(no subject)

[hollow_heart07]

I really feel like shit right now. I found out that my ex thinks that I am ugly and that he has a crush on one of my friends on the soccer team. I cant blame him for liking her, she is a really nice person and everything. When I found out that he liked her and how he thought I was bad looking I just started to cry. I stopped crying long enough to call Jill but she couldn't talk on the phone and I didn't want to get online. I swear that I feel like he just dumped me all over again. Maybe he just dated me because he was desperate like everyone said. While I am writing this I am still crying. I never thought that I could care about a guy so much that it would hurt me like this. I have always been the type to try and push people away when I think they are getting too close but I made the mistake to let him in and now no matter what I do I cant get him out. Towards the end I really tried to push him out because I knew he would end up hurting me. I feel really stupid writing this right now but I don't know what else to do. I really thought after I seen him at the football game last night that he liked me because someone I really trust and consider one of my best friends told me he was looking at me a lot. But I guess he never did care about me and that he never will. I deserve to be miserable right now, I know when I was dating him I was far from the perfect girlfriend. It is all my fault I let all of this happen.

I am supposed to transfer into his honors geometry class in order to avoid Mrs. Robert's (she really hates me she gave me three cards the first day of school!) class again this year. I told my mom that I didn't want to transfer into that class because of him and I think she understands so I don't think she will force me to go. I swear if she makes me go into that class I seriously don't know what I would do. I just want to forget about him buy yet I cant