All the Difference - 3.5
Title: All the Difference (I finally have a title!)
Chapter: Three and a half - Not Like This (PG)
Summary: Bella must choose between two good things, with two very diffferent sets of consequences. Which one holds her future?
Disclaimer: I don't own or claim to own these characters, or many of the ideas/events.
Thanks: kailorien for being patient (cuz one of us needs to be)
Note: Too short to be a full chapter, but I had stuff I needed said that didn't fit in with chapters 3 or 4, so I give you this.
jacob
Not Like This
I'm pretty crazy about Bella. I know this - hell, everyone knows this. But she's in love with someone else - again, common knowledge. Compared to him, I'm just a kid. I'm lucky she gives me the time of day. So why can't I be happy after such a great day, without wanting more?
I spent the entire afternoon with a beautiful girl who also happens to be my best friend. She even stayed for dinner, and Charlie came over to hang out with my dad. Her Cullens were going to stay gone and for the first time in a long time things were starting to feel the way they should...Except the way I felt after Charlie left and I knew Bella would soon follow. We walked slowly to her truck and I wished there was something I could do to prolong this day, as if tomorrow would painfully shove reality back in my face and I'd realize today was only a dream. I was suddenly afraid I'd wake up tomorrow to find Bella gone, running back into the arms of her precious bloodsucker without a backward glance.
I didn't want her to leave, afraid that she would never come back.
"So you think maybe Sam will let you go early with good behavior?" she asked as we stood with the driver's side door open.
I shrugged. "Maybe, who knows? I wouldn't really count on it, though. When Sam gives an order, he sticks to it." I hesitated a minute. "You coming by tomorrow?"
"Yeah, after work, probably." Despite myself, I was relieved. She always came over, but I couldn't shake the apprehension.
I was still holding her hand, something I did without thinking - it just felt right for her hand to be in mine - until she gently tugged, trying to free herself so she could go. I wasn't quite ready.
"Jake, it's getting late..." she said quietly. I let her go and watched as she climbed into her truck.
When she was seated I reached reflexively for her hand again, like I could keep her with me by maintaining this contact, but found my palm resting on her bare arm, instead. "Bella?"
She met my gaze patiently. She didn't seem eager to leave, either. "Yeah?" she asked.
"Are you okay?" The words were out of my mouth before I knew what I was asking. I had tried to avoid this topic all day, no doubt she didn't want or need a reminder. Now, with one blundering question, I had opened it all up. I watched carefully for her reaction.
She looked at me with a measured dose of caution, then sighed, "I'm trying to be." I nodded. She meant it - I would've known if she was just giving me the answer I wanted.
"What can I do to make it better?" Anything. I would do anything.
"Just don't ever leave me, Jake. I don't think I could handle that," there was desperation there, I could feel it as her voice broke at the end.
I thought about the way she looked when she first showed up at my door, bearing broken bikes and a shattered heart. She looked like a completely different person then, someone who'd barely been alive. The girl in front of me now was still a far cry from the one that came to Forks a little over a year ago, but lost as she was, she was closer to her old self than she had been in months. Sure it's vain, but I liked to think I played some part in her recovery. But was I going to be enough, or would a part of her always cling to the past and refuse to live?
I leaned in until our noses were nearly touching, our breathing shared, and I whispered, "You know I'll always be here for you, Bells. I promise. I'm not going anywhere." I reached a hand up to brush the loose strands of hair back from her face and on an impulse, grazed my thumb against her lower lip. Bella sat frozen, her eyes wide and unblinking, mere inches from mine. I could see doubt war with hope - would she believe me after all that had happened?
My mind flashed to the first time I had made her this promise - another lifetime ago, before I knew the truth behind monsters and myths. What had she said that night in the theater? "Don't expect more...I'm not going to change."
I pulled away suddenly, leaving Bella looking startled and confused. I swore silently to myself. What the hell was wrong with me? As I came dangerously close to bridging the short gap between her lips and mine, I'd realized I couldn't do it. I thought I'd already made this decision. I had been good today, I didn't want to ruin it by making her uncomfortable. But seeing her so vulnerable and upset made it damn near impossible to remember that I was supposed to be keeping my distance. Even if Bella didn't seem to be panicking, like she had last time, I knew she wasn't over him and what she needed from me was to be her friend. She'd made that clear plenty of times.
"Jacob?" She was frowning now, still looking confused about what had just happened - or maybe just not sure what she thought about it. It took every ounce of willpower I had to resist pulling her close, but I'd made up my mind. She needed time to get better and I wasn't going to keep pushing. I gave her hand a light squeeze and took a step back before I could make a second run at her mouth.
Just then, an ear-splitting howl rose up into the night air, much too close for comfort. I was instantly alert, looking around and listening for any sign of trouble, but the night was still.
"I think you'd better get home, Bells," I told her, distracted. "Call when you get there."
"What is it?" she asked, making no attempt to leave. I reached across her and started the truck, then shut the door.
"I don't know yet. Go home. I'll see you tomorrow."
She stared at me another minute, but didn't argue. As soon as she started pulling away, I took off. I was out of La Push before she was.
What's going on? I asked once I'd phased. I tried to see for myself, tried to pick up on the surroundings of whoever had sounded the alert, but my senses weren't receiving what I needed - panic, confusion, fear - where was the danger?
I felt the presence of the others as they phased one at a time, each echoing my question.
What's wrong?
Is it the bloodsucker?
What?
The panic was growing, spreading to the entire pack, making it hard to focus.
What's happening to me?
It was like mine and everyone else's thoughts, but filled with terror. The pack was so in tune with each other that I couldn't tell right away the individual mind these words belonged to.
Realization hit at the same time that I heard Sam in my head:
Quil.
Chapter: Three and a half - Not Like This (PG)
Summary: Bella must choose between two good things, with two very diffferent sets of consequences. Which one holds her future?
Disclaimer: I don't own or claim to own these characters, or many of the ideas/events.
Thanks: kailorien for being patient (cuz one of us needs to be)
Note: Too short to be a full chapter, but I had stuff I needed said that didn't fit in with chapters 3 or 4, so I give you this.
jacob
Not Like This
I'm pretty crazy about Bella. I know this - hell, everyone knows this. But she's in love with someone else - again, common knowledge. Compared to him, I'm just a kid. I'm lucky she gives me the time of day. So why can't I be happy after such a great day, without wanting more?
I spent the entire afternoon with a beautiful girl who also happens to be my best friend. She even stayed for dinner, and Charlie came over to hang out with my dad. Her Cullens were going to stay gone and for the first time in a long time things were starting to feel the way they should...Except the way I felt after Charlie left and I knew Bella would soon follow. We walked slowly to her truck and I wished there was something I could do to prolong this day, as if tomorrow would painfully shove reality back in my face and I'd realize today was only a dream. I was suddenly afraid I'd wake up tomorrow to find Bella gone, running back into the arms of her precious bloodsucker without a backward glance.
I didn't want her to leave, afraid that she would never come back.
"So you think maybe Sam will let you go early with good behavior?" she asked as we stood with the driver's side door open.
I shrugged. "Maybe, who knows? I wouldn't really count on it, though. When Sam gives an order, he sticks to it." I hesitated a minute. "You coming by tomorrow?"
"Yeah, after work, probably." Despite myself, I was relieved. She always came over, but I couldn't shake the apprehension.
I was still holding her hand, something I did without thinking - it just felt right for her hand to be in mine - until she gently tugged, trying to free herself so she could go. I wasn't quite ready.
"Jake, it's getting late..." she said quietly. I let her go and watched as she climbed into her truck.
When she was seated I reached reflexively for her hand again, like I could keep her with me by maintaining this contact, but found my palm resting on her bare arm, instead. "Bella?"
She met my gaze patiently. She didn't seem eager to leave, either. "Yeah?" she asked.
"Are you okay?" The words were out of my mouth before I knew what I was asking. I had tried to avoid this topic all day, no doubt she didn't want or need a reminder. Now, with one blundering question, I had opened it all up. I watched carefully for her reaction.
She looked at me with a measured dose of caution, then sighed, "I'm trying to be." I nodded. She meant it - I would've known if she was just giving me the answer I wanted.
"What can I do to make it better?" Anything. I would do anything.
"Just don't ever leave me, Jake. I don't think I could handle that," there was desperation there, I could feel it as her voice broke at the end.
I thought about the way she looked when she first showed up at my door, bearing broken bikes and a shattered heart. She looked like a completely different person then, someone who'd barely been alive. The girl in front of me now was still a far cry from the one that came to Forks a little over a year ago, but lost as she was, she was closer to her old self than she had been in months. Sure it's vain, but I liked to think I played some part in her recovery. But was I going to be enough, or would a part of her always cling to the past and refuse to live?
I leaned in until our noses were nearly touching, our breathing shared, and I whispered, "You know I'll always be here for you, Bells. I promise. I'm not going anywhere." I reached a hand up to brush the loose strands of hair back from her face and on an impulse, grazed my thumb against her lower lip. Bella sat frozen, her eyes wide and unblinking, mere inches from mine. I could see doubt war with hope - would she believe me after all that had happened?
My mind flashed to the first time I had made her this promise - another lifetime ago, before I knew the truth behind monsters and myths. What had she said that night in the theater? "Don't expect more...I'm not going to change."
I pulled away suddenly, leaving Bella looking startled and confused. I swore silently to myself. What the hell was wrong with me? As I came dangerously close to bridging the short gap between her lips and mine, I'd realized I couldn't do it. I thought I'd already made this decision. I had been good today, I didn't want to ruin it by making her uncomfortable. But seeing her so vulnerable and upset made it damn near impossible to remember that I was supposed to be keeping my distance. Even if Bella didn't seem to be panicking, like she had last time, I knew she wasn't over him and what she needed from me was to be her friend. She'd made that clear plenty of times.
"Jacob?" She was frowning now, still looking confused about what had just happened - or maybe just not sure what she thought about it. It took every ounce of willpower I had to resist pulling her close, but I'd made up my mind. She needed time to get better and I wasn't going to keep pushing. I gave her hand a light squeeze and took a step back before I could make a second run at her mouth.
Just then, an ear-splitting howl rose up into the night air, much too close for comfort. I was instantly alert, looking around and listening for any sign of trouble, but the night was still.
"I think you'd better get home, Bells," I told her, distracted. "Call when you get there."
"What is it?" she asked, making no attempt to leave. I reached across her and started the truck, then shut the door.
"I don't know yet. Go home. I'll see you tomorrow."
She stared at me another minute, but didn't argue. As soon as she started pulling away, I took off. I was out of La Push before she was.
What's going on? I asked once I'd phased. I tried to see for myself, tried to pick up on the surroundings of whoever had sounded the alert, but my senses weren't receiving what I needed - panic, confusion, fear - where was the danger?
I felt the presence of the others as they phased one at a time, each echoing my question.
What's wrong?
Is it the bloodsucker?
What?
The panic was growing, spreading to the entire pack, making it hard to focus.
What's happening to me?
It was like mine and everyone else's thoughts, but filled with terror. The pack was so in tune with each other that I couldn't tell right away the individual mind these words belonged to.
Realization hit at the same time that I heard Sam in my head:
Quil.