was off, I had no real intention of doing anything but listening to music.
I don't know about the whole bar and club scene, really...it doesn't make much sense, or appeal to me.
I like the idea of seeing live venues, and having a drink of beer, but otherwise it's all just a facade. Fake people wearing fake faces trying to capture some kind of magic by making themselves as contrary to the person standing next to them.
One thing that was fun was when Oscar and I, spontaneously and for the hell of it, arm wrestled. 4 People threw down money on us! Enough to get us an appetizer platter afterwards at Lyon's.

And Oscar left his pseudo-militant hat in my car.

Oh, the best part yet of today. I had made it a point to get my mom's new printer setup early in the day. Everything was going fine until I ran until one problem: it came with no means to interface with the computer. It's odd: on the picture frame of all the included parts in the box, there is no USB-printer cable...but then, about the 5th step into the instructions, it says to hook up your computer to the printer with this absolutely necessary part. Genius, pure genius. So I can't print my application for FTB here, and time is always drawing nearer. I have until the 19th, I believe.

Tomorrow I am going to go by CSUS and see about that position at the thermal plant.
If that doesn't work, I may have other options, but we'll see.

I'm also making good progress on Jesu.
And I do, but don't want to learn the next song which Greg had lined up for me.
Ambivalence is the most richly flavored of emotions, in my opinion.

Tomorrow.
It will be the same, and it won't.

travel, life, school, okizu, college, mom, avatar, myself, summer

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