Hello world
Wow so I just figured out how to get back on this thing. It's been quite a while. Ok so I'm not much for writing journals, but I guess considering I haven't done one of these in about a year, if not longer, that it's ok.
Ok so let’s talk about life then journal.
Personally I think I agree with Mr. Peter Pan when he said "to live will be a great adventure". These past few months have been by far the most pressing, most aggravating, most trying months of my life up to this point. They have not been with out a periodic relief here or there, but all in all it has been the most difficult. I feel like I have so much to do, so much to figure out, but the time to do all of this is constantly slipping away, or so it seems.
When I became a resident advisor I did so believing that I was going to find a little more of what God had in store for my life. I did so believing that I would be able to help men get closer to their Lord and Savior, that maybe I had something to offer them that might help. I was also hoping that the experience would sharpen me as a leader and as a man.
I had a lot of ideas about what it might be like. I for whatever reason thought that I was going to be able to handle anything that these guys could throw at me. It turns out that I was totally unprepared for what this past semester had in store. God really used this semester to show me how little I can do on my own. I for a long time really felt like I had failed. I felt like I had failed my guys, failed those that had trusted me to do the job, and even failed God. That sounds pretty melodramatic I know, but that’s what I felt like for a while. In fact I'm still dealing with it.
I'm starting to figure out that I don't deal with failure very well haha. I used to think I was one of those people that pop right back up when they get knocked down. Now I think that might have been because I was never really knocked down before. When you're not giving your best and you loose it's ok because you can just tell yourself "if I really would have tried then...", but when you know you did all that you could think to do, and it still wasn't enough that’s something else. This semester was one of those times. As hard as that has been to deal with knowing that I did my best and it still didn't cut it I'm still trusting that God has done something great through all of this.
I think the most aggravating issue as of late is that I have no idea what God wants to do with my life. Maybe that’s the way he wants it to be, I'm sure that it is, but it's still aggravating.
Shifting gears a little bit, so I just turned 21 about a month ago and that’s a pretty big deal for me because that means that now I could be dating if I chose to do so. So that’s pretty exciting haha, well I was excited about it any way. The crazy thing is now that I can date, I don't think I'm ready to date. Before I was 21 I had been thinking that when I turned 21 I would be getting into a relationship pretty right away, but now I have no idea what’s going to happen. I think it funny that the whole time I was on this commitment to not date I was struggling to not like someone, but now that it's ok to date nothings happening. God has an interesting sense of humor. Any way I'm getting bored, which means if you're reading this you're probably bored. So I think it's time to shut it down.
It's been real, maybe next time I choose to update I'll have some answers to all these ?'s I've got going on.
Ok so let’s talk about life then journal.
Personally I think I agree with Mr. Peter Pan when he said "to live will be a great adventure". These past few months have been by far the most pressing, most aggravating, most trying months of my life up to this point. They have not been with out a periodic relief here or there, but all in all it has been the most difficult. I feel like I have so much to do, so much to figure out, but the time to do all of this is constantly slipping away, or so it seems.
When I became a resident advisor I did so believing that I was going to find a little more of what God had in store for my life. I did so believing that I would be able to help men get closer to their Lord and Savior, that maybe I had something to offer them that might help. I was also hoping that the experience would sharpen me as a leader and as a man.
I had a lot of ideas about what it might be like. I for whatever reason thought that I was going to be able to handle anything that these guys could throw at me. It turns out that I was totally unprepared for what this past semester had in store. God really used this semester to show me how little I can do on my own. I for a long time really felt like I had failed. I felt like I had failed my guys, failed those that had trusted me to do the job, and even failed God. That sounds pretty melodramatic I know, but that’s what I felt like for a while. In fact I'm still dealing with it.
I'm starting to figure out that I don't deal with failure very well haha. I used to think I was one of those people that pop right back up when they get knocked down. Now I think that might have been because I was never really knocked down before. When you're not giving your best and you loose it's ok because you can just tell yourself "if I really would have tried then...", but when you know you did all that you could think to do, and it still wasn't enough that’s something else. This semester was one of those times. As hard as that has been to deal with knowing that I did my best and it still didn't cut it I'm still trusting that God has done something great through all of this.
I think the most aggravating issue as of late is that I have no idea what God wants to do with my life. Maybe that’s the way he wants it to be, I'm sure that it is, but it's still aggravating.
Shifting gears a little bit, so I just turned 21 about a month ago and that’s a pretty big deal for me because that means that now I could be dating if I chose to do so. So that’s pretty exciting haha, well I was excited about it any way. The crazy thing is now that I can date, I don't think I'm ready to date. Before I was 21 I had been thinking that when I turned 21 I would be getting into a relationship pretty right away, but now I have no idea what’s going to happen. I think it funny that the whole time I was on this commitment to not date I was struggling to not like someone, but now that it's ok to date nothings happening. God has an interesting sense of humor. Any way I'm getting bored, which means if you're reading this you're probably bored. So I think it's time to shut it down.
It's been real, maybe next time I choose to update I'll have some answers to all these ?'s I've got going on.