Well. This will be my first time communicating with you in months. And I couldn't even decide if I wanted to or not. If you get this message, apparently I posted it.
I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about this situation quite a bit over the past few months. And I'd also be lying if I said I didn't miss you.
You always used to say that you thought you didn't matter to the "group," but I always used to tell you that you did. I still stand by that.
But you've done a LOT of crappy things to the people who care about you and to the people you care about. You didn't have to separate yourself from us just because you were feeling left out. You were as much a part of "the group" as anyone else was. It always feels kind of empty without you around, now. Ell may have always come up with ideas of what to do, but mostly because no one else had much of an opinion on it.
I'm glad you apologized, but I also think I deserve more than a "by the way" at the end of a LJ post. Your leaving almost completely uprooted the "group," and even though it managed to survive, it's still not the same.
I can't decide if I'm still furiously angry with you or not. I miss your friendship, and I miss having someone to talk to about things. But I hate how you change your mind so much, and I hate how you insist on creating drama when there shouldn't be any. You were my best friend, and best friends don't just abandon each other... ESPECIALLY when their lives may be hell.
I may or may not have been wrong to want you to just call off the friendship altogether. I mean, that is what you seemed to want. But you had to understand that I couldn't deal with just being "acquaintances" with someone I had known since 5th grade. The concept was entirely ridiculous to me, as was this "break-up" we had among the group.
I don't know what I expect from you, now. And I don't know what to think of you. I'd feel terrible if I didn't keep to my word, but I'd feel like a jerk if I didn't try to amend things.
So. I'll leave it in your hands. If you want to talk to me about this, IM me sometime. I never blocked you. If not, then don't.
I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about this situation quite a bit over the past few months. And I'd also be lying if I said I didn't miss you.
You always used to say that you thought you didn't matter to the "group," but I always used to tell you that you did. I still stand by that.
But you've done a LOT of crappy things to the people who care about you and to the people you care about. You didn't have to separate yourself from us just because you were feeling left out. You were as much a part of "the group" as anyone else was. It always feels kind of empty without you around, now. Ell may have always come up with ideas of what to do, but mostly because no one else had much of an opinion on it.
I'm glad you apologized, but I also think I deserve more than a "by the way" at the end of a LJ post. Your leaving almost completely uprooted the "group," and even though it managed to survive, it's still not the same.
I can't decide if I'm still furiously angry with you or not. I miss your friendship, and I miss having someone to talk to about things. But I hate how you change your mind so much, and I hate how you insist on creating drama when there shouldn't be any. You were my best friend, and best friends don't just abandon each other... ESPECIALLY when their lives may be hell.
I may or may not have been wrong to want you to just call off the friendship altogether. I mean, that is what you seemed to want. But you had to understand that I couldn't deal with just being "acquaintances" with someone I had known since 5th grade. The concept was entirely ridiculous to me, as was this "break-up" we had among the group.
I don't know what I expect from you, now. And I don't know what to think of you. I'd feel terrible if I didn't keep to my word, but I'd feel like a jerk if I didn't try to amend things.
So. I'll leave it in your hands. If you want to talk to me about this, IM me sometime. I never blocked you. If not, then don't.
I have to go to work.
-Ana.
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