Second Chance at Love....chapter 49
Sad Dave. Emotional Idol Performance. Yeah, this chapter took me like 3 days to write.
It was Idol finale night and David was set to perform Permanent tonight in Adam’s honor. They were making the performance a special Itunes charity single with all proceeds going to ABC2. David didn’t want to postpone this performance or any more tour dates, didn’t want to disappoint his fans any more, and he honestly needed the distraction, despite Abbi and Neal trying to convince him otherwise.”I’m fine you guys. I can handle this.” David said that afternoon as they prepared for sound check. “Are you sure Dave? You don’t have to do this.” Abbi said. “I’m FINE. I can get through it.” David said. “The last time you performed this song you broke off before the last line and couldn’t finish D.” Neal said looking at him. “I. can. do. this.” David said, trying to prove his point to them. “Okay, fine. You can do it.” Neal said as Debbie the Idol stage manager called them on stage for rehearsal.
As Abbi took her seat in the audience to watch their rehearsal she hoped that he could get through this song. As Andy started playing the opening notes of the song Abbi closed her eyes and listened to David’s voice sing the most emotional song he’d ever written. David got halfway through the rehearsal and right before the band kicked in for the final part of the song David’s voice broke and he stopped singing. Abbi opened her eyes to see David standing there in the center of the stage, trying to recover. Abbi got up and started to walk on stage but before she could David turned and without a word walked off stage.
Abbi caught Neal’s eye and she could see just how concerned he was as well. He looked off stage and then back at her before putting down his guitar and walking backstage. Abbi walked up the side steps to the stage and followed Neal down the hall to David’s dressing room. Neal knocked on the door to the dressing room but got no answer. “Dave, man, come on open the door.” Neal said. “Go away.” David said and Abbi could tell he was crying. “Dave, babe, it’s me. Open up please.” Abbi said and a few seconds later the door opened.
“Oh Dave.” Abbi said upon seeing him. She walked up to him and threw her arms around him. “I’m fine.” David said. “Like hell you are. Dude, you couldn’t get through the rehearsal. How the hell will you get through the real thing?” Neal asked. “I’ll get through it, Neal.” David said, but his tone didn’t convince anyone. “Sure you will….Dave c’mon don’t do this. Let me go tell Debbie to ask someone to fill your spot.” Neal said. “No, I don’t wanna do that….” David said. “Dave, baby, Neal’s right.” Abbi said looking up at him. “Go tell her I’m gonna do Lie instead then…..” David said. “You sure?” “I’m not gonna let everyone out there down.” David said. “Okay, I’ll go tell her.” Neal said looking over at Abbi before walking off to find Debbie. “Hey, I gotta get ready….do you mind giving me some time?” David asked. “Of course not baby. I’ll let you get ready and I’ll go take my seat out there.” Abbi said, kissing him on the cheek before walking back out to the stage area.
David didn’t possibly think that he’d get over the heartbreak losing Adam caused him. Putting his brother in the ground, saying goodbye to him, was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. He thought losing Abbi was hard, but he had gotten her back, she was still alive, she was still able to pursue her dreams, Adam wasn’t. Adam had always been David’s biggest supporter, with the exception of his mom and Abbi. Adam has always told David to go after his dreams, to go after those things that made him happy, and to never regret anything he’d ever said or done in life, cause life was too short for that…..as David sat there thinking about his brother and the times they had, he was hit with a fresh wave of emotion.
He pretended he was okay, pretended he was healing, smiling for the pictures and putting on a brave face when Abbi, Neal, Andy or the guys looked his way. He’d been doing okay, or so he tried to tell himself, but trying to do that song told him everything he needed to know - that he’d never be okay again. He closed the door to his dressing room and sat down in a chair in the corner. He grabbed his duffle bag and pulled out a bottle of Jack that he had gotten from Neal’s stash that morning. He took a long pull of the bottle before sitting back in his chair. He knew turning to alcohol wasn’t the smartest idea but it took some of his pain away….and since he couldn’t sleep because of the nightmares, it made him forget. He’d had nightmares the last three nights of losing various people important to him in life. First it was Andy, then Neal, then Drew, his mom and Abbi. That was the first thing that drove him to the bottle. The second thing was how everyone kept babying him. Yeah he knew that they were worried, and he was sure as hell giving them reasons to, but he was tired of the stares, the whispers, and the sad looks his way.
But he knew he couldn’t keep it from Abbi forever. He knew eventually she’d see through him, see down into his core, and figure out his secret. She was the only one who could read him like a book, David knew it’d only be a matter of time before his secret got out. “Cook and his band are on next, where’s David?” he heard Debbie ask. David said and he stood up from the chair. He took another pull from the bottle before stuffing it in his duffle and heading out to the stage. Even though he had told Abbi and Neal he’d do Lie, he wanted to still do Permanent ….needed to do Permanent, as a homage to Adam. “Hey Debbie.” David said, stopping before he got on stage. “Yes David?” Debbie asked. “I know Neal told you I wanted to do Lie, but I wanna go back to Permanent.” David said. “Are you sure?” “Positive. Is it okay?” “Of course, I’ll go tell Ryan so he can make the change when introducing you.” “Thanks Debbie.” David said as he walked out on stage.
“You good?” Andy asked as David walked up beside him and the rest of the guys. “Yeah, I’m good.” “So Lie right?” Kyle asked. “Actually I changed my mind, I do wanna do Permanent.” David said, looking around at his bandmates. “Dave. Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Joey asked. “I’m sure….you guys with me or not?” David asked. “Yeah man, we’ve got your back.” Kyle said as Debbie yelled for them to take their places. Andy clapped him on the back and nodded before walking over to the piano to get ready for the performance.
Abbi sat in the audience next to David’s mom awaiting David and the boys’ performance. Abbi was so worried about David. She knew he wasn’t in the right frame of mind at all, but she didn’t want to continue to push him, for fear of making it worse. She saw David walk onstage and take his place in front of the microphone. As they came back from commercial she expected Ryan to introduce David as singing Lie, but was shocked at his words.
“Welcome back to the finale. Now on that stage one year ago a bartender turned into the American Idol, changing his life forever. Tonight he’s here with his song called Permanent. Ladies and gentlemen, David Cook.” She heard Ryan say and then she heard that familiar piano start of the song. She watched David start to sing the opening words to the song, and felt David’s mom grab her hand. She couldn’t take her eyes off of David as he sang, hoping he was able to finish this song. As David sang, the crowd was silent and took it all in. Abbi could see the pain, the emotion, and the love for Adam radiating from David. As he sang she glanced over at Neal, who was watching David just as closely as she was. Neal must have felt her staring at him for he turned to look at her, and Abbi could see the pain etched on his face as well. This was killing Neal as much as it was killing her, seeing David like this.
As David finished the second chorus and the band started in to help him finish it, she saw David turn away from the mic and walk back to where Kyle’s drums were positioned. She could see Kyle ask David if he was okay. Then David walked back over and picked up the mic stand, walking to the side of the stage with it. Please God, let him finish Abbi thought as David stepped back up to the mic and started to sing again. As he finished singing the last line of the song, Abbi could see the tears in his eyes and that caused her own to fall. As the camera panned away from David, she saw him wipe at his eyes before Ryan walked over to him.
“David Cook, America.” Ryan said as he walked up and gave David a hug. “Thank you.” David said, stepping back and taking in the standing ovation the crowd was giving him. “It’s good to see you man.” Ryan said. “I know it’s been a rough couple of weeks for you and that song, I’m sure was really emotional to sing.” “Yeah I think um, yeah I think it’s a tough song. But I think at the end of the day to…to uh not only honor my brother but I think everybody that has to deal with something like this, I think it’s just you know, you stay the course and you pull strength from everybody else.” David said. “Absolutely, we’re gonna do something special as a matter of fact with that song tonight.” Ryan said pointing at David. “Yeah actually right after the show, uh we’re gonna put this performance up on Itunes and all the proceeds from the sale of it are gonna go to ABC Squared. It’s an organization that uh raises money to find a cure for cancer so hopefully everyone will go out and buy it.” David said, tears threatening once again. Ryan and David talked for another minute or so and then he turned and walked back to the podium to continue with the show. After the camera panned off of David Abbi saw him turn and walk offstage, once again without a word.
She saw Neal and Andy take off after him and she made her way up to the stage area. Debbie let her behind stage and as she rounded the corner, what she saw almost brought her to her knees and shattered the rest of her resolve. David was sitting in the floor in front of his dressing room, head in his hands and Abbi could tell he was crying. As she started closing the distance between them she saw Neal and Andy make their way to his side. They both sat down on each side of David and when Neal put a hand on David’s shoulder he immediately turned into him for support. Abbi knew that Neal didn’t display emotion as easily as others, he was built with a wall around him, but when David held on to him for support she saw another side of Neal come out. Neal wrapped his arms around David and said “Shh, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.” He kept repeating that over and over as David cried and Andy rubbed soothing circles into David’s back. Abbi knew then and there that these guys would go to the ends of the earth for David.
Neal turned and looked in Abbi’s direction and Abbi could see that Neal was also crying. She walked over and put her hand on Neal’s knee then ran a hand through David’s hair, causing him to look up at her. “Oh Abs.” David said, letting go of Neal and grabbing on to her. They stayed like that for a few minutes until suddenly David stood up and stepped over Andy, walking into his dressing room and shutting the door. The three of them sat there for a minute before getting up and knocking on the door. “Dave, c’mon man, let us in. We’re here for you man.” Andy said as they heard the sound of glass being thrown against the wall. “David damnit, open the fucking door.” Neal said. When he didn’t answer, Neal threatened to beat down the door. A stage hand walked by and Neal grabbed him, asking him to open the door. When he did, they walked inside to find the room was empty. “What the hell?” Neal said. “Where the hell did he go?” Andy asked. “These dressing rooms connect to one another. That door there goes into Kris’s.” The stage hand said, pointing to a door in the far corner of the room.
They walked over and into Kris’s dressing room, finding that it too was empty. “Where is he?” Neal asked as Abbi walked back into David’s dressing room and sat down. David’s duffle bag was still there so David couldn’t have went far. “Abbi, you okay?” Neal asked coming back into David’s dressing room. “Just worried about him Neal.” Abbi said. “Me too. Listen Andy and I will go look for him. You get Beth to take you home and hopefully he shows up there or we find him.” Neal said. Abbi nodded. “Yeah you’re right.” Abbi said as she started to pick up David’s duffle. “I got it.” Neal said, and when he picked it up they heard something like a glass bottle shift to one side of the bag. “What was that?” Abbi asked as Neal put the duffle down on the table and opened it. “Shit.” Neal said, pulling the now empty bottle of Jack out of David’s duffle. “Oh my God. It’s worse than we thought…” Abbi said. Abbi hadn’t had any clue, till this point that David had been drinking. She knew it had been bad, she knew he was depressed and grieving, but she never thought he’d turn to alcohol to help him get through. “This is great. An empty bottle of Jack in his bag. Jack of all things. He doesn’t drink Jack, I do.” Neal said, with a sigh. “Where did he get it? I mean I’ve been with him all day.” Abbi said. “Damnit I knew I wasn’t going crazy.” Neal said running a hand through his hair.
“What?” Abbi asked. “I knew I was missing a bottle of Jack. I mean, I keep it in stock….as a matter of fact, I’m two bottles short. Damn…” Neal said. “Two bottles short? When did you notice this?” Abbi asked. “This morning….” “When did you last check before then?” “Two days ago…..” “So he’s gone through two bottles in two days…this is great….Neal he doesn’t drink like this…especially Jack. I mean when you guys go out he hardly drinks more than 4 beers….” “He’s trying to kill the pain.” Neal said. “With alcohol….it’s a disaster waiting to happen Doc…we gotta do something.” Abbi said, voice shaking. “If we provoke him, it’ll make it worse.” “Well what do we do?” Abbi asked. “I don’t know. Keep an eye on him but don’t let him know we know? It’s not a good plan, but it’s all I can think of.” “For how long before we do something about it?” “That I don’t know…..” “I’m scared Doc…I trust you, but we gotta make sure he doesn’t drink himself to death.” “He won’t…I’ll keep an eye on him…..hell I’ll water down his drinks babe.” Neal said enveloping her in a hug. “Thanks Neal.” “Anything for you two.” Neal said.