I tried to stay away from this thing so I wouldn't become an emo mess... it happened anyways.
I know that nobody wants to hear the troubles and turmoil of other members of society... why pay attention to the debbie downers?
members of society... am i even one? I'm sitting by myself on a day that most people surround themselves with loved ones...
I've gotten myself worked up for another holiday, trying to make plans to celebrate with the rest of the world- or at least the small chunk of the world that I know. Everyone fell through. Everyone had something better to do, or some family obligation. I'll let it slide when a family member forces you into something you obviously don't want to do ( I still love you Liz!) but not responding to a simple text message... stopping a conversation altogether? I know I sound like an emo bitch but I'm human... I am affected by your cruel miscommunication. And I'm done.
I think it is about time that I face reality... I have but a handful of people that I can truly rely on. I have my family- while supportive, do not understand me and do not condone many of the actions that I condone in, unfortunately.
Is it wrong that I like to drink alone? ....
...why would it be wrong when it makes me forget how awful you people really are...
You're interesting people with your stories and misadventures. Something's gone wrong though. I'm giving up... I'm no longer calling people who can't make time for me. I'm no longer making plans that are ALWAYS AND WITHOUT A DOUBT going to fall through. If you're feeling guilty enough to chat over a cup of coffee with me, well it's your fucking turn to give my phone a ring.
More wrong is the fact that vodka hasn't let me down yet you have.
They say the way you spend New Year's is how you spend the rest of the year... so ... alone? I guess?
Maybe the booze is blowing things out of proportion. However, I'm fairly certain I was livid before I imbibed...
Or perhaps it is the craziness of Girl, Interrupted making me think "fuck the world." I wonder if seeing a therapist to get all this anger... all this stress out of me would work... Because it has to be me right? It has to be me making all these people turn away and stop caring. Something about me is causing them disinterest...
Fuck em. I should just become a sociopath hermit. I just need to be brave first. Brave enough to say everything I can write here out loud.
Off to Oz for courage I go...
This rant has dissolved into drunken craziness but don't despair. My emotions, especially my anger, are quite real.
People have overcome much worse disadvantages than simply being ignored... my whining is nothing in comparison yet it feels too important for me to ignore.
I need to get out of here. I need to start living life so I can be able to figure out what is really wrong with me... I don't want to become a person who just works and spends their free time alone, a person living for their job. Life is all about human interaction. It's about your connections with others. Maybe because I'm so alone.... maybe because I have no one to be TRULY honest with... maybe I'm not even alive.
Duh. I'm Alive. I'm just being dramatic... obtuse. Whatever, I stopped caring.
I feel sorry for whoever read this. I apologize to the poor soul. Feel free to bombard me with flaming comments so that next time I write something happy.... something the people want.
I've wasted a year of my life. Maybe everyone out there is a liar. And maybe the whole world is "stupid" and "ignorant" but I'd rather be in it. I'd rather be fucking in it than down here with you.
"Remember me when you shave your legs..."
members of society... am i even one? I'm sitting by myself on a day that most people surround themselves with loved ones...
I've gotten myself worked up for another holiday, trying to make plans to celebrate with the rest of the world- or at least the small chunk of the world that I know. Everyone fell through. Everyone had something better to do, or some family obligation. I'll let it slide when a family member forces you into something you obviously don't want to do ( I still love you Liz!) but not responding to a simple text message... stopping a conversation altogether? I know I sound like an emo bitch but I'm human... I am affected by your cruel miscommunication. And I'm done.
I think it is about time that I face reality... I have but a handful of people that I can truly rely on. I have my family- while supportive, do not understand me and do not condone many of the actions that I condone in, unfortunately.
Is it wrong that I like to drink alone? ....
...why would it be wrong when it makes me forget how awful you people really are...
You're interesting people with your stories and misadventures. Something's gone wrong though. I'm giving up... I'm no longer calling people who can't make time for me. I'm no longer making plans that are ALWAYS AND WITHOUT A DOUBT going to fall through. If you're feeling guilty enough to chat over a cup of coffee with me, well it's your fucking turn to give my phone a ring.
More wrong is the fact that vodka hasn't let me down yet you have.
They say the way you spend New Year's is how you spend the rest of the year... so ... alone? I guess?
Maybe the booze is blowing things out of proportion. However, I'm fairly certain I was livid before I imbibed...
Or perhaps it is the craziness of Girl, Interrupted making me think "fuck the world." I wonder if seeing a therapist to get all this anger... all this stress out of me would work... Because it has to be me right? It has to be me making all these people turn away and stop caring. Something about me is causing them disinterest...
Fuck em. I should just become a sociopath hermit. I just need to be brave first. Brave enough to say everything I can write here out loud.
Off to Oz for courage I go...
This rant has dissolved into drunken craziness but don't despair. My emotions, especially my anger, are quite real.
People have overcome much worse disadvantages than simply being ignored... my whining is nothing in comparison yet it feels too important for me to ignore.
I need to get out of here. I need to start living life so I can be able to figure out what is really wrong with me... I don't want to become a person who just works and spends their free time alone, a person living for their job. Life is all about human interaction. It's about your connections with others. Maybe because I'm so alone.... maybe because I have no one to be TRULY honest with... maybe I'm not even alive.
Duh. I'm Alive. I'm just being dramatic... obtuse. Whatever, I stopped caring.
I feel sorry for whoever read this. I apologize to the poor soul. Feel free to bombard me with flaming comments so that next time I write something happy.... something the people want.
I've wasted a year of my life. Maybe everyone out there is a liar. And maybe the whole world is "stupid" and "ignorant" but I'd rather be in it. I'd rather be fucking in it than down here with you.
"Remember me when you shave your legs..."