Thinking alot
Today was sort of a boring day. All I did was spend most of the day around the house and then went to see a movie. I zoned-out (fell asleep) during the movie a little. I didn't even realize I did it until my friends told me. I guess I have just had a lot on my mind and haven't been able to sleep much. My parents have been driving me nuts lately about my grades. I use to have a perfect 4.0 and then this year I finished my freshman year with a less then perfect grade point average. Today on the way to pick krystal up my parents mentioned my grades again in the car and I was already stressed out that we couldn't find her house so I just started yelling back at them. Then when krystal got in they turned into there super-nice mode like they always do when people are around. It isn't like I don't feel bad enough already about being dumb. I am like the black sheep of my family. My parents have been paying a tutor to help me with my Spanish over the summer. I like my Spanish tutor she is actually really nice unlike my Spanish teacher I had this year. She seems to think I understand it and that I just need to learn how to relax more on tests. Hopefully I do much better this year.
Last Wednesday at the end of practice I quit the basketball team. I haven't told anyone yet. I don't even know why I did it. I guess I just got frustrated like I always do. The coach told me not to quit and how I should give it another year. He said that my main problem is that I don't have any confidence in myself. I guess I am always just afraid of messing up. When the coach asks if I want to be put in I always say no and make up some type of excuse. I just don't want people to get mad at me or hate me if I mess up. I honestly do not know what to do? Lately I have just been acting like everything is fine when really I do not know what the hell to think.
I still feel guilty about kissing TJ. I don't know why but I do. It felt really good when he was kissing me but then I would think about was my ex and start to back away from TJ. I don't understand why I just cant let him go. He is a complete asshole to me most of the time and yet I keep going back for more. When I said I cared about him I wasn't lying like he was. All I need is to hear him say that there is no chance for us and I will try to move on. When I talked to him tonight and asked him what he was doing he said "waiting". I asked him about it and he got defensive again. It is really driving me nuts, what was he waiting on that he got so defensive when I asked him about it??????????????????????????
Well I am going to go try to sleep
Last Wednesday at the end of practice I quit the basketball team. I haven't told anyone yet. I don't even know why I did it. I guess I just got frustrated like I always do. The coach told me not to quit and how I should give it another year. He said that my main problem is that I don't have any confidence in myself. I guess I am always just afraid of messing up. When the coach asks if I want to be put in I always say no and make up some type of excuse. I just don't want people to get mad at me or hate me if I mess up. I honestly do not know what to do? Lately I have just been acting like everything is fine when really I do not know what the hell to think.
I still feel guilty about kissing TJ. I don't know why but I do. It felt really good when he was kissing me but then I would think about was my ex and start to back away from TJ. I don't understand why I just cant let him go. He is a complete asshole to me most of the time and yet I keep going back for more. When I said I cared about him I wasn't lying like he was. All I need is to hear him say that there is no chance for us and I will try to move on. When I talked to him tonight and asked him what he was doing he said "waiting". I asked him about it and he got defensive again. It is really driving me nuts, what was he waiting on that he got so defensive when I asked him about it??????????????????????????
Well I am going to go try to sleep